My child was really upset/naughty at my midwife appointment. To

[Shootingstar2289]

Today, I had my 28 week midwife appointment. Usually I try and book my appointments around pre school or my partners shifts.

Anyway, today I had to take him. He is 3 but has mild autism. He was running around like a mad child, kept opening the door, trapped his fingers in the door and freaked out when we went to the loo (he is fully potty trained but has a fear of unknown toilets for some reason).

She was running late and we were finally called in. He cried and screamed the whole time. I explained the autism and how he trapped his fingers and the toilet but she wasn't impressed. He was stood at the door crying to go home and would not let me cuddle him.

She couldn't hear the heart beat due to his crying and didn't get my bloods done as he was freaking out.

She already had a refferal form ready for health visitor when we went in (routine to see them before birth in my area) but she made it sound like I needed to see her to due to sons behaviour.

He is very rarely like this, but he hurt his fingers and got scared of the toilet. Will they think badly of me?

My DS was like this at a midwives appointment once. He is NT but freaked out at something in the room and was basically a nightmare the whole way through. My midwife sympathised with me, tried to calm him by jollying then ignored him and powered through, making sure he didn't see anything that could upset him like getting bloods done. It's not really ideal but surely lots of people have to take small children to midwives appointments sometimes and they should be used to it.

Try not to worry about it. It could happen to anyone.

I think the HV sounds like she is lacking in a bit of empathy, and the ability to see past the situation (which arose only because of all the things you mentioned). Please don't worry about it. Your little boy was clearly a bit unsettled by the different surroundings and I think my dd would be no different. He's not naughty, he's just freaking out at all the big, different stuff in a surgery. Hope you're ok x

I think your midwife needs a bit of training to deal with autism to be honest! She must have had autistic mums to be before, surely she's not that rude to them? And if not what makes it ok to be rude to a child who doesn't understand and is already struggling to cope with the situation. If be raging!!

Seconding what the others have said. My DS doesn't have autism and he totally freaked out at PND of my midwife appointments - particularly when they tried to take blood.

Definitely the midwife at fault. See how you feel at the next appointment- if she is judgey then you could ask for a different one. I hope you're ok

I had a similar experience. My ds seen the lady who had given him his immunisation a couple of days earlier and had a complete meltdown. He screamed to go home all through my appointment. My midwife just laughed in a 'that's toddlers' way and pretended to be offended when he kept pointing at her and screaming 'no' even louder. (Mine has no known sen, sorry not sure of all the terms).

Try not to worry. You were just unlucky with an unsympathetic midwife. Can you rebook for another time?

I remember being pregnant with ds2 and taking ds1 (who has severe autism and was 2 years old) to all my midwife appointments. The midwife was very understanding and didn't judge me.
Fast forward and I am now pregnant with dc3 and at my booking appointment the midwife asked about children and their medical appointments and then asked me who was looking after dc1, when I said he was at school she looked really shocked and stated "oh that's fantastic that he can go to a school despite his disability, how wonderful of the school to accept him". She really didvt get that all children are entitled to an education.
Moral of the story: some midwives are great and non judgemental whilst others are total asses.

DD1drew a lovely picture on the wall at dd2's well baby check. Only time she ever drew on the wall.

My experience (having 3 dc) is that the older one often acts up when the younger has attention on them like a medical appointment. Dd1 was always a demanding child only when we were at dd2's specialists. When ds (dc3) had to have bloods taken at 8 weeks old, I was kneeling down cuddling him s three paediatricians and a consultant tried to find a vein that would bear fruit, when dd2 did a running jump and lept on me (only only time she ever did this).
Similar at younger ones birthday parties. They don't really have a role to do, and attention is on the younger one, so they act up.

Thank you all for your reassuring words. Luckily, she is not my regular midwife, who is off sick. This one is covering for a while. Hopefully not too long lol ??

Honestly, the best present you can give yourself at this point is permission not to care what ignorant people think. Your son's behaviour was totally 'normal' for a 3 year old child with autism in a stressful situation.

I had to take my slightly wild 18 month old to a midwife appointment with me, he ran around, turning the lights on and off, I had to lie him on the bed with me when she checked the baby's heartbeat. It was all very stressful!

The midwife was so sweet and said over and over "you MUST tell your husband you need regular breaks to relax, my husband came to my next appointment and she said the same thing to him, she advised that I have a long bath and a walk all by myself every day. I liked her!