Terrible Twos!!! Feel like calling in Supper Nanny????!!

[Reece]

Ds (2.8) has been difficult since DS2 came along 16 months ago but in the last month his tantrums,tears and stubborness have esculated big time.

Typical morning before 9am - Jumps out cot (refuses to sleep in bed)refuses to use potty, refuses to take off pull-up and PJ's. When downstairs asks for weetabix, serve him with warm milk as asked and then refuses to eat it saying that he wants Special K instead. I say no because he had asked for Weetabix. He then proceeds to throw entire bowl of Weetabix on the floor and rant about Special K. I don't give in and try hard to ignore his tantrum. Still won't use potty, demands TV, I refuse until he uses potty and helps to get dressed and washed etc. He continues to rant and rave for 20 + mins. At this stage we are running late for playschool and DS2 is not washed and dressed etc etc.

I expect there are many of you out there that think this is just intermediate stuff but I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.. I feel myself raging inside but know that will make things worse. He is pushing and pushing me and I know I will burst at some stage.

Last night he refused to stay in his room, kept jumping out of the cot for about 2 hours screaming. He was running all over the house upstairs going through my room etc. I tried the quietly placing him back in bed again and again method (don't know what it's called) but he kept waking DS2. DH and I ended up giving up and going downstairs to leave him to it. i feel like locking him in his room.

How long does the terrible 2's last for? Do they have terrible 3's as well??? Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Help!!

Oh the joys.

DS (2.6) is the same and my days sound familiar to yours.

I keep wondering where my little baby has gone to. This time last year I was completely besotted with him, now I just feel drained.

Doesn't seem like they get any better at 3 from what I have heard and seen with friends.

How do they get so stubborn and strong willed?

"Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel." Yes, same here. Feel like I fighting a never ending battle.

Hope someone comes along that can be more positive than my friends.

Just realised I typed Suppernanny instead of supernanny! I'm cracking up.

Where are all those Mners that are in control of their children?

Thanks CADS - Sorry to hear you are feeling the same as me. Whatever happened to the fun days?

Anyone with some positive advice for myself and CADS?

laugh at them

they're exhibiting independence and demonstrating their own personalities the only way they know how

so as you ignore their behaviour yet again, laugh inwardly

I'm at the start of it with DD who is 2.2 (3 tantrums in the shops on saturday ) ... just smile sweetly, laugh inwardly, ignore and keep thinking "its a phase, its a phase, its a phase"

Oh my god Twiglett you must be strong. I will try the smile and laugh inwardly bit but gee it will be hard.

It's a phase but for how long??? His fussy eating phase has been going on for over a year!

Not much time to post, but my DD2 (2.5) is very similar and is driving me NUTS!! I think she must have at least 20 tantrums a day about everything concievable - particularly food!!!!! I have a DD1 who is 13 months too and doesn't get much time and attention due to DD2's behaviour - and scarily enough, has recently started copying her tantrums - ARGH!! You are not alone reece - we should stick together!!

Thanks Captaindiddy. Yep I'm being driven "NUTS" as well and have a 16mth old that is getting zero attention. The guilt of that is awful.

And DS2 is copying the tantrum behaviour..

I need a good glass or two of wine most nights now just to keep me sain!

I'm having the same trouble with dd2 (she's 3.5, but this behaviour has only started in the last 5-6 months). Possibly linked with the arrival of dd3, although she absolutely adores her. When she's not tantruming, she's a sweet, loving wee thing who you'd never believe capable of such tantrums. No real words of wisdom I'm afraid as I'm battling with her every day too. Tantrums usually stem from me refusing to give her what she wants (usually sweets!) and we can have quite a few of those in a day!

The naughty step doesn't work with us, neither does putting her in her room and holding the door shut for 3 minutes like Supernanny suggests, but the reward chart does seem to be helping (thank you Tesco Toddler Club!) I also find that as mad as I get with her, if she does something funny and I laugh, it completely diffuses the situation. Although of course that's not going to work all the time (wish it did - I'd be laughing all day instead of feeling like crying!)

You have my sympathies, ladies. Hopefully someone will come along later with advice which is more helpful than mine!

