Terrible Twos!!! Feel like calling in Supper Nanny????!!

[Reece]

Ds (2.8) has been difficult since DS2 came along 16 months ago but in the last month his tantrums,tears and stubborness have esculated big time.

Typical morning before 9am - Jumps out cot (refuses to sleep in bed)refuses to use potty, refuses to take off pull-up and PJ's. When downstairs asks for weetabix, serve him with warm milk as asked and then refuses to eat it saying that he wants Special K instead. I say no because he had asked for Weetabix. He then proceeds to throw entire bowl of Weetabix on the floor and rant about Special K. I don't give in and try hard to ignore his tantrum. Still won't use potty, demands TV, I refuse until he uses potty and helps to get dressed and washed etc. He continues to rant and rave for 20 + mins. At this stage we are running late for playschool and DS2 is not washed and dressed etc etc.

I expect there are many of you out there that think this is just intermediate stuff but I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.. I feel myself raging inside but know that will make things worse. He is pushing and pushing me and I know I will burst at some stage.

Last night he refused to stay in his room, kept jumping out of the cot for about 2 hours screaming. He was running all over the house upstairs going through my room etc. I tried the quietly placing him back in bed again and again method (don't know what it's called) but he kept waking DS2. DH and I ended up giving up and going downstairs to leave him to it. i feel like locking him in his room.

How long does the terrible 2's last for? Do they have terrible 3's as well??? Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Help!!

Reece

Projectile vomit was in reference to Exorcist type behaviour

Happypiglet has your DS been potty trained? Just that the gate sounds good but I would have to leave potty in his room if I used one. gate does seem to be the best option though if this nightmare continues. It's seems to be every other night at the moment.

ChocPeanut - lol. I have lost my sense of humour as well as having partial brain function.

Ds has not been too bad today or maybe I am just getting used to the bad behaviour. He has been weeing on the carpet instead of the potty and hasn't even told me which is annoying (another anger attention seeking tactic I think). Was climbing up on furniture quite a bit whilst my friend my over. I told him to get off in a low but firm voice and he got down immediately.

He did drive me nuts though when I said we were going to go and ask his friend next door if he wanted to come and play and he turned around and said NO THANKS even though I knew he wanted his pal over. He refused to leave the garden and kept saying you go mummy bye bye see you later I will stay here! Cheeky monkey. Ended up changing his mind but then it was too late for pal to come over. Maybe that will teach him a lesson.

OK everyone you must have far more exciting lives than I have. I am spending most nights on here. It's addictive!

DS went down quite well tonight. He was asking to go to bed from around 5.30pm again so I knew he was tired. He waited up to see his Daddy and then I took him up to bed at 7.20. He used the potty for a wee , washed, brushed his teeth and I dressed him in his PJ's without any problems. Read a story and then placed him in to the cot. Climbed out and came out of the room twice. I kept really calm and told him that he wouldn't get his DEE DAH back unless he stayed in his room. (it was confiscated earlier in the day). I placed him back into the cot. He came out again. This time he was laughing so I left him, locked the stairgate (at the top of the stairs not room doorway)and I came downstairs. He soon realised that I wasn't going to play his games and went back into his room. After about 20 mins it was quiet so I went up and he was hiding quietly behind the curtains! I put him back into the cot and left. That`was it. I am really pleased. I kept calm and there wasn't really any stress.

I have locked my room and DS2's room so he can't go in and tear everything out of the drawers. It's boring up there now .

Sorry for long post. How are you all getting on?

Well done FOM. Sounds like DD is really trying with her poo's DS did his poo in his pants this afternoon He also only did 2 wees in the potty. The rest were accidents. 1 was all over my sofa cushion and he didn't say a word.

DS had 3 toys confiscated today. Stupid mummy made the mistake of confiscating the largest toys in the house and now I have to find somewhere to put them out of reach!!!

iwearflairs - Whats green eggs and ham? Who's the author?

DH husband and I are fighting over the laptop due to my new addiction!!!

Green eggs and ham is the Cat in The Hat - Dr Seuss

"Do you like green eggs and Ham Sam I Am?"

