parents of older children - did you worry for no reason?

[kalidasa]

DS1 is 3 and I feel a constant low-level worry about him. DH feels this less strongly but basically agrees. We have both been more concerned since having DS2 (nearly 1) because he is so different. We are just beginning the process of getting DS1 checked out in various ways (re: anxiety levels, quite severe growing pains, constant sleep problems, possibly sensory issues).

On the one hand our worries seem so nebulous; on the other hand you read a lot that parents who are consistently concerned usually turn out to be right.

So just wondering if anyone who has older children had constant niggling worries of this kind and turned out to be happily WRONG and the child in question was absolutely fine. Or - I suppose also possible - that you were sensing an 'issue' of some kind but not actually what you thought it the problem was to start with.

I think love makes us worry. I'd keep record of you little niggles and after a couple of months go and discuss them with your gp. They will put you on the right path from there. X

I worried desperately about my nephew (and I know wasn't the only one). Even as a baby he didn't focus and make eye contact with his parents like I remembered my baby doing. He was incredibly sensitive, almost fragile. Talked very late and walked very late (like way outside the normal band). He was in early intervention for speech and gross motor and fine motor. I really did think there was going to a diagnosis that would not be good.

He is now 10 and is a perfectly normal kid (and lovely and funny), doing grand with school, friends etc. There was definitely something going on-he needed the intervention, but he has been fine, needing no extra help from the age of about 4/5.

I think you should listen to your instincts and get it checked out. But also remember that children are very different from each other. if I had had my third child first, I would have had my son (firstborn) checked out for delay and frankly, she still makes the others look like slackers :)

I worry constantly about my almost 7 year old so I'm keen to follow this thread. He had had tics and OCD symptoms since he was 4, as such i feel I miss a lot of the good things as I live in fear, not a great approach but hard to break the worry cycle. Common sense usually suggests most things are 'outgrown' so I try to hang onto that. I do wonder if I sometimes worry beyond normal levels! X

Parents worry, it comes with the territory. I'm sure the worries often turn out to be unfounded. I remember worrying that DS1 was ADHD when he was small - he was almost motor-driven. I read a bit about it and he seemed to have many of the traits. The only way to get him to sit still on a potty/toilet was to read to him, he was constantly restless. So very unlike DS2.

Now they are young adults, DS1 is perfectly normal but definitely an active and adventurous person - he loves the great outdoors and is happiest at the top of a mountain! (number one hobby is climbing).

You could keep a log of the things worrying you so you can have a productive chat later with your GP. But be reassured that "normal" can be so very different from child to child. x

I know exactly what you mean. I've had constant low level worry about DD1 (3.3) for ages. Bad sleep, difficult behaviour, poor gross motor skills, a few other minor things. Something just seemed not right. I kept finding new conditions on t'internet that almost but not quite fitted.

Anyway, long story short, it turns out she has very very mild cerebral palsy. Which, now I know, explains everything. And is much less serious, and more manageable, than some of the conditions I had worried about.

My advice is: Focus on his symptoms which are most obviously "problematic" or "different from average". (With DD1 it was her walking and falling). Go to the GP - choose a really experienced, child focused GP if you possibly can - and describe those symptoms and see what they say. Also: assuming he is nursery, ask to have a talk with his nursery teacher and see what they say.

If GP and nursery both think there is nothing out of the ordinary then I would feel quite comfortable relying on that - they will have seen a lot of 3 year olds and will be well placed to spot what is within normal range and what isn't. (I'd rely more on nursery opinion btw than GP, simply because nursery see him more and because they specialise in kids that age!)

By the way - bad sleep, and the resulting tiredness, can account for a LOT. I now realise a lot of DD's difficult behaviour (which had me worried about various behavioural conditions) was simply a result of being very tired.