Terrible Twos!!! Feel like calling in Supper Nanny????!!

[Reece]

Ds (2.8) has been difficult since DS2 came along 16 months ago but in the last month his tantrums,tears and stubborness have esculated big time.

Typical morning before 9am - Jumps out cot (refuses to sleep in bed)refuses to use potty, refuses to take off pull-up and PJ's. When downstairs asks for weetabix, serve him with warm milk as asked and then refuses to eat it saying that he wants Special K instead. I say no because he had asked for Weetabix. He then proceeds to throw entire bowl of Weetabix on the floor and rant about Special K. I don't give in and try hard to ignore his tantrum. Still won't use potty, demands TV, I refuse until he uses potty and helps to get dressed and washed etc. He continues to rant and rave for 20 + mins. At this stage we are running late for playschool and DS2 is not washed and dressed etc etc.

I expect there are many of you out there that think this is just intermediate stuff but I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.. I feel myself raging inside but know that will make things worse. He is pushing and pushing me and I know I will burst at some stage.

Last night he refused to stay in his room, kept jumping out of the cot for about 2 hours screaming. He was running all over the house upstairs going through my room etc. I tried the quietly placing him back in bed again and again method (don't know what it's called) but he kept waking DS2. DH and I ended up giving up and going downstairs to leave him to it. i feel like locking him in his room.

How long does the terrible 2's last for? Do they have terrible 3's as well??? Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Help!!

FHOTM - are you the same person as FOTM - just noticed name change!

Not very observant am I, week later!

Just caught up on all the posts. DH took laptop overnight again. I really miss it when he takes it.

Anyway, sleepysooz - you poor thing having difficulties with bathtime. DS1 sometimes kicks up a fuss but I just plonk him in and give him a really quick scrub down. DS2 (19 mths) was refusing to get into the bath a week or so ago. He would just scream every time we tried to put him in. We always plonked him in anyway and washed him really quickly. He isn't fighting us anymore so must have given in.

We have a fab floating alphabet book. Its a foam book with every letter cut out and on the back is a picture of something beginning with that particular letter. The boys love this because the letters can be put back into the book, they can float and they also stick to the walls/bath etc. It's a great distraction. Very simple and the kids are getting educated in the bath!!!!!
It was a gift so not sure which shop it came from but supplied by www.innovativekids.com

The buttons sounds like a good idea! I would like that myself!

FHOTM - Like the name. I was slow off the mark on that 1 too! Sorry to hear DD is getting up in the night. DS has been doing this off and on for a while. It is exhausting and we are wondering when it will ever come to a end. Saying that both DS's slept through last night. They are sleeping better since the weather got colder. I think they like being snug in their blankets.

DS1 has also been staying in his cot when we put him to bed since we came back from our holiday. He still calls me once or twice though asking for a drink or saying that he wants a wee.
Re: your stickers and Thomas Magazine - could you maybe give DD another incentive of something small after 3 stars??? Just an idea as 7 stars may be too long for her to wait and not see the benefit of staying in her bed.

I know, its awful how we have to resort to bribery but sometimes we are just so tired and tested that we will do anything to get some rest. Hope she was ok tonight for you.

Oh FHOTM you poor thing. Yes they are very clever and know exactly what buttons to press to get what they want. Well done for not giving in.

DS1 woke at 5.30 this morning and tried to get into our bed. I never hear him coming in (I was sleeping like a log) but DH does and he lets him climb up onto the bed etc.before In wake. I was not happy and returned DS to his bed immediately. He kicked up a bit of a fuss and woke up DS2! I then spent the next 1.5 hrs going from 1 room to the next trying to calm the boys down so DH and I could get a few more mins in bed. It was so hard to not let either one of them into the bed but we didn't until it was 7am. This of course may now have sent the wrong message to them as they got into the bed in the end.

I don't think they understand the difference between the middle of the night and 7am. So I am also considering bannig kids in our bed altogether even though it is nice to cuddle up 1st thing.

I really feel for you going through all the crying last night. It is soooooo hard to do that. I am like you. I try my best to let them cry it out, but eventually I go in, give small amnount of comfort and leave. It can be difficult for us to sometimes tell if the cry is them trying it on or if they really are upset. They are masters at changing their cry to suit!

Hope tonight is better for you.