Fab book my dad used to read it to me when i was little, Bout 30 yrs ago, and its till going strong

Reece - I want to scream reading your initial thread! YOU are the boss, not your ds, YOU are in charge, YOU are the grown up who knows what you're doing why you're doing it and why you want to do it that way!

From the start ds, who is 2.9, learnt that he had the choice of doing things our way (the easy way) or his way (the not so easy way), but even if he wanted it his way it was still going to happen. For example, if he refused to get dressed I still got him dressed, just not as amicably as it would have been if he'd done it when first asked. It only took a few times accompanied by tears and tantrums for ds to realise why he was getting dressed and that it was going to happen whether he wanted to or not - when the tears and tantrums cease try letting him choose his clothes and shoes or getting him to dress a teddy after he's gotten dressed.

With food, personally I'm a big advocate of mostly eating evening meals at a table. If ds misbehaves then I ask him to leave the table and sit on the bottom stair, which doubles as a naughty step. As a result he rarely misbehaves at the dinner table and takes great pride in the praise we give him when tries everything and places his cutlery together to signal that he's finished and full. At breakfast he has a choice of 3 cereals (typically Shreddies, Rice Krispies or corn flakes) and he's gotten into the routine of pulling out 'his' table (the smallest of a nest of tables) and eating breakfast at that. He has other cereals at nursery that I don't have here, and the simple answer if he asks for something we don't have here is we don't have that but we do have blah blah blah. Again, cruel to be kind but ds only refused breakfast twice for him to realise that if he didn't eat what he asked for then he went without, though I filled him up on toast and fruit at mid-morning without him realising that I was doing so.

Routines with a disciplined approach works wonders for us. DS knows the score, and much as he tries to test the line he knows where he stands as much as a 2.9 year old can. It took me quite a while to learn that I'm in charge, not ds, and though it sounds mean to start with, children in the main need to learn boundaries. Don't be afraid to stand your ground. Persevere - it will work!

Good luck!

fotm - The camcorders a good idea. At least you now know shes not upset in there and is just atention seeking.
DD used to be a good walker and still can be on occasions but she now whinges to be carried everywhere even up and down the stairs because ' her feet are too big' dont know whats that got to do with walking but thats the excuse shes using. Also after a walk or outing anywhere she moans because she wants to lay down. I was pandering to this and offering a blanket and cbebbies on thinking the actually was tired but this morning after a 5 minute walk around the street she wanted carrying and then a lay down when we got in so I said fine you know where the seettee is and didnt bother turning tv on or anything. After a minute of being on the settee she soon realised that it was boring. So far today shes moaned about being carried, threw the phone across the room and pinched me. The good bits are that after being threatened with the step she put her drink carton in the bin and got dressed without a problem.
I worry sometimes that im too shouty and strict as she keeps telling everyone that they are naughty and shouts at them so she must be picking this up from me. I need to find something else to say other than 'thats naughty'

Hello Reece I don't make my ds go on the potty in the morning if he doesn't want to/shows no sign of needing to go. Often his nappy is really heavy so I think he pees in it just before he gets up. In this weather he is peeing very little anyway.
I would do the same as you where breakfast is concerned and if he threw it in the floor he would be removed from the room and put upstairs. He would have a full on tantrum and does but my view is he has to learn!
Is your ds having a lunchtime sleep still? I just wondered if he isn't tired when you're putting him to bed if he's up for two hours?
Anyway, all sounds wearily familiar. Sometimes when he kicks off I say 'more kicking, more shouting please' and he doesn't know what to do then!

Hi, just found this thread and just wanted to say I'm right there with you. DD1 (2.10) is driving me round the bend with her tantrums, wailing and whining (my mornings are exactly as you describe and hair combing and suncream are just a complete nightmere every day), thiscombined with DD2 (11 weeks) who has reflux and feeding problems, stay at home motherhood is not how I thought it would be and it's sooooo hot!

Anyway rant over, but I am feeling so guilty about the resentment I feel towards DD1 for her behaviour because I know its all textbook terrible twos, but it's all so mindbendingly draining.....

I don't really have any words of wisdom, we use a hook and eye on the door, so she can't get out, but can see out and we can hear her, but mostly we don't actually have to use it, just the threat of using it works. We have done sticker charts too but she just rips them up when the mood takes her.

