You've told your DC many times to do something, but they don't, what next?

[lottytheladybird]

I start by asking nicely, then after asking nicely a few times, I start using my stern voice, then if that doesn't work, I threaten that they won't get their reward stars. However, if that doesn't work, then I'll usually lose patience and start yelling. I don't want to yell at my DC, but don't really know what the next step is if they're still not doing what I asked them to do. What do you do if you've asked your DC to do something many times and they just ignore you?

On low level stuff over had great success by stopping doing what they ask me to do for them. Natural consequences work too. Only took dd1 being late for school once for her to take getting ready when I ask more seriously.
It is a work in progress though I'm afraid and does depend hugely on how old they are.

I think it depends what it is. If it's the same thing each time then it's sometimes possible to think of a natural consequence.

So my dd used to be terrible at packing her bag for swimming. One day she faffed around so much that we ran out of time and I had to do it for her. I didn't have time to put a snack in. Funnily, she is great at doing her swimming bag now.

Yes, over the same things - getting ready to go out & tidying up. Will try threatening to take away snacks!

You have to follow through with the consequences whatever they happen to be. My teenage daughter was beyond furious the day I drove off without her because I was not going to be made late for work (for the thousandth time) while she got ready at snails pace. Obviously that one won't work with a small child, but after she'd finished her monster tantrum to me on the phone after she finally realised I'd gone without her, she didn't need to be chivvied along ever again. Just work out a consequence for their actions, you have to be prepared to follow through rather than them just being empty words though, that is what makes it work.

The three strikes and you're out rule works pretty well:

1. don't do that please
2. don't do that or x will happen
3. I've asked you to stop 3 times now so x will happen. And then follow through on that. What ages are they? Hard to suggest things that x would be if we don't know how old they are.

Don't threaten with food unless it is a natural consequence of their actions as was the case with the swimming snack. Not tidying up I'd pack the toy away myself and confiscate for a while. Not getting ready to go out either - if you have to go, go as they are, not ready or if it's somewhere they want to go don't go. You have to lay out the consequences and as poshpenny says always always follow through.

My DSs are 3 and 5. I do always follow through with consequences. Just wish they'd bloody do what they've been asked to do without going down that route!! Wishful thinking though, I think!

Sticking with what you say now will pay off many times over in the future, once they get the idea you actually will do whatever you say the consequence is, and there's no negotiating around it. Stick to it, but try to do it calmly, matter of factly, and immediately - little ones don't really equate rewards and punishments that are hours or days away from the deed.

I coldly utter the immortal words "do as you are told."

It has almost pavlovian results. (Beginning to wear off on the nearly teen, mind)

At that age, I asked once, then twice, then I went to see them and took them to the hand to go xxx.

I also used (still do, they are teenagers now ) used to count to 3. And then again take them by the hand to do xxx.

It usually has been enough for them to know I meant business.

Just a reminder though. Again at that age, if o asked them to tidy up and they wouldn't do it, I would take them to their bedroom so they would get on and do it. But I also helped them a bit at the same time (they feel they dont have to do everything, it feels less day to g and I could keep an eye on them!). As they got older, I gave them and less help.

Btw reward charts have never ever worked for my dcs....

Carry out the consequence before you get angry - otherwise you'll have a stomach ulcer by the time they leave home. Also means they don't get the satisfaction of winding you up.

I deduct time off their kindle

If it isn't done by the time I get to the 'thing' then I am switching off the internet/throwing the toys into the bin/doing something outrageous that they know you would definitely do.

Depending on their preferred 'thing'...So if you are not dressed by the time I come upstairs, you will be going to school in your pyjamas. That sort of thing.

Depending what you are asking them to do..Time warnings...Finish that puzzle then put it away..Finish watching that program then go and do....

We are going out in ten minutes so finish ... then go and have a wee..

I am just serving up tea so you need to get ready for tea...

The 3 year old in particular will struggle with their activity been interrupted.

With my 2yo, 123 works wonders, b it with my 4.5yo I usually end up losing patience. I find asking them to look at you helps. Until about 4 they can't cognitively divide their attention, so if they're doing something terribly important of course then they won't be able to attend to what you're saying at the same time unless it's the word treat or chocolate