Terrible Twos!!! Feel like calling in Supper Nanny????!!

[Reece]

Ds (2.8) has been difficult since DS2 came along 16 months ago but in the last month his tantrums,tears and stubborness have esculated big time.

Typical morning before 9am - Jumps out cot (refuses to sleep in bed)refuses to use potty, refuses to take off pull-up and PJ's. When downstairs asks for weetabix, serve him with warm milk as asked and then refuses to eat it saying that he wants Special K instead. I say no because he had asked for Weetabix. He then proceeds to throw entire bowl of Weetabix on the floor and rant about Special K. I don't give in and try hard to ignore his tantrum. Still won't use potty, demands TV, I refuse until he uses potty and helps to get dressed and washed etc. He continues to rant and rave for 20 + mins. At this stage we are running late for playschool and DS2 is not washed and dressed etc etc.

I expect there are many of you out there that think this is just intermediate stuff but I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.. I feel myself raging inside but know that will make things worse. He is pushing and pushing me and I know I will burst at some stage.

Last night he refused to stay in his room, kept jumping out of the cot for about 2 hours screaming. He was running all over the house upstairs going through my room etc. I tried the quietly placing him back in bed again and again method (don't know what it's called) but he kept waking DS2. DH and I ended up giving up and going downstairs to leave him to it. i feel like locking him in his room.

How long does the terrible 2's last for? Do they have terrible 3's as well??? Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Help!!

Oh thewill - the fruit thing is so funny. At least he's not asking to go to bed with a chocolate bar!

reece, your day sounds just like mine.
ds has just got up, not wanting his nap anymore so im going to take them out to a playgroup to wear him out.
goodluck going to your frinds, hope theyre not too tired.
i attempted to see my friends new house the other day, but ds locked himself in their kitchen for half an hour then sat by the door saying'say goodbye, going now'
its funny afterwards, but at the time its just annoying.

I feel like documenting every annoying thing he does so that when he has his own kids he can look back and see that he was just the same to his poor mummy.

DS is 25 months old - he has had tanturums on and off since he was about 20 months.

This may not work for everyone, but he had a tantrum with highpitched screaming in Tesco's the other day, so I took DS on trolly to one side, hugged and kissed him (which I do very very often any way) and he stopped. This always works, I guess it just gives him the message that whatever it is that is frustrating him, I am there for him.

My DS is being brought up bilingually and as yet has a very limited vocabulary in either language although he understands everything we say. I put his occassional tantrums down to his frustration and inability to communicate properly.

There are some excellent books on the phases that babies and toddlers go through, I recommend "Child Behaviour" by the Gesell Institute of Human Development. This book doesn't tell you what to do, it just explains the behaviour. I have found it has helped me because although I get upset by what he does, I understand the root cause of his behaviour much better since reading the book and therefore find myself not punishing him for it.

We were all the same at his age and that puts it all into persepective

mimoyello - If I tried to give DD a hug or kiss when she was in a mood she would hit me across the face.
DD just lashes out without thinking about it, its like its almost impulsive. Shes started answering me back now. Shell ask a question and I give an answer and she says 'no its not its x+y' in the end I just say 'yes ok then'

Luckily shes at MIL today so peace and quiet.
I used to work full time and so I guess being home all day is new to both of us and she knows the baby is coming soon so I guess shes unsettled a bit but I could quite happily leave her somewhere atm. 1 minute were playing nicely and the next shes hitting out or throwing.

Bach flower remedies and good girl penny pot works wonders for my DD 2yr 8 mths.

Got a baby due in three weeks and was tearing my hair out two weeks ago. This heat mixed with pregnancy hormones and the terrible twos is not a good recipe. Would reccomend any of you to look at a book called "Growing Up With Bach Flower Remedies" by Judy Howard and this website

www.indigoessences.com

The penny pot came into play because we'd done sticker charts a couple of times and the novelty was wearing of, the naughty cushion became a game and teddy ended up sitting on it more than DD. So she has a money box called " the good girl penny pot" and when she does nice things and is a good girl she gets a penny to put in the pot. She gets rewarded for going to the toilet on her own, tidying toys when asked, playing nicely on her own whilst I get dressed etc. The best one is she now goes straight to sleep at night because she know if she does then there'll be a penny by her pot in the morning! it's working a treat.