To be honest it isn't actually the behaviour itself that's really upsetting me, it's the hideous resentment and frustration that I feel towards her, she was my beloved baby and I don't want to feel like this about her. Also I am just so besotted with DD2 at the moment, she has her own set of problems but all her demands are reasonable and based on genuine need rather than just an inability to take her shoes off or the wrong breakfast cereal. I feel really guilty about feeling so differently about my babies, but when dd1 hits dd2 or pulls her hair it makes me so cross, even though I know she just wants attention. Everyday I resove to try harder and remain zen like and calm but by bedtime I am a gibbering wreck and just have to hand her over to dh as soon as he gets home whilst I go upstairs to do breastfeeding battle with dd2.....yesterday I couldn't even bring myself to go and kiss her goodnight as I was still fuming after two solid hours of mad screaming (both of them). I feel like a horrible mummy....

well anyway, sorry to rant but I just wanted to have a bit of a moan and also to say you are not alone in not really enjoying things at the moment. They will get better though, they have to really, it won't be like this forever and before we know it we'll have something different to worry about like smoking behind the bikesheds or dodgy boy/girlfriends etc

Oh yes kbaby, on the subject of finding something else to say, I definately need to find something different to say instead of "gently, just gently, be gentle with the baby, please don't touch her head, no not even little kisses, no don't do that, she doesn't really like that, that isn't very kind, now you've made her cry, now you have to go and sit on the thinking step" etc etc etc.....

Ginmummy - Thanks for your post. I understand that as the adult I am the boss, I set the boundaries/rules etc. and thats the method of parenting that I have adopted. However, sometimes you just get worn down from constant badgering when you are at home with 2 small kids every day. I also have no family here as I live in a different country so I'm sure that extra support would help. As we all know parenting is a tiring but also fun part of our lives and we all do things as best as we can.

The breakfast senario has been sorted now so I'm pleased about that. He has improved a lot this week, is getting dressed when I ask, is even helping to tidy up and says sorry when he has done something bold. He is still having the odd tantrum but they seem to have dwindled. So I am not doing too bad a job am I?

I just think that sometimes you have to sit back and see the big picture and realise that there are easier ways of doing things. It's so easy though when you are tired,stressed etc. to lose light of this. I will keep persevering anyhow. Thanks again.

FOM - The camcorder trick is a great idea! I think I will try that myself. I have been chuckling to myself about you watching the playback. It must be really interesting and in your case helps to know that DD is actually ok.

kbaby - My DS always tells me I am a 'naughty boy'! It makes me laugh.

Hi petitfilou. My DS is not having a lunchtime nap anymore. He dropped it months ago only to take it up again in May whilst we were on holiday. This continued when we got home and then he started playschool and was worn out. Now he has gotten used to all this new activity he has dropped it again which suits as I know that he will be tired earlier in the evening than before. I think DS has not been settling bacause of all that has been going on in his life at the mo and also the fact that DS2 (16mths) is still downstairs with us may not help and he may think he is missing out on something. DS2 still naps so can't change that. Last night went pretty well and I have fingers crossed for this evening as well. We are out for a picnic this afternoon so should be tired later

It's a slow process but I suppose we all learn. Parenting the 1st child must be hardest in terms of tricks/methods to use right??!

2Crooners. We were posting at the same time!
I feel for you regarding your new little baby and DD1. I had all of your feelings and still sometimes do regarding resentment etc.

As you know its just DD1 looking for your attention and having jealousy issues. This went on for a while for us but I dealt with the hair pulling/pinching baby stuff by reading stories to DS1 whilst feeding DS2. I used to organise a small box of toys that DS2 would play with at babies feeding times to keep him occupied. In fact do anything you can, cuddling etc...to distract DD1 from mesing with DD2. After a while she won't trouble you so much and you will look back and watch the 2 of them playing and giggling together

Love the bit about dodgy boy/girl friends! We will be sitting up late at night waiting for them to come back from town safe as well.

Hi Reece,

I have read about the special toy box thing but not actually tried it as I just assumed that she would play for about 15 seconds, break/destroy all toys and then return to her favourite game of generally taunting me and dd2 and/or rolling around on or jumping off the back of the sofa. However I shouldn't dismiss things until I've tried it, so I'm going to give it a go. She'll think it's great!

