Terrible Twos!!! Feel like calling in Supper Nanny????!!

[Reece]

Ds (2.8) has been difficult since DS2 came along 16 months ago but in the last month his tantrums,tears and stubborness have esculated big time.

Typical morning before 9am - Jumps out cot (refuses to sleep in bed)refuses to use potty, refuses to take off pull-up and PJ's. When downstairs asks for weetabix, serve him with warm milk as asked and then refuses to eat it saying that he wants Special K instead. I say no because he had asked for Weetabix. He then proceeds to throw entire bowl of Weetabix on the floor and rant about Special K. I don't give in and try hard to ignore his tantrum. Still won't use potty, demands TV, I refuse until he uses potty and helps to get dressed and washed etc. He continues to rant and rave for 20 + mins. At this stage we are running late for playschool and DS2 is not washed and dressed etc etc.

I expect there are many of you out there that think this is just intermediate stuff but I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.. I feel myself raging inside but know that will make things worse. He is pushing and pushing me and I know I will burst at some stage.

Last night he refused to stay in his room, kept jumping out of the cot for about 2 hours screaming. He was running all over the house upstairs going through my room etc. I tried the quietly placing him back in bed again and again method (don't know what it's called) but he kept waking DS2. DH and I ended up giving up and going downstairs to leave him to it. i feel like locking him in his room.

How long does the terrible 2's last for? Do they have terrible 3's as well??? Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Help!!

Shoot me if you like?? but I think nanabean made some good points kids do take advantage if tthey think they can!? I think some of you we're really rude to her this site is open to anyone's opinion you cant ask her to leave? Maybe it's just a shock when someone amswers your post but dont hummour you? I'v met her on other threads and I think she's tough but speaks lot of sense IMHO

She might have talked sense, but she was very condensending with it, no need for that! there are nice ways of saying things! still getting the point across

dont you think it's very hard to judge someone's intent in a post like text messages? Maybe just caring? surely if she did'nt mean to help she would'nt have posted at all? Anyway good luck with your probs raising kids is never easy and we all do it differently thank goodness or would'nt sites like this be boring

I appreciate your comments makemineadouble. Nobody is looking to shoot you! Just to straighten things out though, I never asked and never would ask someone to leave this site. I am in no position to do that and everyone has a right as you say to voice their opinions on different topics. That's what these sites are all about. Sorry that you misunderstood my post.

I agree, kids definately take advantage whenever they possibly can. Its our job as parents to set the guidelines and keep control of every situation as best as we can. Its just sometimes easier said than done when you are having a challenging day with 2 kids under the age of 3!

I welcome any advice. I simply didn't appreciate being called 'sweet child' and being told to 'behave like a mother'. It wasn't necessary.

Thank god I'm not alone!!

I had a meltdown this morning when DD (2.3) just refused to get into the carseat. Again. I'm starting to dread every morning and evening, which is awful, because on working days those are the only times I spend with her.

Tantrums don't actually bother me too much. I can bear the embarrassment in shops/the street/wherever, and I have a high tolerance level of howling, wailing, kicking legs. But, I'm being worn down by the 'herding cats' aspect. Every morning it's a struggle to get her dressed, breakfasted, out of the house, into the car, into nursery. Clothes can never be put on until we're standing by the front door and I'm pretending to leave without her.(But that's a bluff that won't work for much longer.) And every morning I get to work a bit later.
Every evening for the last few weeks she has also thrown a tantrum about going home.

The only thing that does subdue her is the dummy, but I'm determined not to increase use of that thing,at a time when I'm trying hard to restrict it just to bed.

On days when I'm not working I don't mind if she wanders about naked for hours, and I'm very relaxed about most other things. But she really is challenging me, and I feel shattered. This morning I ended up shouting at her and slamming car doors, but that just made me feel awful, and didn't alter her behaviour.

It's compounded by the fact that I feel (irrationally) guilty about a little 2 year old having to get up 3 mornings a week to go to nursery.
Tomorrow I am going to try a new approach. No breakfast until she is dressed and ready, downstairs. Still don't know what to do about the car. Wondering whether a booster seat might be easier.

(Nanabean - I want to be the adult. In concrete terms what do you do when a child will not submit to being put in a carseat? I really need to know.)

I had a book 'Explosive Child' sent me from another mnetter, and its a godsend, its all about putting certain behaviours in say Basket A - for dangerous or violent behaviour, Basket B - almost everything else, Basket C - for things that can be ignored for the moment like, brushing teeth, picking toys up, keeping bedroom tidy.

I know this is for older children, but I have seen a significant improvement on the twins. The idea is, everything in Basket A is worth inducing a meltdown over, because they are definitely unnacceptable.

Things in Basket B you teach a child decision making, like lets put your coat on for playschool, (child grumbles) then you keep calm and explain what will happen if they don't get ready, but leaving open ended statements for them to have to think for themselves how to make a conclusion of the consequences. But you have to start this procedure before the meltdown.

Then in Basket C ignore everything, its only important to you, its not worth having a meltdown over. You can always come back to those situations when the child gets used to thinking of solutions to their niggles!

Sorry if that seems gobbledigook, but i hope you get the gist of it!

We did it last week when DS wouldn't get dressed, if he wanted to play outside without clothes on, would he be cold and uncomfatable? Makes them use their own decision making giving them the capabilities to compromise and organise life skills better!

For my older child, its a case of compromising, say he wants to go swimming at 2pm and I want 3pm if he goes at 2pm then I will be dissapointed if we go at 3pm he will be dissapointed so how can we work it out so we are both happy, then hopefully he would think and reply 2.30pm or 2 this week and 3 next week!

Well its working for me! a little day by day!

