4.5 year old DD won't go to friends houses without me...

[Meandbobbymcgee]

I have no idea whether to worry about this. My youngest DD won't go on play dates without me. She is just finishing school nursery and starts reception in September. She is very happy separating from me to go nto school. She gets picked up by two different friends on two days after school whilst I finish work and is also happy going to their houses.

However she won't go to a kids party without me and won't go on play dates without me. Just plain refuses and is outright rude to any mums who suggest it.

All of her friends seem happy to go solo on play dates and this helps their mums when they have eg gp appointment , work to finish etc.

I have no family nearby and whilst I don't want to push her to do things she is genuinely anxious about ( she is only four after all) it would be useful if she would start to take up the offer at times when I've got essential stuff to do / am unwell etc.

Anyone got any advice or words of wisdom please?

Would she go if an older sibling stayed with her?

My eldest is 4 1/2, he has never been to play dates/ party alone either. Neither have any of his friends I don't think as parents always stay at ours and we always stay. I don't think there's any rush

My DS has just finished reception and all of the parents have stayed for all of the parties.

If she doesn't want to be left for a play date, I think she's quite young for that too if she's not happy with it.

My ds is 6 & I still have to stay at parties. His friends mum asked him a few days ago would he like to go to her ds party & he point blank refused! I've learnt there is no point in forcing him to stay as he would be miserable.

Ha! I think you are all right - you can't force them. I think my instinct is to back off and just say she is not read yet. I've had lots of point blank and quite rude responses from her to other mums asking if she wants to come for a play. I do tell her she could just say no thank you instead of shouting in their faces ....

lastinglight - the older sibling seems to make no difference except with the after school childminder - but then she has no choice ....

Do 4 and a half year olds have play dates without their own adult? I did not know this. I always go.

Can't you just go with her?

I often have ds (age 4), friends over and parents always stay. Often a sibling older or younger tags along also

Lornemalovo - they bloody do around here and you feel a bit standoffish if you don't join in! And the mums just ask the kids directly! And they want to do reciprocal 'swaps' the whole time whilst they work/sleep/exercise. You lot have convinced me nicely that it's ok to step away from the play date/ childcare melee ....

I think she's just little. Would she be happier to stay if she knew the parents better? I didn't leave DS for a playdate until he was about 5, I was quite nervous about it - and so was he - but they went after school so he didn't have a chance to be clingy to me at drop off. He was fine, I turned up early and he didn't want to leave!

I'd stay for a couple of times and then try leaving her after she's been to someone's house once or twice. It's probably just fear of the unknown.

Bertie - some houses she's been to loads - eg next door neighbour since she was born ! She still refuses to go on her own even if her elder sister is there. She isn't shy either. Just ... Stubborn?