She is in nursery today by the way (perk of maternity leave!) which is why I have time to post! Yet again I am resolving myself to be nice to her and do my best to answer all her neverending"why?" questions this evening

Good to know that things are improving for you anyway... I'm off now to put some nice toys in a box!

Good Luck 2crooners with the toybox! If it doesn't work you could try some story books/sticker books/jigsaws - obviously ones that she can pretty much do without too much of your help.

On some occasions I would let my DS1 empty out my vegetable cupboard ito his little shopping trolly just to get DS2's feed done. DS1 used to love it and it took him quite some time. I would tell him what every vegetable was as well so he was also learning something.

It's always with the 2nd baby that you realise how lovely and easy it was to feed DD1 peacefully.

Just put DS1 down for the night. I showered (sometimes easier on mummy's old back and more refreshing in this humidity than a bath) both boys,brushed teeth etc. and then after a story for the both of them together I put DS2 to bed. Then I read DS1 another story all by himself(to make him feel special)in his room and put him into his cot.

He came out about a dozen times and I sayed calm the whole time using a very soft voice. He threw his soothers down the stairs, I picked them up (he has 3!)and took one away and told him I would take another 1 if he came out of the room again. He came out but was on the potty trying to do a wee so I didn't want to punish him by removing a 2nd soother. Don't know if this was the way to handle it as feels like I didn't stick to my threat. Anyway, put him back in cot again and he has stayed there!!grin].

All in all it only took about 15 minutes so I see that as progress and am really pleased.

How is everyone else doing tonight and did you have good trouble free days?

Reece you sound sooo calm! I doubt I would be if DS was doing the same.

I have to say I struggled today - the heat is starting to get to me, it's not dropped below 30ish here since Monday.

It's defintely too hot to argue!

I am going to reinstate DS' nap as he has only had one this week and this afternoon he was dreadful, and we had two wees on the carpet because he is refusing to go on the potty half the time.

Ah well, next week is a new week!

I know bhfk I am soooo shocked with how calm I have been this evening myself (and haven't had a glass of vino yet [grin). DH is out on a stag so maybe thats why I am more relaxed. Don't ask me why, he is a super Dad and great Hubby. I just think that sometimes its easier to do things your way without anyone interfering iykwim.

Things getting better here too and haven't had to put the gate on for two nights running. Last night she stayed in bed and sang to her baby sis who was creating in her cot.
I like this thread as we all sound the same. 2crooners I'm with you on the 'gently, no, more gently, I think when she cries you are squashing her a bit' mantra!!
I had this discussion about the use of the word naughty with DP this week too 'cos sometimes Tilly cries and says 'I'm not naughty' and it is sometimes true. Am trying to use words like 'silly' and 'daft' more to kind of pre-empt any real naughtiness. Also say 'eugh that's not very nice' for example if she is using a spoon to drink with and then we laugh about it a bit and don't get to the drink all over the floor stage.

hi laundrylover, I like this thread too, it's helpful just to know you aren't the only one tearing her hair out on a daily basis.

You said that your dd1 was singing to dd2, are they in the same bedroom? How old are they? I ask because my dd2 is still in with us but in the next few months she will have to go in with dd1 and I really can't see how that will work. I plan to wait until dd2 sleeps through, but still worry about getting them both to sleep in the first place. Having said that it could be one of those things you worry about for ages and then it actually goes quite smoothly...

On the subject of overusing the word naughty, my HV said I shouldn't call it the naughty step, it is now the thinking step where dd2 can go to think about why she is there! I am also not supposed to use either the words good or naughty. Much easier said than done! "It is so lovely when you are kind to your baby sister" "you are so clever for doing a wee in the toilet" " I don't like to hear that whining voice, can you use your nice voice?" etc etc

Reece, I know what you mean about only realising that dd/ds1 was actually quite easy once you have dd/ds2 to deal with too. Babies are so easy compared to toddlers and it's such a luxury to actually choose what you watch on TV whilst feeding, instead of Cbeebies all the time. I hate to say it but I'm actually starting to enjoy watching lazytown . Surely this means my brain is dissolving?