I have another one here!! Ds is 2.7 and screams so much he makes himself sick. Speaking to him calmly makes no difference when he is distraught there is absolutely no getting through to him.

God FMS that sounds hard.

I can cope with my DS having the odd tantrum throughout the day but my problem is that he has them continuously.....

He crys at the slightest thing. For instance he can ask for a drink with juice in it and just as I walk into the kitchen to prepare it he starts bawling. I haven't even said no!!!???

I'm finding this too - dd 3yr 3mo. Much worse than she was at 2. She is also really sweet, and can be a complete joy to be with - especially outside the house.

Think its an independence thing, and am finding the less I nag/moan about going to the toilet etc. the less she rants, and the better she is at actually doing it herself (which is the ultimate aim!). So am gradually having to try and withdraw where I used to rush in and help: i.e. do not attempt to help her do anything unless she asks, do not try and talk to her while she is ranting but say 'when you feel calmer, we can have a hug/talk' and leave her to get on with it.

I try not to engage or get into discussions with her. Explain once or twice why she can't and then say 'I'm not going to talk about it any more.' But make it clear that I do want to 'be friends'.

Am also seeing if advance warning of feelings (hers and mine) helps: i.e. 'mummy's starting to get cross', 'I can't hear whining, try asking me in a nice voice' etc.

Yesterday I tried to draw the things we were going to do during the day and asked her to put them in order: go to the park, get food from the shops, go swimming. I was trying to get over that there were things she wanted to do and things mummy wanted to do and things we had to get done. I then gave her the piece of paper and we both went back to it during the day to see what 'our plan' was.

TBH I'm not sure if it is going to help or not, although we went all yesterday without a meltdown, only one mini-meltdown (10 minutes) just before bed.

She's still saying 'no' automatically to everything though, so it still feels like a complete struggle!

I'm looking for ideas to help her calm herself down, as sometimes I can see she has accepted the answer is 'no' but just can't stop crying and screaming - she even says 'I can't calm down mum'.

Another symapthiser here but no wise words I'm afraid.

DS is 2.4 and generally NOT THAT BAD. Or so I keep repeating to myslef. Through gritted teeth.

It's teh mornings that are the problem. I work & DS goes to nursery. This morning he wouldn;t take hi nappy off, choose his pants, go on teh potty, get dressed, come downstairs, put his shoes on, have his suncream on. Every step of the way was a power struggle. I swing from jolly, to bribes, to stern, to enraged.

Today was particulalry bad, but most days are the same.

Sometimes, outwardly, I'm a shaking wreck by the time I get in the car.

But laughing inwardly, of course [forced smile]

I do have the benefit of having a 5.5 year old too though .. so I just laugh with him at her IYSWIM

also having a 5.5 year old you realise really how cute these independence strops can be .. and also how very very temporary they are

of course that doesn't meant that they don't get me down .. of course they do

but you can't shout them out of it

and you can't chivvy them out of it

all you can do is ignore them and they gradually learn to control them

(I taught DS a trick of blowing it out .. he has to blow out for a slow count of 10 when he lost control .. this was in his late 3's, early 4's though .. you can't teach a 2 year old that they don't get it)

Completely agree with Twiglett. I have a 2.5 yr old ds, and a 5 yr old too!

There really isn't an awful lot you can do tbh. The only thing that helped when dd had tantrums was to give her a 5 minute warning, eg, we are leaving the park in 5 mins. But it doesn't work with ds, he hasn't got a clue what I mean!

If you can work out what triggers the tantrums then you can try the distraction method. Half the time it's tiredness, over-stimlulation, frustration etc - other times it's, well I just don't know!

I also have a 5.5 yo, but never in a million years did she have "paddy's" like dd2 does, so it's all relatively new to me!

Kando - I do hope DS2 is better than DS 1 otherwise I will wind up in the nut house!

FOM - Thank you for your words. You are great. DS finally came downstairs (see other thread) and has only just calmed down.

I do give DS warnings about things we are going to do etc 5 mins or so beforehand and that helps. I think I am improving on ignoring the tantrums but I am being pushed so so far. I also stick to my guns on threats etc but DH is a lot softer than I am and he caves in which undos all of my hard work. RRRRR

Every time DS2 naps I spend some quality time with DS1 reading stories, playing in sand pit/garden etc but as soon as DS2 comes down from nap it all starts again.

