Terrible Twos!!! Feel like calling in Supper Nanny????!!

[Reece]

Ds (2.8) has been difficult since DS2 came along 16 months ago but in the last month his tantrums,tears and stubborness have esculated big time.

Typical morning before 9am - Jumps out cot (refuses to sleep in bed)refuses to use potty, refuses to take off pull-up and PJ's. When downstairs asks for weetabix, serve him with warm milk as asked and then refuses to eat it saying that he wants Special K instead. I say no because he had asked for Weetabix. He then proceeds to throw entire bowl of Weetabix on the floor and rant about Special K. I don't give in and try hard to ignore his tantrum. Still won't use potty, demands TV, I refuse until he uses potty and helps to get dressed and washed etc. He continues to rant and rave for 20 + mins. At this stage we are running late for playschool and DS2 is not washed and dressed etc etc.

I expect there are many of you out there that think this is just intermediate stuff but I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.. I feel myself raging inside but know that will make things worse. He is pushing and pushing me and I know I will burst at some stage.

Last night he refused to stay in his room, kept jumping out of the cot for about 2 hours screaming. He was running all over the house upstairs going through my room etc. I tried the quietly placing him back in bed again and again method (don't know what it's called) but he kept waking DS2. DH and I ended up giving up and going downstairs to leave him to it. i feel like locking him in his room.

How long does the terrible 2's last for? Do they have terrible 3's as well??? Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Help!!

I think you are right. Try not to worry too much about night times as your DD seems to be fine once she has the rope on the door. In time I am sure you could try leaving it off, she may not even notice as time goes by. It works for now and as with every other challenging stage we go through with our lo's it doesn't go on forever (even though it might feel like it ).

Thats great that she has used the toilet. DS has been using it when out and about as well. He doesn't seem to have any problem with it. He even used the travel potty the other day by the car in the middle of the car park! When they gotta go they gotta go!

The problem I have is that he still wees (a lot) in his pants!

I had such a problem 2 days ago. I was trying to buy a bed rail and some other little bits and bobs. Whilst we were in the store DS wee'd twice on the floor! I was mortified but had to act as if it didn't matter. I was up and down to the car to change clothes and before I knew it 2 hours had passed by. I just find this really hard to deal with and tbh I don't know what to do. I feel like putting trainer pants on while we are out but I know that this could lead to regression. Then again, he has regressed anyway. What do you think?

Don't worry about your DD and the toilet for pre-school. She will be fine. if the ladies there as nice as they are at ours then they do help and are well used to seeing kids learning, having odd accidents etc.

I'm the one thats panicking a bit becuase for every step forwards we are going 3 back

Hi

Hope you don't mind if I join you - I have been reading this thread this morning and It's just lovley to see that I am not alone....sometimes you think that you must be the only person struggling with a toddler.

I have to say that my DS (exactly 2) is not too bad, I think he is just starting to test the limits and some of the advice I have read on this thread so far has been wonderful and you are all really supportive.

At the moment my main problem is constant whinging over what he wants to do, particularly over the TV.

On lovley days like we have been having I like to play with him in the garden, he has all manner of fab outside toys and you like to see them enjoy the outside whilst they can....all he wants to do is watch Thomas the tank engine, Postman pat or The bloody Wiggles. He spends all his time whingeing 'Thomas on...'

The problem is I have given in in the past and let him watch it...then the minute it's on he wants "Pat on" etc etc.
It is driving me demented.

I had decided to just put them all away in a box and the only TV he is allowed is Cbeebies but he got himself in such a state this morning that I relented and put Thomas on (I know - stupid thing to do)

He is now whingeing cos he wants to watch The Wiggles.

I had calmly explained to him that if Mummy put Thomas on she was not changing it and he had to watch it (but much for a 2 year old to understand I know).

I really think I should just turn the TV of full stop and just let him tantrum all he likes becuase I'm worried that if we start out like this he will learn he can get his own way if he just whinges.

He is my first child and I feel like I know what I should be doing but putting it in to practise is so much harder.

Any advice would be gratefully received..

x

Hi muminamini. My DS loves his tv as well but we tend to have Cbeebies on and only occasionally a video/dvd. He loves a lot of the stuff on Cbeebies but tbh after a while he just gets bored and walks away to play with his toys.

