Dreading the school holidays because of my unbearable 3 year old

[Nancyclancy]

I have 4 children. 3 are at school and my youngest (dd aged 3) goes to pre-school two mornings a week.
At pre-school she's an angel, loves going, gets on really well with the other children. Her report really sang her praises.

But at home she is awful. She is a terrible screamer and at the moment she is shut in her bedroom screaming her little head off to give me a bit of piece.
On Wednesday, I took her to a friends who has a ds the same age. My dd spent the majority of the time whinging. She barely eats too which I've tried to ignore but she's getting worse.
From the minute she wakes up she's moody, whatever we do.
I'm also convinced we're not being invited to things because of her.

In September she's going to pre-school every morning, but I'm not sure how we are going to get through the holidays.
I also feel bad for my other dc who have to put up with her too and miss out on things.

Does anyone else have a child similar? How do you cope? Does anyone have any tips on what I can do to calm her down. I know she's probably frustrated and it's a difficult age but she is driving me crazy!

Does she sleep well, getting enough sleep?
Is she energetic?
Is she just 3 or nearly 4?
What does she whinge about?

Just thought I'd add that I have taken her to Dr's before about it and to rule out an year infections etc. But nothing!

She sleeps brilliantly thankfully. She rarely sleeps in the day, only maybe if we go out in the car.
I do have to wake her up most mornings so maybe that could be a bit of a trigger but we have to do the school run etc so she has to get up.

It's been going on for months and months. She'll start moaning about not wanting her shoes and socks on for e.g, we take them off and then she'll find something else to moan about and that's how it'll continue.

We have the odd good spells and if I'm out my dh doesn't have half of the problems I have. So it must be me doing something wrong??

She's not particularly energetic, more of a drawing, reading kind of a girl.

Would it work if she is given a choice ? Ie if you want her to get dressed she chooses what to wear. If she has to put pyjamas on for instance you can let her decide what she puts on first her top or bottom. The job still gets done but she thinks she has a choice. Have you tried the tack of " I don't listen to your moaning voice , i listen to your happy voice " or something along those lines. Maybe she just wants more quiet time '

My DD was 3 in March and she has been quite a trial for the last few,months. Some days she's nice as pie, but she is super-melodramatic and goes into total meltdown over nothing. She also whinges constantly especially about going to the toilet, brushing teeth and putting shoes on. Her latest trick is to lie on the floor screaming"I can't" whenevr she is asked to do anything. Thankfully she eats very well!

What time does she go to bed? My DD is a horror when tired. She goes to bed by 6pm every night. Any later and she ends up tired the next day. If you are having to wake her in the morning I would bet money on tiredness being your main problem here.

My third and fourth are twins, but the younger/smaller twin can be quite hard work. It has got a lot easier as they have got older, but he can still be quite demanding.

If you have to wake her in the mornings then it sounds like she isn't getting quite enough sleep - could she go to bed earlier? Or have a nap?

Sorry but yes, it is probably your reactions that enable her to continue the moaning and screaming.

You have to think what do you want out of this and how can you get her to do what you want. Give her choices don't give her a way out [moaning]...and observe your OH and how he does it and see what she is reacting to.

One method I used to use when managing very annoying teenage [just out of school] staff was to give them three choices and they choose. What they didn't know is that for years - their three choices consisted of two things I really wanted them to do, and one that I knew they would never ever want to do. Strangely enough they always chose one of the things that I wanted them to do, then when they had finished that, they got to choose their second task of the morning. Worked every time.

Shoes - yes you can take them off but then either I have to carry them or you do...and we will have to leave x [toy etc] behind as I can't carry them all so what do you want to do?