He is calm now and playing. I put a pull-up on him and he has torn it off. Doesn't like it but refuses to have pants on. Maybe the heat doesn't help.

I am dreading bedtime. Has not had a nap today so hopefully will be tired out in a couple of hours. The rapid return was going well but then got complicated with DS2 howling away and DH having business conference calls at the same time. It's going to be nearly impossible to stiock to it in this situation.Life's just not easy eh. Will let you know how we get on tonight. Hope you have better luck with DD.

I was considering a bolt on the door last night but after 2nd thoughts decided against it. Too risky if he hurts himself. May have 3rd thoughts

DS has door slightly open just to let a little light in. I think the stairgate may be the way to go. I was just hoping that we could teach him to stay in his room but hey, Supernanny tricks don't work for everyone. Will try for a few more nights and see how we go.

I have visions of him climbing over gate but it's worth a try. Thanks for your thoughts.

Well DS had no nap today and it made a difference. He was a nightmare all afternoon (whats new anyway?) and was asking to go to bed from 5.30 onwards. I took him up at 7 and he went straight to sleep. No getting out of cot,room or anything. What a pleasure to see him go off to sleep so soon.It's DS2's turn tonight to give me trouble!! We had some lovely quality time together for once in the evening and he was completely wound down for the night. Awake though now due to teething I think and boy can he cry loud! Just praying he doesn't wake DS1!

How did you get on?

I know this probably isnt the best way to get them to do things but I have started thinking of a treat to do at the end of the day, ie park, see nanny or have some chocolate and if shes naughty throughout the day I just say ' Do you want to do so and so later' when she says 'yes' then I say' well youd better stop what your doing then'
It works 9 times out of 10 and she instantly calms down and stops.

My DD (3.5) has just gone through a phase of this. It was hideous.

With DD it was an independece thing - she stopped wearing a nappy at night (her decision one night that caught me completely unawares) and I think decided she was a BIG GIRL.

From then on she point blank refused to do anything I asked - after bathtime she'd run, wet and cold and hide under the table shouting Noooooooooooo to the towel, clothes etc, like a little wild animal, couldn't clean her teeth, dress her, brush her hair, get her in the car etc. It all happened overnight and I was completely floored.

Giving her a lot of control really helped - she chose a new toothbrush and toothpaste and then started to clean her teeth again. I let her pick out her own pjs and put them on (inside out and back to front of course ) and got her to choose clothes in the morning.

Before - she didn't give a stuff about any of this and was almost the opposite in wanting me to do everything.

We've always had a struggle at bedtimes. It's been our bete noir. I loathe bedtimes. At the moment her bed is in our room, it's been the only way I've been able to get her to go to bed and sleep. After a couple of weeks of this she's now started to come out repeatedly again.

I have a tigger toy with a sticker chart on it - when she gets 7 stickers she gets the tigger. So far after 4 nights she's got 2 stickers - it's not quite incentive enough. She got those because she was poorly and went straight to sleep! We've also tried sweets in balloons that she can pop to get the sweets in the morning if she doesn't mess around, it worked for 2 days. A normal sticker chart didn't work, not exciting enough (trip to zoo after 10 stickers - took us months). We also start reducing the number of books I read and then the final one is removing her tv time.

I'm off to the shops this weekend to get a snazzy new den bed, I'm hoping this will lure her back into her room and encourage her to stay there. Most nights she messes around for at least an hour, then gets up in the night and finally gets me up at 6.

I think you're doing everything right by the sounds of it. I found that DD would also eventually comply if I refused to give her something that she wanted - ie you can have your xzy when you are dressed. Come on let's race!

What happens if you give him a choice in the morning, or if he misbehaves and you turn your attention exclusively to DS2?

Do you think it's attention seeking or independenc e or just toddler?

I was going to suggest ditching the pull ups if he fins them so offensive(expensive habit if he keeps ripping them off) and really going for the potty training, but not sure if now is a good time if he's being so wilful.

I completely sympathise with you. I found this phase a total nightmare, and I only have one to deal with.