We also play out in the garden a good bit but it is irritating when they choose tv over the fresh outdoors!

I normally put the tv on at breakfast time for a while. Then its off and we get stuck into something else unless I have loads of housework etc to do. I then put tv on again in the afternoon when Ds's are waiting for tea.

I think if you can install some kind of rule as to when tv goes on and for how long now it will make your life much easier in the long run. Maybe you could break your DS's current tv ritual by taking him out to the park or for a walk at the times that he normally gets stuck at the tv. If he does something different every day it might distract him.

At the end of the day my DS can turn the tv on and off as much as he likes but when I want it off I turn it off he just accepts it. I'm lucky I suppose but thats the way it has been for a long time. I don't know what else to say. Maybe when he asks for tv/videos say No we are going to read stories instead or play with the play dough etc. Maybe you do this already but it's just a thought.

Remember - If a toddler sees that something iritates you they dig their heels in and want to do it more Sorry I'm babbling now but good luck and let us know how you get on.

I'll get back to chasing my 2 Ds's away from the tv

we have a tv addict also. She watches cbeebies in the am for 1 hr while eating breakfast then the tv goes off and we do things, however, the minute we stop playing or come in from outside she wants a dvd on. Unfortunetly DH is also a film addict and hes made it worse by encouraging her to lay down on the settee while they watch a DVD together. Today she had a tantrum because I wouldnt put ice age on for her so she spent 2 mins in the time out room for hitting me.
The problem is its convienient when you need it ie doing housework or cooking dinner.
Im probably not consistent enough and if I need to do anything I let her watch it but then say no at other times which doesnt help. Half of me thinks I should just put them all away and tell her they are broken but then I have to amuse her 24/7

Thank you for the advice. I think limiting the TV more is definatley a good thing and I do that, struggle a bit as my Mum looks after DS Thursdays and Fridays whilst I am at work (he is in nursery Mon and half day Wed) and when she has him there are no rules....but hey thats a whole other problem ;-)

Thing is that any goo d progress I make over the following weekend and week is all back to square one and DS is anti christ when we get him back on Thursday night sigh

DH and I have been talking alot about it recently and has got to the point where I am looking at increasing my hours at work just to be able to put DS in nursery a bit more insteead of whith Grandma...but he loves her to bits and she him so don't think wither are going to be happy.

Need to think it all through a bit more yet.
Thanks for the advice though. I am going to try and be more consistent - I do definatley though always get him to say Please before he gets anything x

Off to bed now - night all

Good going FOM. Your D is doing really well.
DS wasn't too bad yesterday but we were at home most of the day. He used the potty most times including for his daily poo so I was delighted. All times were initiated by myself though

If I don't initiate he just does it in his pants and doesn't seem to care. Oh well we will plod on. Only 2 accidents.

Went to bed at 7.45 and went down really well. Didn't come out room once. Too tired.

Being pretty good so far this morning but its a long day. I really want to take him to a local play centre today but I am nervous he will have an accident in the ball pen or something. Not sure whether I am brave enough.

lol. Know what you mean.
My boys are making sausages with play dough on the kitchen floor but I know the TV will be going on again soon. Wathced it for about 45 mins already this am. I then got them started on the play dough but out of ideas after that. I am soooo tired today and have a headache.
Thanks for your advice re: play centre. Yes I think I will leave it but my guilty feelings are coming back. I suppose the park is a better idea.

Do you know what? We are allowed lazy days every now and then

is this thread still active?
im so pleased to hear im not the only one, as ds (2 next week) appears to be the only one out of his friends/groups that has this tantrums and ridiculous requests.
this morning was really tired, but could only go for a nap if he could take a lemon with him, and had a huge tantrum before.
I feel like im being judged by other mums when it happens if we're out, and i havent even got to potty training (only wants to we on the carpet, likes the noise) yet.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........
I have had a nightmare 2 days with DD. I dont know if its my hormones or if she is getting worse. Normally shes with mil while I work but im on maternity now and so spending full days with her. MIL says that she never tantrums with them but I dont know if its just because they give her what she wants or if it is just me.
Today brushing her teeth created a huge tantrum where in the end I held her down on the settee while she kicked me, she then spent 2 mins in the time out room, followed by another 2 mins for hitting me when she came out. Then this afternoon shes been told off for pushing her friend over or pulling him out of the way, snatching toys and throwing. Im almost ashamed to take her there again. Tonight she was ok until I bathed her and then she cried when I washed her hair and threw a bath toy at me so I told her I would put it in the bin if she did it again whereby she then threw another toy and splashed me with bath water. So again another 2 mins in the room.
Everything seems such a battle and im in tears at the end of the day because I feel I just cant cope with her. What has happened to the lovely girl I had. My mum says its just a phase but when will it end???

