Almost 3 year old pooing at childminders but not at home

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I am seriously concerned about why my almost three year old (in Jan) is doing this. We noticed a decrease in bowel movements from at least one a day to going days without, maybe three weeks ago. He has a very healthy diet so has very regular bowel movements normally so this is very unusual for him.

The first time it happened, it had been about a week with no poo. When we first noticed it, we thought he was constipated so upped the fruit and water and that solved it. However he then didn't poo again for a few days and now it has been around a week since he pooed at home.

However he has had a poo a day on two of the three days he has been at the childminders. I also know he needs to go as he has had a lot of smelly wind which we keep thinking is a dirty nappy and smudges on his nappy. So I gone from thinking it is something physical to thinking it is something psychological.

I am really upset and feel quite sick with worry wondering why he feels he has to withold at home. I am questionning everything wondering why he feels he can't poo here but is happy to with the childminders.

He is not potty trained and is pretty resistant to the idea. I tried twice for a couple of days at a time after the age of about 2.5 but took a very relaxed approach. I gave it a really good go about 2 months ago for a week but he was very resistant so I didnt push it and we stopped. I never once made a fuss about it though and have always been so careful not to make a fuss when changing a dirty nappy e.g. I never even make a joke that it is smelly or anything and he would certainly never get told off or made to feel bad for being in nappies still.

I am beside myself really.

My DS is almost 3 and we're in the process of potty training - we started too early I think and now it's taking a long time. We noticed that he was happy to poo on the potty at his grandma's house but he'd go in his pants/pull ups at home. When I looked into it I realised that at his grandma's his potty was in a more private and darker place in the house, it wasn't away from everyone but it was out of sight and he went to it without really announcing it. At home his potty was at the side of the room where he could see it at all times and where we could see him. I moved it out of sight and although I had to then constantly remind and ask about the toilet, when he had privacy he started pooing at home on the potty. I know you said your DS isn't potty trained but I'm thinking the thought process could be the same as they are about the same age. If you can, ask the childminder what he does when he needs a poo as it might be that he hides behind the sofa or goes to a different part of the room. Or it could just be that he isn't as familiar with the childminder so he doesn't mind pooing.

Maybe if you think DS has to poo then leave the room or make him a den or something for privacy and he might feel more confident, I think at this age they are developing self awareness and with that comes being self conscious so they start to need a bit of privacy. Most importantly, try not to worry, we are all going through it.

Thanks so much for replying, it really has helped calm me down a bit.

Thats really interesting about your ds at his grandmas, im so glad it's not just me as I had been wracking my brains thinking what I might have said to put him off pooing at home. That makes great sense though.

He has walked to the other end of the room and sometimes tried to hide before pooing for a good while now, maybe even since before he was 2, and he was getting increasingly upset with me being anywhere near him and telling me to go away. However when we are at home I don't tend to let him out my site, we will be either in the same room or playing together at the park or a group or shopping or whatever so I am constantly interacting with him/he is never far from my almost undivided gaze (got a baby ds too!).

The childminder has mentioned that he hides there too in the past but I will ask her again as it may be that he waits until they play outside where he can hide more easily mingled amongst the other children.

Other than that, I have been so chilled about potty training as he can be quite stubborn so I didnt want it to become a battle. DH and I have been trying to gently introduce the idea of using the toilet and wearing big boy pants, mentioning it recently, but we certainly haven't been pushing it..

Anyone else?

My son who's 3 next month had been dry for months although point blank refuses to poo in the toilet. He demands a nappy and will only poo standing on his own bed! He will hold himself all day at nursery then demands a nappy when needed at home. I know this isn't an identical situation to your child but just wanted to give you a bit of reassurance that pooing is a common problem in toddlers (day nursery confirmed this when I was pulling my own hair out) x

I think that wanting a bit of privacy to poo is normal behaviour. I remember my son being furious if I even made eye contact with him while pooing.
I remember wondering if he did that because I had inadvertently taught him to give me space while I was on the loo or whether it was instinctive for all humans.