What do you make of my dd please

[Notnow123]

Dd is 3 years 6 months, dd was a difficult birth which resulted in a C section also a slightly unsettled baby who hated to be left alone and would cry if you left the room from newborn, all her development was normal if slightly ahead, she walked and talked early, walked at 9 months although didn't regularly walk until 12 months, speech was clear and in sentences more or less as soon as she started talking.
As of now she is reading and writing, fairly sociable, funny little girl.
My worries are her behaviour, she is, and I hate to use the word, naughty, she seems to get great pleasure from annoying adults until they get really cross which she then finds really amusing, she also has periods of being quite angry, today has been one of those days, dd has returned from nursery angry and aggressive and has been attempting to cause a problem all day, such as refusing to get out of the car at the supermarket and laughing hysterically when I struggled to get her out, attempting to hurt us and her sister and telling me she wants to live with another family when she was told it was time to leave grandmas, she also seems to have quite a negative self image and will say other children don't like her.
She can have whole days behaving like this or can switch back to the loving happy little girl she is. She is very loved and has heaps of affection and attention and I really don't understand why she behaves like this? TIA

I also have a 3 and 1:2 year old who I consider to be quite bright. However he is knowhere near reading or writing! Perhaps your daughter is feeling frustrated in that she is ahead of her peers (maybe why she thinks they don't like her). Maybe she is very aware of what's going on around too and is trying harder than other less aware children to have control? I'd maybe try giving her more responsibilities and choices. A friend of mine has a daughter who sounds a little like yours. Very bright, lovely 3 year old but difficult at times. A marble jar really worked for her- fill it and choose new toy on shopping trip (and lose for bad behaviour).

Thank you for your reply Lopperlady1
I will try giving dd more responsibilities and choices and have a word with nursery to see if she can have the same there, she is/has been disruptive at nursery. It's really upsetting to see the anger and aggression in her although very wearing having to deal with it, I worry more about what's going on in that little head to motivate her to behaving in this way.
I had wondered if it may have been anything to do with dd being quite bright but didn't want to be 'That' parent with nursery.

Hi notnow

That sounds really tough and I'm sure my mother would particularly sympathise as your DD sounds exactly like my sister! We're both in our 30s now but when she was little her behaviour was exactly as you describe- naughty, volatile, delighting in causing chaos and trouble. She got 'asked to leave' mother and toddler groups and was a nightmare at primary school (got better as she got older). Sister has very very high IQ, ended up with a first class maths degree from Cambridge and now in a high powered job...though she's still a PITA!

I agree with PP that the behaviour could be linked to her intelligence as she just sounds so similar. Could you try and get her mixing with other very high IQ kids who are more on her wavelength? I'm not sure if there are groups for that kind of thing. Also give her more responsibility and control over her environment as I know this is something my sister struggled with. Getting in to sport really helped when my sister was younger too, I think it helped her blow off some steam as a lot of her behaviour was rooted in frustration.

Good luck!

Thank you for your reply Issie339
It is tough, upsetting really as I hate to see her like this. With regards to meeting other bright children I could maybe ask my health visitor if she is aware of anything we could attend. Dd goes to dance classes which she really enjoys and actually behaves really well when she is there. I'm also going to ask for a meeting with dd's nursery teacher to see if we can come up with some ideas together and also see exactly how things are going at nursery. It's very reassuring to read your post, thank you.

She sounds exactly like my niece, to the letter. If it helps, now she's 9, she's perfectly lovely, albeit still a bit prone to being cheeky and naughty!

Sounds similar to my DD (now 5). As she's got older I have recognised a couple of things, firstly she is very anxious a lot of the time - possibly because she thinks things through a lot more than other children (so, if daddy isn't home on time her immediate question is "what if he's been in an accident"). I mention that because even now, she hates being left alone and struggles to settle at night. She is certainly bright and in top sets for everything at school despite being one of the youngest in her year group. Giving her more responsibility/choice really helps, as does physical exercise. Strangely though, her behaviour also gets worse when she's tired so it's a fine balancing act. I would also recommend the book "The Explosive Child" as it contains a lot of strategies to use with children that don't (for whatever reason), respond to the normal "command and control" model of parenting.