Terrible Twos!!! Feel like calling in Supper Nanny????!!

[Reece]

Ds (2.8) has been difficult since DS2 came along 16 months ago but in the last month his tantrums,tears and stubborness have esculated big time.

Typical morning before 9am - Jumps out cot (refuses to sleep in bed)refuses to use potty, refuses to take off pull-up and PJ's. When downstairs asks for weetabix, serve him with warm milk as asked and then refuses to eat it saying that he wants Special K instead. I say no because he had asked for Weetabix. He then proceeds to throw entire bowl of Weetabix on the floor and rant about Special K. I don't give in and try hard to ignore his tantrum. Still won't use potty, demands TV, I refuse until he uses potty and helps to get dressed and washed etc. He continues to rant and rave for 20 + mins. At this stage we are running late for playschool and DS2 is not washed and dressed etc etc.

I expect there are many of you out there that think this is just intermediate stuff but I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.. I feel myself raging inside but know that will make things worse. He is pushing and pushing me and I know I will burst at some stage.

Last night he refused to stay in his room, kept jumping out of the cot for about 2 hours screaming. He was running all over the house upstairs going through my room etc. I tried the quietly placing him back in bed again and again method (don't know what it's called) but he kept waking DS2. DH and I ended up giving up and going downstairs to leave him to it. i feel like locking him in his room.

How long does the terrible 2's last for? Do they have terrible 3's as well??? Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Help!!

Well DS ws brilliant! Didn't wake and slept throught to 8am!!! This is what he always used to do but not anymore. Expecting last night to be a one off but will keep you posted.

He was in great form when he woke this morning, completely rested etc. He did everything I asked!!!! What happened? Did a fairy visit him in the night? He took his PJ's and his pull-up off when I asked him to and then did a wee on the potty! He then had breakfast, asking for fruit and fibre and eating it. Didn't ask for anything else. Then had his toast, washed, brushed teeth and got dressed. Its as if he is a different child. I can't get over it.

Picked him up from playschool. Wearing same clothes I dropped him off in! Got into the car seat 1st time I asked etc etc. Ate all of his lunch and has just been to the potty to do a poo and a wee. What has happened? He has been the model child... I am so excited by all of this yet have a voice saying its only today, its only today, the little horror will be back tomorrow.....

Complete sympathy Reece. DD1 (2.6) has been exhibiting this kind of behaviour on and off too since DD2 arrived 9 mths ago. Like your DS, she's an angel if she gets enough sleep. Haven't had time to read all the posts but has anyone suggested looking at what he eats? I find that if DD stays off sugary foods (she doesn't get much with additives in) she's better. Also if she gets worn out then she will sleep through the night. She's in nursery 2 whole days a week and is absolutely shattered then, falling asleep by 7.30 (very early for her) and sleeping (mostly) for a good 12 hours.
Also, I see someone suggested laughing at them - I do this all the time. Oh and bucket loads of patience - the hugs and kisses definitely make up for the tough times!
Don't forget you're not alone, though that's no help when you're pulling your hair out.
Good luck!

Thanks jaamy. I have cut down sugary foods a lot recently. He has quite a small food palette and most of it is as healthy. I am really careful about additives etc. One problem is that he doesn't eat and fresh fruit or vegetables!! I supplement these with dried fruit, raisins,banana etc, soups and he drinks quite a lot of fresh fruit smoothies. I am trying to keep a closer eye on it all the same to see if he has his temper tantrums after eating anything in particular.

I do however put his recent bad behaviour simply down to expressing his independance etc as others on this thread have mentioned. I would also contribute the fact that I have been potty training him for the last month and he has also been going to playschool for the 1st time in the last 3 weeks. I suppose there is just a lot going on for him. On top of all that he is jumping out of his cot....

Playschool is 5 days a week 9.30 - 12.30 and for the 1st 2 weeks he was coming home shattered and going down for a nap. This week he seems to have finally settled in and has more energy afterwards. He has not had a nap again today so hopefully will go to bed 7/7.30 and will settle quickly like last night.

I have been trying the singing and laughing thing and it has had some effect. Not always an effect on him but on me!!! It makes me focus on something other than his tantrum.

So far so good today. He has been a little gem.

I try to take the boys out for a walk on the park every evening after their tea. They meet the other kids in the neighbourhood there and end up playing football and playing on their bikes etc.

It's not always easy to do this every day but when I do it does help. The fresh air works wonders. The only thing is DH then has a late dinner... Can't keep em all happy all of the time.