Every Saturday we count her pennies and she goes to Asda or Big W to choose a toy.

Am not sure super Nanny would agree with the money thing but in my eyes it's also teaching her that she has to earn money in life!

A good Bach Remedy for tantrum throwing is "cherry plum" also the remedies are great for us mums, I usually have a drop of "rescue remedy" and "hornbeam" when the going gets tough.

Your day sounded lovely FOM. I wish mine was
It started off as hard work and tbh didn't get any better until we went to my friends for lunch. He then had other children to play with and lots of different toys etc to keep him occupied. While we were there he ignored me and only spoke to my friend? Don't know what that was all about. He also told my friend that he needed a wee wee. I was amazed. Why can't he tell me? I took him to the potty and he did a wee . Later on though he came up to me, showed me his hands covered in poo and said 'look mummy'. I simply changed him and the day carried on.
Once we got home he just kept picking on DS2 and pushing him around. I am trying to step back from this and let DS2 stick up for himself a bit but it's really really hard. DS2 is only 16ths and has such a placid gentle nature.

Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Oh as regards rewards etc. Iv'e tried charts, stickers, money pot etc. DS gets bored very quickly. He doesn't even want sweets anymore. He must just enjoy stressing me out .

Will continue post later. Dh needs computer.

HI, hope you dont mind if I join in but hopefully I can shed a bit of light for you. I have 2 DD. Oldest 11, youngest 4.5.
Youngest is another topic totally!! but...

....Oldest DD was an angel until she hit 5 didn't have one tantrum until then and it hasn't stopped since! My advice - if ignoring unwanted behaviour doesn't work, play them at their own game - have a tantrum yourself - it thoroughly embarasses them into acting in the desired manner and makes you feel better for blowing off steam! If you are out and about and do not feel you can scream and throw yourself around on the ground then point out another screaming child (they are easy to find if you look around) and ask your child how they view them and their behaviour with the mother shouting at them and carting them off down the street by the wrist(obviously easier with an older child who can communicate freely).

Another trick I found helped is to cut out TV after 4pm and play puzzles and other brain taxing games appropriate to their age/stage of development as with a mentally tired child you are more likely to get a child more willing to sleep better - a rested child is a calm child I have always found.

Hope this helps without sounding too preachy or patronising but it has worked on my oldest when she has been too much to handle calmly.

Hi I'm back now. Just to follow on from earlier post I use the consequence technique you described FOM. It does work quite often, particularly when you have something nice planned and then use that to get them to behave the way you want them to. It does make life a bit easier. Of course sometimes DS just says 'ok then lets not go to the park'!

I will look at those books mimoyello and carrots. I am reading Supernanny at the moment. I bought it because it is so brief so won't take me long to read. Has anyone read any of the books by Tracy Hogg?

Thats interesting Spikecat. I have had a few mad explosions (wouldn't call them tantrums) in front of DS1 before. I didn't really pay much attention to his reaction but please think of me tomorrow rolling around on the floor kicking and screaming when he has a tantrum. Maybe it will be fun.

You don't sound preachy or patronising. You are honest and are sharing your experience which is exactly what this should be all about. It helps us all to try different things to see what works for us and our lo's.

I find that my DS1 winds down at about 5pm by watching tv. He has normally got all of his bad behavious out of the way at this stage until bedtime of course.

Only got out of room once tonight.Really pleased with that. I think now that he has realised I am not going to stay upstairs to return him to his room he is bored. Mummy not playing the game.

Ds has been wonderful today. We have taken him out a good bit so he has been kept occupied. He has been soooo good I am in shock. DH and I are a little hangover after a late night but that seems to have made us more relaxed with everything.