Whatever happened to the days of our lie in's and wonderful deep healthy sleeps through the night!!???

Thanks FHOTM.
Looks like we are going through a similar phase.
Maybe all toddlers are like this!!!

I'm out with a pal for a bite to eat tonight so Daddy has to make sure there are no bedtime problems. I'm a little concerned (I know its awful as I normally trust him immensly)as he is not as firm as I am and tends to give in rather quickly. If either of the boys make a play for coming downstairs he will find it touch.

Will have to have encouraging words beforehand.

Rotton luck this sleep deprivation, how long can we go on for!

I'm off to the doctors tomorrow, I'm fed up with the question in my mind, am I depressed or not, I have good days but the bad days are so dark and empty that they are getting us all down, not just me, so I think now the children are being affected I have to do the most responsible thing and get myself sorted once and for all!

I blew mi top the other day in front of my mum and she gave me no support whatsoever, in fact she was still on about it today, making me feel worse than I already do! DD even tells me she loves me too often which tells me she is starting to feel insecure with my mood swings, I am sooo sad for them, they don't deserve a crap mother like me.

The last time I went to the doctors, she said I was just exhausted and that it wouldn't last forever, but 3 years is forever when its starting to affect DTs it hurts me inside! saying that I should be able to shake it and I can't.

I think I was like this when my DS! was 3yo, must be that age where you just feel out of control and out of your depth, obviously I got through it, so at least I know there is light at the end of that long long tunnel!

So glad i have found this thread. DS was such a loving, gentle natured boy a couple of weeks ago. He has just started to speak very well for his age and especially likes the word 'NO'! Today for example i went shopping with my mom and went for a coffee. He wouldnt sit on the chair properly, ran off into the shopping centre, wouldnt get back in his buggy, threw his shoe off twice. Pulled the hood off the buggy and when told to stop it he kept shouting no at me and tried to smack me. I dont smack him though. Then on the way home he has discovered how to get out of his car seat and so i had to stop 3 times to put him back in!!! And no i didnt buy anything funnily enough.I have tried naughty step, corner but he will not stay there. He was only 2 last week is he too young for that???I need to find a discipline that works for us because so far i am not getting any joy. Used naughty step with ds1 and that worked but ds2 is different. HHHHEEEEELLLLPPPPPPP MMMMEEEE!!!!

Hia Shatteredmumsrus! been posting to you on another thread, re lack of sleep!

But your on the right thread for awkward 2 yo's, you poor thing with car seat behaviour, I think the only thing when they are only just 2, is distraction in the most over the top manner, to get their attention, I only started the naughty step recently as twins didn't take to it either and they are 3 (next tuesday)

Aw, I feel so guilty, they havent ever had a party yet, because I don't go out with them they don't know anybody, so just have family and 1 close friend with a 7yo and 12yo, they are coming for a little party tea, so I'll have to buck mi ideas up and cheer up for them, I'm just sooo tired and can't be bothered! the crap mummy that I am!

Oh sleepysooz I really feel for you suffering all that sleep deprivation. I think a lot of us are in need of some serious sleep. I feel exhausted tonight and am going to make this my last post so I can toddle off to bed.

It is so hard when night after night our lo's keep waking up at the most awful hours. I am so tired of getting up and returning DS1 to his room only for him to return an hour later and an hour after that etc etc...... When both boys sleep all the way through the night it is like a dream. This of course is very rare.

Anyway I will stop babbling. Just wanted you to know that we know what you are going through.
Hope you got on ok at the Dr's. I was considering visiting mine about 6 weeks ago. I was so low, lower than ever and felt that I was maybe depressed. I never went though and have been feeling like myself again (apart from tiredness). I seem to go through cyles of happy weeks and then really low weeks.

I'm in a happy one at the moment

Hi shatteredmumsrus. I think every child is diferent when it comes to understanding things like the naughty step, bold corner etc but you can only find this out after using it a few times. If you have a stubborn a child as my DS1 then you will probably try every single discipline technique that you can until one seems to take effect. Remember though, you must stick to it and be consistent.

My DS1 is 2.11 and is still having serious terrible 2's. DS2 is 19mths and I am beginning to get nervous when the time comes for him to be having terrible 2's as well! Both at the same time - I will go insane. He is showing signs of striking out for his own independence. Refusing to get into car seat, going all stiff etc.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. It helps to know you are not alone.