Does your DD go to playschool or playgroups FOM? DS has been getting all this new stimulation which is due to end this week until Sept but I think he is enjoying now and it wears him out. Only thing is - He has obviously been getting overtired and radgy as well. We just can't win.

DS dropped his nap months ago until playschool started up. Now he seems to be doing without it altogether. Has been great all day but I also suspect he has a little cold on the way. Maybe that is why he is more subdued today.

Ah Reece I feel your pain. Totally agree with FOM's golden rules. It is just a phase, it will pass... but only if you are consistent (which is what FOM's rules are about). Am currently dealing with DT tantrums... have you ever heard the volume of screams in stereo? Believe me... you can do anything after that! Also dealing with teenage and pre-teen tantrums. 13.5yo DS and 11yo DD. Bloody hell but I'm doing a lot of singing. I just whack my CD up and sing and sing and sing!

Anyway, as I tell myself daily, this too will pass. Then I'll probably keep harking back to the days when they were little and cute. When I do..... someone slap me!

Reece, DS is potty training & dropping his nap.

He has to do absolutely everyhting, even if it is totally obvious he can;t manage it.

I think dropping his nap is making it worse because he is more tired.

This morning he threw one of his trains while I was trying to get him dressed, so I told him I would take them away if he did it again. I thought he'd got teh message but he then threw it again a bit laster and it hit me on teh jaw.

I was so shocked I nearly forgot to be cross, anyway teh trains went stright up on the top of the wardrobe, and he seemed to accept it, so I think it was real testing of the boundaries.

This afternoon he kept coming in to me from teh garden while I was cooking tea and saying "Mummy, I been naughty"...when he hadn;t really done anything wrong.

I think he's trying to work out what it all means, so I'm determined to try & stay consistent & not get too frustrated with it all.

You are all so good. I feel better already
Marslady - I find wacking the CD player up works at times to. Music can do wonders for the mind.

Hope you are all having a good day today. Mine isn't too bad so far although I spoke too soon yesterday about the night time behaviour. DS didn't have a nap again yesterday so I thought he was going to be exhausted. At 7.30 I took him upstairs for the bedtime routine. He wouldn't comply with anything yet again. After much struggle we read stories and then it was time to say goodnight. All was fine and then 2 seconds later he was out of the cot and out of the room!!!! I tried the rapid return method and after about 50 returns and no eye contact or words spoken it became too difficult to continue. DS2 was howling downstairs, DH was on a long business call and DS1 just kept laughing at the whole thing. He thought that it was a game and really enjoyed rushing out of his room. As soon as he was asked to return he walked back in, got into bed and I closed the door. Then it started all over again....

I really wanted to stick with the rapid return and am frustrated that I couldn't but DS2 cannot be left alone and DH has a huge business deal on at the moment so is no help.

I love the spooky low voice bit FOM! I try that now and again but like you it doesn't work every time.

Anyway last night ended miserably. I threatened DS that I would take his Fire Engine ride on away and he didn't care. It was taken away in front of his eyes and put out of reach. He didn't seem to care. After about an hour and a half he finally settled (DH had to go up to him).

He has just in the last half hour asked for his DEE DAH (fire engine) and I explained that it had been taken away and he couldn't have it back until he learnt to stay in his room at bedtime. Will this have hit any brain cells? We shall have to wait and see.

FOM I didn't last longer than you on the rapid return thing. I had to keep abandoning it to attend to my little one and then start all over again. It just wasn't consistant enough.

I can see what you mean about trying to do rapid return when your b'friend is over. It needs all of your time and devotion and then what happens to poor mummy's time? It's an awkward situation but if you are feeling brave and energetic enough (or mad enough!!!) I suppose you could try it again sometime maybe when your boyfriend isn't over for a few days. You could be surprised. It could work and then the dreaded rope could go. I get the feeling that you really don't like using it. At least it works for now though. I can't think of any other ideas at the moment. Sorry.

I haven't resorted to a gate or anything yet but there is plenty of time.

It sounds like you spend a good bit of wind down and quality time with your DD so it must be irritating when she then gets up to bed and starts playing up. This is just what DS does.