Poor DS fell at the park this morning on some rocks. he fell right on his face and has a rd and grazed nose, chin etc. Every time I look at him my heart strings are pulled. I couldn't be angry with him today whatever he does.

Glad you had a good day Reece, so did we, makes you feel bad for getting so annoyed on the bad days.
We went to the park, no fuss was made when leaving,and all enjoyed it. hopefully now the weathers cooled down they'll not be so adjitated.

DD's been quite good this weekend also. MIL said she was very good on Friday when they minded her and shes been fine most of the weekend. I think its because theres 2 of us here it doesnt feel like quite a chore as looking after her on my own in the week does.
The only tantrums weve had were because she didnt want to stay in her buggy but walk and then the minute shes out walking she wants to be carried and not sit back in her buggy.
Weve even managed to brush her teeth twice in exchange for a sticker! must admit that ive only tried once a day mind and not twice

Cant remember who asked but I was due on Friday, just playing the waiting game now.

Great to hear a few of us have had good weekends with our lo's. Its great when we can enjoy them and I would agree that when there are 2 of you at home sharing the children it takes the pressure off and everyone is much happier.Fingers crossed for the week ahead

lol FOM. Lie in on your own deffo the best

Great to hear you had a good weekend as well. it always lifts our spirits for the rest of the week ahead.

I may have contradicted myself regarding things being easier/more difficult with/without partners. I find it easier with DH when the kids are in good form but its much more difficult when they are playing up and you are trying to discipline them. Thats when DH and I don't always agree. As supernanny would say ' be consistent'...It's just not that easy at times.

DS was well and truly exhausted last night. We had been to the park in the morning, then had a couple of hours out driving/shopping etc and spent the afternoon at a food fair and funfair. He went to bed at 8.30 and slept straightaway.

Things have definately improved at bedtime although we still have to decide when we are going to move the cot out giving him no choice but to sleep in the bed. Then the fun may begin all over again.

Kids slept til 8.15 and didn't wake up once during the night. Thats a first for July! i am also really tired because of endless nights of having my sleep interrupted. Hopefully this will improve now that the weather is cold and wet again

Chin up FOM

I think that when we have a good night out ourselves it takes about a week to recover these days. We were out Sat night pretty late and I am useless today. Have been in all day as its been raining but brightened now so off to the shops soon. I hate doing the food shop. Both boys always get cranky because they get bored and I end up feeding them in the trolly all the way around the store to keep the peace.

I am having to drink a lot of coffee today to keep my eyes open!

Weve had a good morning. DD and I walked into town and bought new shoes and she was really well behaved. She went to nursery at 12.30 and since i picked her up has been a nightmare. We went over our friends and shes pushed the little boy god knows how many times, hit an older boy and basically been terrble.
My freind thinks that its either nursery where shes picking up the behaviour or she is getting overtired as she seems hyper. The problem is she wont nap in the day unless you physically hold her and weve tried a early bedtime and she wont go to sleep until the normal time and even then still wakes at least 3 times during the night.

I dont know if I should start forcing her to nap.

Evening all,
Just wanted to say how reassuring it is that I am that I'm not the only one. DD1 turned 3 at the weekend and marked the occassion by getting completely over-excited then throwing a couple of huge tanties. Unfortunately monster-in-law is staying at the moment. DD told her to 'get away from me, I hate you', and now I have pressure from her telling me and DH our daughter has 'behavioural problems', 'like you see on TV'.

Oh joy. Just what you need.

Oh minko I feel for you. I would find it ery awkward if I were in your shoes.
FOM is right though, stick to your usual routines and ways of managing the tantrums etc. If you don't DD will take advantage and when your MIL has gone you will be left to pick up the peices again.

People can always be ready to put their tuppence in about how kids are behaving and should be disciplined but the fact is, YOU know how to look after YOUR kids best, not someone that doesn't look after them day in and day out.

Hope things are going ok. How long is she with you for?

When we visit my family in the UK(we are not in UK)we stay with them and it can be really difficult at times to manage 2 small children in someone elses environment. Especially when its not child friendly, your child is running out of his room every night and also peeing all over the house

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