Hey thewill - I feel like I am being judged as well. Especially when I am trying to do the food shop in Tesco's with my 2 Ds's and I shout at 1 or both of them because they are playing up, grabbing stuff off the shelves, taking stuff out of the trolly, putting stuff in I didn't want etc etc. People look at you as if you have committed a serious crime when you raise your voice and that you should be sent down for a crime. I'm sure most people that have raised kids have raised that voices on occasson. I resent people that are totally judgemental when they don't even know me. Glad you have joined the thread.

Hey FOM we made it to the homepage !!!
Ds was great this morning but a nightmare this afternoon. Can't have it all my way eh
He got more and more tired as the day went on, wouldn't take a nap and basically kept attacking DS2 (poor thing). It ended up with DS1 oushing DS2 into a chest of drawers and lets just say we were lucky that DS2 didn't need stitches. His poor little head was ready to burst but thankfully was as hard as a nutshell. I really felt myself losing it as he makes me sooooo angry. I cannot tolerate bullying of any kind. I had to count to ten in my head and walk away before I lost it. Both DS's are fast asleep now. DS2 jumped his cot and room twice.

Hey Kbaby - I have huge problems sometimes with DS1 and his teeth! It drives me up the wall. I know their teeth are important but tbh I sometimes don't have the energy to fight over it and I let him go to bed without doing them. Then the next night he is more than willing to scrub away at his little pearly whites

As regards tears - I have shed many - even this week in fact. I think I will always be like that. Too sensitive.....

My mil was shoving chocolate buttons into DS1 before he had teeth! I on many occasions had said please don't give him any chocolate as he won't eat his lunch (he has always had a small appetite and I have struggled to get him to eat for 2 years plus he gave up milk at 6 mths but thats another story). She would still go ahead and fill him up with chocolate. Didn't do it with DS2 I can tell you

They spoil them rotten and we have to pick up the pieces afterwards. Would you not think that they would know better after raising kids themselves?!

we have now progressed to a small bowl of fruit containing 2 limes, 2 lemons and an orange.
ive resorted to cbeebies already this morning. we went out for our anniversary, and MIL let him stay up late, so that helps!
FOM - what does the rope entail?

no - he just likes to carry the around when going about his daily business.
good idea with the rope, im not to the big bed stage yet, as dd is only four months and so needs some attention in the evenings, as she doesnt get muchin the day.

hes nearly able to climb out, so i shan't have long to wait,
hes being picky eating the last few days too, which exagerates matters - and nw i have to build a station

actally hes gone to bed instead!
i dont want to feel like im moaning about him all the time, i just wish he was my happy little boy again.
he has taken a lemon and lime (want the yellow one, want the green one)

My DS keeps waking up in the early hours too.
He was in our room at 2.15am standing at the side of the bed. I returned him to his cot but he came out again It was just like the bed time ritual. I found him in the bathroom saying he wanted a wee. He did a small one and then I returned him again. He stayed put this time but then I couldn't get back to sleep V. tired this morning.

Since being up this morning DS1 is being very bold. He is pushing DS2 around, running him over with his 'Dee Dah' ride on etc. DS2 is really fed up with it and is crying the whole time trying to get away from DS1. They are fighting over the same toy all the time. It is driving me crazy. DS1 is usually really good at sharing but NOT with his brother. I have threatened to take his 'dee `dah' away if he hurts his brother again. He is now sitting at the table next to me as I type this saying ' take all my toys away mummy, take them away'.

This is going to be a long day and we are due over at a friends house for lunch just when DS2 normally goes down for his nap. Hope he crashes out early this morning or my afternoon will be miserable.

Going to buy stairgate today for DS1's room!