My kids won't bloody listen. And constant low level naughtiness.

[longdiling]

It's grinding me down. They're 5, 9 and 11. They've always been pretty well behaved but lately it feels like they're constantly not listening and misbehaving. It's not major stuff but getting them to get dressed or get to bed in particular is a bloody nightmare. I'm used to a bit of chivvying and asking more than once but it's got ridiculous. Usually a reminder that they'll lose screen time after school is enough to focus their minds when asking nicely and positive encouragement hasn't worked but lately they don't give a crap about consequences. I'm sick to death of telling them off and feeling cross with them. Oh and they've all suddenly become incapable of picking up after themselves or flushing the toilet, I have to nag, nag, nag and I'm sick to death of it.

My husband put together a reward system where they'd get points for pocket money but it was really complicated and they didn't buy into it. I do think we need something like that though. Any words of wisdom, any advice? Help!

Hi, I'm having similar problems with my two at the minute (4 & 8)

Every morning is a battle ground, every little thing is moaned over and feet dragged, it's driving me batshit.

I'm buying some marbles today and setting them up a jar each, they will get a marble added for just doing what they're asked the first time, and one taken away for back chat etc. and aa decent treat at the end of the school week if they have enough marbles!

Could you try something similar? I'm hoping the visual aid of mounting/disappearing marbles will help.

Marbles in a jar was exactly what I was thinking. I was debating how to work it...mine don't get pocket money at the moment but I'd like them to. I was thinking of linking it to that? So by Friday the more marbles in the jar the more money they get or something.

I also want mine to do some chores on top of tidying up after themselves. I'm feeling so taken for granted by them at the moment.

I have to nag my 4 and 9 year old, although my 9 year old is generally quite good, remembers to bring his dirty washing down every morning, make his bed, etc, if that's not done I take a certain amount of pocket money of his weekly allowance, but he very rarely forgets, he also says he doesn't like it when I keep on, but I remind him if he did things the first time, then I wouldn't have to keep on. I think it's perfectly normal!

I agree that a certain amount of nagging is very normal but it feels like we've got beyond that and now they're almost openly defiant. This morning for example, I told them to go up and get dressed. Older one did as she was told. Younger two were messing about in the bathroom so I tell them firmly to stop and get their teeth brushed then get dressed. 5 minutes later still mucking about. So I tell them off and tell them if I hear any more mucking about then they lose screen time. Usually this would be enough. But no, they're STILL mucking about. I tell them they've lost screen time and they're not remotely chastened but STILL muck about. I ended up having to stand upstairs outside their rooms to stop them from coming out and messing about. It took them about 30 minutes to do what should have taken 10 minutes. Ridiculous. I'm stressed and pissed off, they're upset because I've ended up shouting and I already know after school will be awful now because the middle one will play up about missing out on going on the computer. And this is every morning at the moment!!

Not to mention the fact that if I don't nag then the toilet upstairs is left unflushed, towels all over the floor, lights left on in their rooms and pyjamas chucked all over the place. Grrrrrrrr

It's so frustrating isn't it OP?

I don't have DC myself (yet - preggers with my first!) but my mum was a single mum and used to have similar issues with my younger siblings. What worked for them was setting up a rota of various household tasks with things that needed to be done every day like putting dirty clothes in laundry basket, putting breakfast things in dishwasher, making bed etc, things that needed to be done once a week like cleaning bedroom or cleaning out guinea pig etc - and things they took turns doing, like walking the dog.

It meant they could see exactly what needed to be done and therefore didn't have the excuse of forgetting, or not knowing etc IYSWIM. My mum never did rewards-based stuff simply because she didn't think we should be 'rewarded' for pitching in with household stuff as in her eyes we were all a team and we helped each other out. That kind of rhetoric worked quite well with us but I don't know if it does with most kids.

I agree maybe. I don't feel comfortable with rewarding them for basics like getting dressed when asked to. I'm debating a system like your mums; a list of daily and weekly chores. They are all expected to do a certain number of daily chores and one weekly one. Family meeting after school today I think.

You could ask them what system is in use at school - then you get one they're already used to. We have recently instigated our school's traffic light system at home in response to similar low level naughtiness and not listening, and it has certainly cut down on the shouting!

green mark if they are particularly good
amber warning for low level naughtiness - up to 3 per day
red light is serious (at school they'd get sent to the head!) - haven't had to use this yet but loss of screen time has been agreed

If they get through a whole week with no amber warnings they get extra pocket money. And I do give amber warning warnings, if you see what I mean, as in "if you do that again you'll get an amber warning".

They mostly get rewarded with house points and certficates for good behaviour. Punishments are missing play time. Good to know a reward system worked for you though, I think I definitely need to give one a try.

You could ask them to be ready by a certain time, if they're not ready, then remove a privilege, make them earn their privilege. Don't remind them to do the things they should be doing, even if it means they go to school without brushing their teeth because they didn't have time, they will soon learn.

I seriously need to think about this too. Reward charts don't really work with mine, so it needs to be something else. Place marking to remind myself to think of something before school pick up!

Try a points based system then, if that's what they're used to.