Sleepysooz - Enjoy your tea party. I am sure it will be lovely.

Well I've gone and done it, been to the doctors, got so fed up of mood swings (bit worse) specially with sleep deprivation, and I am being treated for depression/obsessional behaviour, not been on anti-depressants before, feel I have failed myself just for that good record!

Must admit I have done it for the twins sakes not my own, I feel so sad that they have a grumpy mummy. I love them so much, I just hope I have caught it in time before I ruin their lives.

x post, but thanks reece

Sleepysooz my pld mate. I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this low. You did the right thing going to the dosctors, remember it is not forever. Hopefully the tablets will suit you and make you feel so much vetter. Get you back on an even keel. Does your partner support you?Being a mom is the hardest, most challenging and tiring job in the world but the most rewarding by far and you are a great mom and obviously care a huge amount for your children so you will never fail them and they love you unconditionally too!!! I have good and bad weeks like most i suppose. If he sleeps well its a good week and vice cersa!!!

Thanks shateredmumsrus, unfortunately the AD's don't suit me, I suddenly felt hot, my heart pounded, then I had to rush to the loo, diarrhoea and sickness, nearly passed out then had uncontroleable shakes in spasms starting from toes to head, so I think I will stop taking them and contact doctor, I can't be ill like that with family to look after, even if they do take a few weeks to settle!

How would I look after twins?

Oh well, have to try different route!

I hope you have had some settled nights lately, and have had some decent zzzzZZZZZZZ's

You too SS. My friend had to change her ADs twice before she got the right ones for her. You cant live like that SS its not fair on anyone.He was up at 3.15 and 5.50 last night. I have give up trying new ways and thinking of why he does it???

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR 2 YO SAYS 'NO' TO EVERYTHING YOU ASK OR TELL THEM TO DO?

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR 2 YO SAYS 'NO' TO EVERYTHING YOU ASK OR TELL THEM TO DO?

Shatteredmumsrus - thats a hard one, reece and I both have this awful predicament, I try and word things differently now making it seem twins own ideas to do whatever, like I say, 'think I might go outside and play, I'd better get dressed or I'm going to be cold' then they get dressed, same with if we go to the shops, I ask them what shall we buy from the shops, more times than not they help out!

It is hard though, mine are fighting alot at the moment, wanting different tv programme, or different game or different food, it never ends, nothing seems right whatever you do.

Good luck!

good idea ss, ill try that one x

Hi sleepysooz.
Sorry you are having a tough time at the moment.

This is probably going to sound silly and please tell me to go bugger off if you want to but do you get much time to yourself away from the kids because I think it may help? It has worked for me. I was feeling depressed a while ago and it was only when I stared to make regular arrangements to get out with my pals on the odd evening, and make sure that myself and DH get out together at least once a fortnight that I started to feel like myself again.

Sometimes the simplest things can lift our spirits without having to take pills. Obviously it may not always be the case but its worth a try.

I make sure I get fresh air every day with the kids, I go everywhere with them that I would normally go by myself (so I don't get cabin fever)no matter how hard it can be, I have joined a gym to give me more energy..... I am feeling better about myself now than I have done in a long time. I think I slipped into baby world and lost myself. Now I am coming out the other end and I feel great

Sorry for the babble but basically what I am trying to say is maybe some "me" time would really help.

My DH has been looking after the kids all weekend on his own whilst I was away. DS's were really well behaved and I got some freedom!!!!

Thanks reece, I feel quite guilty, cause I do get me time, I do karaate, ok its with DS1 10yo but I enjoy it, and I work 2 evenings 4-10pm per week, so I am away from home 4 nights a week! but we don't go out as a couple, have no friends, no family support and generally never go anywhere, so yes on that score life is pretty dull, but my DH is so good, he lets me go upstairs for me time, when he comes home from work, but I must admit I do help DS with homework! (so much of it, up to an hour a day)

I hear what you're saying, its a case of not enough hours in the day. I realise I have to make time, its just so difficult.

I would never tell you to buggar off unless you called me 'your sweet child' hee hee

Twins had 3rd birthday yesterday, family came in the morning then it was just us for the rest of the day, was nice but felt alone!{: