Terrible Twos!!! Feel like calling in Supper Nanny????!!

[Reece]

Ds (2.8) has been difficult since DS2 came along 16 months ago but in the last month his tantrums,tears and stubborness have esculated big time.

Typical morning before 9am - Jumps out cot (refuses to sleep in bed)refuses to use potty, refuses to take off pull-up and PJ's. When downstairs asks for weetabix, serve him with warm milk as asked and then refuses to eat it saying that he wants Special K instead. I say no because he had asked for Weetabix. He then proceeds to throw entire bowl of Weetabix on the floor and rant about Special K. I don't give in and try hard to ignore his tantrum. Still won't use potty, demands TV, I refuse until he uses potty and helps to get dressed and washed etc. He continues to rant and rave for 20 + mins. At this stage we are running late for playschool and DS2 is not washed and dressed etc etc.

I expect there are many of you out there that think this is just intermediate stuff but I just need some guidance on how to deal with it.. I feel myself raging inside but know that will make things worse. He is pushing and pushing me and I know I will burst at some stage.

Last night he refused to stay in his room, kept jumping out of the cot for about 2 hours screaming. He was running all over the house upstairs going through my room etc. I tried the quietly placing him back in bed again and again method (don't know what it's called) but he kept waking DS2. DH and I ended up giving up and going downstairs to leave him to it. i feel like locking him in his room.

How long does the terrible 2's last for? Do they have terrible 3's as well??? Parenting is extremely tiring and frustrating at the moment. I am not enjoying him and can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Help!!

Hi,

The tantrums are brought on by anything and everything. Not wanting to clean teeth, get dressed, have a bath, go to bed, eat at table, use the loo, put a coat and shoes on.. basically if it isn't her idea, she's not having it!! She is a bright and feisty girl - talks better than most three year olds - and extremely independent. She has a mild cerebal palsy and so struggles to do some of things she'd like to do (like pull her pants down to use the loo), but her frustration with these things is only part of it.

Yesterday we had tantrums because I was making lunch rather than giving her attention, which I put down to tiredness. A tantrum because she was a big girl who did not need an afternoon nap (but fell asleep when I put her in the buggy and took her out). A tantrum when she woke up - which was one of those - I don't want juice, I don't want to go in the garden, i don't want to do a wee, I don't want to take my coat off, I don't want to watch telly, I don't want choccy buttons, I don't want you mummy - and in response to Well what do you want - I don't want want!! This one went on for an hour...
Then there was a tantrum because she didn't want to sit at table and eat her supper, histrionics about going in the bath - and again about not want to get out of the bath, or clean teeth or put pjs on. More shouting because she wanted to lie where her brother was for stories (rather than being on the other side of mummy) and then more shouting and crying when we left her to go to sleep. She then slept until 3am when the whole thing started again.... and I am in pieces...

Ok are you ready for a long one????!!!! Well ladies after catching up on your posts I am already feeling a little bit better.

Welcome AQ. Your DD sounds exactly like my DS. Everything has been going ok here for a couple of months but we recently went on holiday and DS was a nightmare doing all the things that your DD does. Since we have returned the bad behaviour continues.

I have been at the end of my tether the last few days. He won't do ANYTHING I ask him to do and its exhausting.

When I started this thread I was at the end of my tether with his behaviour but as time went on I thought he was growing out of it. Now here we all are on the same thread and DS is back to his old ways

NOt only is he objecting to doing anything (getting dressed, going to the toilet, putting shoes on, putting coat on, brushing teeth, eating dinner etc) he is also taking every opportunity to wee all over my house!!!!

His potty training days were about over and he was brilliant in this regard on holiday. Accidents became a rare event. Then yesterday he refused to come to the table for his tea. I made him sit at the table and he still continued to eat. I ignored him. The next thing I heard was the most almighty waterfall of wee going all over the seat, the floor and his nearby ride-on car! He was sooooo proud of himself and laughed at what he had done. I made him clean it up so he could learn that there were consequences to weeing on the floor but he enjoyed this task

I picked him up from Montessori today and the teacher said she has never come across a more stubborn child than my DS!!! She told me he refused to take his coat off when I dropped him off this morning and it took her 25 mins to crack him. She told me a story about him sitting on someone elses chair last week. The other boy wanted his chair and got very upset. The teacher stood back to let them sort it out themselves. The other boy pushed etc to get his chair. My DS didn't budge or say a single word and he NEVER moved off from the seat.

I am so ashamed to say this but my DS is playing a great game of getting the upper hand and I am doing my damndest to not let him. I am on the edge of tears a lot lately and am praying he gets through it soon.

FOTM - Sorry to hear your DD has had a few accidents. I do beleive they can sometimes suffer little setbacks when they are at playschool and their routine has changed. I hope things get better for you.

Forgot to mention that when we got home from Montessori I asked DS if he needed the toilet. He said No and that he would like to play in the drivers seat of the car. I let him do this and about 1 minute later he said he had done a wee wee with a grin on his face. He had wee'd all over my seat in the car

Why is he doing this to me?????????????????

Thanks FOTM. I took a look at your thread. It does help to see it from a different angle but I am also so confused as well. I suppose I just have to follow my maternal instincts.

I do however feel that Pre-school have encouraged DS to do a lot of things for himself which he is very proud of. The coat saga may have been a bit over the top but the teachers do rule quite firmly and work hard to encourage independence. This can be a good thing, however I now feel under pressure to follow suit or DS will be confused.

I think we will just continue as we are, trying our best to be firm and not give in and follow instinct.

As someone on your thread said, they are not young for long and soon won't let us do anything for them!

btw - DS was great this evening. Did his teeth, got ready for bed after his bath etc. No problem at all {grin}. Must be his moods.

Reece my sweet child! only read your origiinal post. Take control dear! who is the parent here? what do you mean he wont? he wont?? he wont? he has no choice! you are his mother! make him! what are you going to do when he's 14 5'9'' and saying no! Did you disrespect your mother so? I doubt it... or you would'nt be on here worried about your boy my advice is behave like a mother and he will respond to you .

Wow Nanabean, that was a bit harsh, you obviously have a naturally well behaved child!

I thought this was a support network! or am I on the wrong one!

Harsh? why? that was the truth in my opinion my chiildren and granchildren are credit to their family when they're with me. They behave as they're expected to because thats all they know. I dont negotiate or discuss untill they understand that this is a right they have to earn by years on their back if nothing else.

I actually do agree in theory, but it isn't always that easy, I am an older mummy of 45 and have the same values as my mum has, but I don't always get the results that I want out of my kiddies, its the hardest job on earth and I know consistency, compromise and patience is the key, but like I say it doesn't always happen how you want it! you have to have a certain type of child to adhere to everything you ask of them. I have an explosive child and thats that! we work round it with different strategies but you are still lucky if you have kids that do as they are told!

I also have twins nearly 3, you have to have eyes out of the back of your head, goodness knows how my mum managed with 5 of us! cause they do get away with things that you don't see.

So your're telling me, you have never had a 2 yo tell you that they don't want to eat that, or don't want that to wear, or don't want to get dressed, over and over again!

Yes I have learned to ignore, requests if I have given a reasonable answer, but I still think you are lucky if you havent been driven nuts by constant demands and screams of not wanting to do something, you must be very patient to ignore.

I think what reece and other people on this thread including myself were asking for, was support and hints of wisdom and tips on how to manage these 2 yo tantrums, not 'your the adult they are the child my dear' comments, that sounded a bit condescending!

I think you should give children a choice, teaches them how to make decisions and organisation skills! even from an early age!

My twins decide what they want to eat, what they want to wear, etc, it doesn't mean they rule the roost!

Reece, sorry your're having a rough time!

I seem to have just had a moment on my pedastal aswell. Was that just a record for talking to yourself or what!

I have been keeping up with thread and you have my full sympathy, chocolate and a bath with a glass of wine, another day another dollar! chin up.

Good Night!

Goodnight sleepysooz

Oh sleepysooz thank you for your support. You are the reason I come onto this web site. For true support from someone that knows where I am coming from, what I am going through and is experiencing the same things as I am.

Yes this is a supportive network for those that need it or can give it. Those that come on with their condescending remarks that have no idea what I am going through but like to preach how it should be done should use a different site.

Yes I'm referring to you nanabean. I am a grown up woman that is learning how best to raise my children. I don't need to be called 'my sweet child' thank you very much. I see from your post that you have your own children and also grandchildren that do exactly as they are told. Congratulations. Whatever you did, it worked for you.

However every circumstance is different and we all do the best we can in raising our children.

Oh and for the record, I am behaving like a mother. I know I have a lot to learn but would appreciate helpful comments only please.

Here, here reece!

I've been an awful mummy today, twins have a sickness bug, and I left them with DH all day, cause I have a sick phobia!

Have been to our church autumm fair, and works open day, so have been shooting from one event to the other, inbetween going home checking on everybody, and apparently every time I walked in they would be sick! so much for trying to keep out of the way!

This morning DD was ok so I took her with me, thinking she wouldn't catch it, we went to watch my DS1 do a karate display and my DD broke her beads and they went rolling all over the place, I was on my hands and knees inbetween karate peoples legs, I was so embarrassed, it looked like a right farce, then she said she had a tummy ache so I bought her home, and went back to work! (horrible mummy)

Has your day been any better reece, and of course anybody else out there!

Hi sleepysooz.
Yes my day has been better thanks.

DS had a couple of wet pant episodes but apart from that he hasn't really had any tantrums or done anything that needed the naughty cushion etc.

We went to get professional family photographs taken this morning and I was concerned that DS1 would be difficult. He really surprised me. He was brilliant. He loved the camera. It was DS2 that was a little more difficult this time but we got through it and I am really looking forward to seeing the photos during the week.

DS1 went to bed like an angel tonight. DS2 was a little upset for a while but that was all. I am obviously doing something right in the parenting department at the moment.

Good Morning fotm. Thanks for your post.

Great to have a night out isn't it! DH and I were out last night as well. We went to the cinema to see THE DEPARTED. Wow what a great film. Best one Iv'e seen this year. Not I go to the cinema that often.

Anyway, getting out together is so important to a relationship. I feel we have to try to get out at least every couple of weeks. I suppose thats another thread entirely eh. Hope you enjoyed your night anyway.

I had a lie in this morning and breakfast was brought to me! DH has been playing with the boys all morning. They have been great. Lots of attention you see. Anyway will se how the day goes.

After reading your post I am going to try your technique regarding the whingeing for something and getting down to their level and saying ' going to say this once more' etc. Sounds like it could be effective. I have been ignoring a lot of it but they can whinge forever if they want to and it grinds you down after a while.

FOTM - DS has been having accidents again sonce starting pre-school so there must be a connection. I think insecurity and attention seeking is the answer here.

Enjoy your day everyone. Will keep you posted on how we are doing here.