Interestingly DS went up to bed tonight at 7.15, bathed etc and after story he was put in his cot and never came out

I am baffled. Maybe he wants his Dee Dah back tomorrow or is just wrecked as was out all afternoon at a pals in the garden,paddling pool etc. I am just going to have to wear him out as much as possible becasue he obviously has a lot of energy that needs to be used up.

iwearflairs - My DS "is in a cot"!!! he just keeps jumping out of it. Refuses to go into the toddler bed set up next to his cot. I'm not pushing him, will let him decide when he is ready.

Reece, I haven't read all the thread but we have one like yours in the female variety and 2.5!
Sounds like things have improved but just a suggestion on the stairgate idea. We have had bedtime probs on and off for the last few months (DD2 is 16 weeks) and have gone through the rapid return etc etc.
We have now dropped nap time completely and have an adjustable gate with a net type filling that goes across the door. After 3 stories and 3 songs (got very strict on this too and she loses them for too much messing around!) she gets one chance and then if she's out of bed the gate goes on. She can't climb over it so has a mild paddy and falls asleep against it. However she has gone from 1.5 hours to half an hour and then only 5 minutes tonight. It's hard to do but easier than geting stressed out for hours and this has all been on the advice on the nursery nurse at our local clinic. This type of gate is good 'cos it's pretty noiseless when kicked and can also be taken away completely when things improve.
I think back to the days of a happy child and perfect bedtime but they are a misty memory.

My dd is 2.8 and she has changed in the last three mnnths.I get the I want that,NO now I want THAT (usually what I have).Lots of NO and shouting at me. Wingeing has increased and we have had a few throwing self on floor and stamping of feet.

I putit down to two things.A growing sense of her own independance and asserting her own strong personality and the fact that she doesnt have a day time nap anymore and although good sleeper (7-7) does occasionally get overtired.

How I deal with her 'exorcist' moments? I completely ignore her and say to myself "she is NEVER going to beat me' and eventually she comes and gets on my knee and says sorry.So I am with the praise good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour brigade, it works for me and yes its very hard to ignore when your tired,stressed,hot,paying the milkman but I figure it wont last............

laundrylover what brand is the gate that you use?

Choc Peanut - lol 'exorcist' moments! I'm trying to ignore the bad and praise the good. I ned to be stronger.

Arghhhh... I spoke too soon. DD has been a nightmare the past 2 days. Yesterday was a constant battle of getting her to do things ie she ran around the room when I was getting her dressed and defiantly shouted no to everything. She had kicked me and threw some toys so had been on the naughty step twice by 10.30am.
Today she was good as gold getting dressed, she had a tantrum in asda because she wouldnt get in the trolley but I said I was going so she followed me and agreed to sit in so that was dealt with quickly but then this afternoon we went to my friends for her to play with her DS and according to DD every toy was 'mine' she kept pushing the other boy away and because they were both told off for trying to open a gate DD saw this as her job and each time the little boy went to play with the gate he was told off by DD and pushed against a wall! Tonight weve been hit, scrammed and had our hair pulled all because she didnt want a bath.
Why oh why is everything such a battle with them??

It's called 'Safety 1st' but we were given it (as per usual!) so can't advice on where to buy.
Do you think all our kids have been reading the same manual?? I find the whining much more difficult than the tantrums to be honest and that is when I struggle to hold it together.
Both DDs share a room since last week and poor DD2 has learnt to be soothed to sleep by her sister's protesting!!

I have on occasion when the head spinning and projectile vomiting starts ,got down to her level and held both arms by her side and said firmly NO.This results in tears and an end to it all. I also have a look (which works on dh too

Oh Kbaby what a nightmare. That's exactly what we going through. I have just been out and bought the Suppernanny book. Must be mad really because books have never really helped in the past. I think its just desperate measures and something for me to think about/try.

Thanks Laundrylover I'll check that gate out. Do you really love laundry?

Choc Peanut - Projectile Vomiting during a tantrum!!!??? Yuk.

FOM - I can't hack it either! It's sooooo stressful for all of us. Will see how things go next few days. Playschool finishes tomorrow so routine is going to change all over again. Hope it doesn't get worse.

I also agree, its the whining that really gets to me. DS's whining seems to knaw away at my self control until I pop!

Haven't read the whole thread (my DS1 is 2.5 and a lot of what you said initially sounds familiar). We just have a normal stairgate on his door and have since he went into a bed. Its essential not only at bed time but also in the early morning so I can feed DS2 in peace and not get jumped on at 5am!!
He is fine playing on his own in his room and at least I know he is safe as his room is completely toddler proof (unlike the bathroom etc!)