FHOTM thank you soooo much for posting at such length and so usefully. You're a star. Loads of good suggestions.

I had a reasonable evening today. Decided to leave the car at the nursery and walk home with DD at her pace. Will do the same in the morning. Am also going to sit DP down and define some boundaries and our own A, B, C misdemeanours. Above all, frankly, I think both DD and I need a good night's sleep.

Sorry you're worried about your DD at pre-school. That's the great thing about motherhood isn't it? The guilt gets you one way or another. I fret about having to take DD to nursery, you fret about DD not being prepared for pre-school. We all fret. Hope it improves, I'm sure it will.

Welcome to the thread DeathwatchBeetle73
Sounds like you are having a tough time with your lo.

The sticker chart that FOTM suggested sounds like a good idea and at least a try anyway. Unfortunately for my DS the novelty of this has worn off and therefore I use 1.2.3. If DS refuses to get into car seat I say that I am going to count to 3 and if he isn't in his seat cross mummy will come. It works nearly every time On the odd occasion I have to force him in. This scenario was bad for a while and my DS is extremely stubborn but things on that front have improved a lot since 1.2.3.

The getting dressed scenario in the mornings is a frustrating one as well. We have this on occasion but most of the time he does get dressed with my help. The problem I have is getting him washed and doing his teeth. They all test us on all of these things don't they! At least I know I'm not alone.

FOTM - after reading your posts I see quite a few similarities between our 2 lo's. I think a lot of it is to do with pre-school. The crying when you get to pre-school, and the accidents they are having on the potty front

I have been told by DS's teacher that he sometimes doesn't join in and goes off on his own a bit. When I heard this I was quite upset but they reassured me that it is just what some kids do and it is perfectly normal. They are just taking everything in and will join in when they are ready to. Try not to worry about it. I was but DS is already joining in a lot more now.

Going back to the weeing accidents - well every time DS is not at pre-school (holidays etc) he is brilliant at using the toilet and being independant. As soon as he starts back at pre-school he starts having accidents. I am so sure that it is their way of getting our attention and maybe their way of punishing us a little for leaving them in the mornings. Saying that I am getting fed up with the wet pants and clothes again and feel like going back to nappies. I have been at this for 4 months now and feel that if he wants to be a baby in nappies for a while then he can. Whenever I mention nappy he quite strongly says ' no nappy mummy'. I have threatened going back to a nappy. Maybe I need to follow it through?! I just don't know.

btw I sometimes leave Ds's teeth til long after lunch .

DS was pretty good today. A few times on the bold cushion over the weekend seem to have kicked him into touch. He did however do a wee all over his toy garage and never said a word until I said 'do you need a wee wee?' and he replied ' its already done on my garage mummy'! I ignored and cleaned up. Was this the right thing to do? God only knows!

He did another wee this evening on his chair and showed me this time. Accompanying the wee was a rather large poo !!!!

Yep FOTM IKWYM.
I have realised recently that I haven't really been giving DS1 enough 1 on 1 attention so I am making a concerted effort this more often.

I have started a new thread about potty regression and pre-school to see if anyone can help. I am going to ignore accidents for a few more days if I can stay patient and clam for that long .

I mean calm.

I am still laughing at the fact that I called this thread ....'feel like calling in Supper nanny'. Typo of course. The things that happen when we are tired!

Blimey FOTM it's not that often that we are online at the same time!

I only just started that other thread so no responses yet.

Here's a new question, I can't get my DS in the bath, he even makes himself sick when I attempt to towel wash him, the bath is a definite hellish moment, who wants a bath in sick!

DD fine she has no problems, even tried defusing any worries, he gets up there then won't go in, and with the recent sickness bug he really could do with an extra good bath.

I am so cross today cause I can't get him near the bath, and don't want to make him sick, as he is just getting well, but it doesn't stop him being sick when he is well GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I am completely ignoring him now, or I will just go on and on and on! AAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM, SHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT

Thank you I feel better now, no he doesn't see me get cross and he doesn't get any more attention for all the fuss!

Sleepy guess you'v tried bubbles, loads of toys, what worked for me was floating little plastic dishes with chocky buttons in!!!??? (sure that'll upset someone) anyway it got ds in the bath and by the time he'd eaten them he'd had a good soak also bathing kids togeather worked for me bit messy but at least they were clean

FHOM that was my next suggestion get bath ready strip child downstairs grab run hurl into water before sickness arrives lol

Thanks for all your suggestions, might try the chocolate buttons in a boat.

Twins have always enjoyed baths, this has gradually been getting worse over the summer to the stage now where we avoid it, (well its not life threatening) but it obviously hasn't helped him! (only DS has the problem)

Yes we do bubbles, and toys, floating and sinking, water pistols at the tiled walls etc!

He loves to play brum (cbeebies) on the computer, so thats another avenue I am going to go down, 'if you have a bath you can do brum on the computer'

I will have to take him to a quiet swimming session by himself aswell! yet he loved the seaside in the summer, he wouldn't get out, and again september, the first in the sea, loved it!

Can Suppernanny tell me how to make omelettes that don't go all runny in the middle?

fotm - sorry you feel grumpy, must be the weather, 'miserable' I havent made much effort today, at least the twins have recovered from their sickness and runny tummy bug!

I feel guilty for not making an effort, serves themselves right for getting up at 6am rrrroooooaaarrr!

I had all intentions of going on a autumm walk, ya know like bill oddie, and collecting leaves conkers and cones and looking for squirrels, but by the time I had got organised it started to rain, and with the twins in recovery I didn't want them to slip back going out in the rain.

They love going out in the rain, and I do usually let them, perhaps if they have a lie in tomorrow till 7am I might be in a more accommodating mood!