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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

8 month old not shy at all, no tears when mummy leaves the room.

29 replies

froken · 26/08/2013 14:40

My ds is 8 months old, He is a sociable little chap, he likes "chatting" to people on the bus and he enjoys spending time with other babies.

He understands object permanance, he will look to the floor to find and object that he has dropped from his highchair.

Comapared to the other babies we know he has to fear of strangers and he doesn't seem to react to other babies emotions. The other babies cry when each other cry and my ds just sits in the middke of them all looking baffled. He doesn't cry when I leave the room and he seems to have nearly no stranger anxiety. He doesn't like it if people get right in his face as soon as they meet him but once he has been in the same room as someone for a few mins he is happy to go to them for a cuddle.

I have hardly ever been away from him, dp has taken ds to the park alone maybe 3 times otherwise I have constantly been with ds, we co-sleep and I ebf for the 1st 6 months and now breastfeed and we give real food.

The only time ds really wants mummy is when he wakes in the evening, if dp goes into him to try and settle him ds screams and screams.

I love my ds's confidence and friendly personality but I wonder if such a lack of stranger anxiety could be a sign that he isn't very attached to me his mummy?

OP posts:

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AnythingNotEverything · 26/08/2013 14:47

I have no qualified advice to give you, but my first thought was "what a secure little boy".

I'm sure he's fine. They are all different. I'm sure he loves you too.

Jaffakake · 26/08/2013 18:26

It just sounds like he's very secure to me. His separation anxiety may surface later. My ds showed non & even when he first went to nursery at 10 months he wasn't that fussed when I left. However we've had the odd phase of him being upset when I left first at about 12 months and again recently at 2 years.

NothingsLeft · 26/08/2013 18:39

DS was the same at that age. People would comment on how he didnt have any separation anxiety, which made me feel a bit bit shit. The only separation anxiety he's overtly had is at night.

He's 17 months now and a little bit shy at times but is naturally outgoing. He will still go to anyone, waves to everyone we pass, if we go to the park he walks around hugging people having a picnics! Everyone loves him because he's so sunny and sociable.

Honestly, don't worry

PoppyWearer · 26/08/2013 18:42

It sounds fine to me. Most of the time my DCs have barely given me a backward glance. Then they go through a phase and cry their eyes out for a week or two.

NothingsLeft · 26/08/2013 18:42

Oh and he's very much a mummies boy. I work shifts so I'm around odd hour but I'm still no. 1.

CakesAreNotTheAnswer · 26/08/2013 18:46

I find babies who have parents who follow AP tend to be more socially confident and have less separation anxiety. It's a good thing! You're doing a great job. My 19mo is only just getting mummy mummy mummy now and it's really weird for us

MoominsYonisAreScary · 26/08/2013 18:57

ds3 is 2.4 andits only been the last 5-6 months that he's become shy, ds4 sounds very much like your ds. He's 7 months and will happily chat or cuddle with anyone, he's the only one still bf after the first few months and I can count on one hand the number of times I've left him.

I think maybe he's just very secure or he's just so used to me being only a couple of seconds away that it doesnt cross his mind that there might come a time when im not there iyswim

BotBotticelli · 26/08/2013 19:09

My 9mo DS is exactly the same op. such an adventurous little monkey, crawls off all over the place no matter where we are with nary a backward glance at boring old mummy!

Incidentally, when I was pregnant I was really keen on following an attachment parenting style, but things haven't really worked out that way for us: breastfeeding fail after 12 days, couldn't abide co sleeping, sold my Moby wrap on eBay as I just couldn't get on with it...etc etc. Ds has been bottle fed, and in his own bedroom since 6 weeks old, and pushed around in his buggy since birth. But despite things nt turning out at all how I planned, parenting style wise, I love DS with all my heart, cuddle him loads very day, sing to him constantly and kiss his little milky mouth after his feeds..am hoping he also is securely attached and knows e is very loved :-)

exoticfruits · 26/08/2013 19:15

I don't think it is anything to do with parenting method- it is personality and there is also nothing to say he will stay that way- just enjoy while you have it.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 26/08/2013 19:24

My DS was the same - would sit on anyone's knee etc. Hv was worried as she said he should be 'checking with us' about New faces etc. Went through a brief period of being scared of New people at about 12 months - lasted a few weeks. He's 19 months now - we were in a cafe last week and was toddling about (big cafe, was safe to do so - v quiet and nobody carrying hot drinks in our area before i get shouted at) he toddled straight over to an old lady who was alone, sat on her knee and gave her a big kiss. She was over the moon. He's just sociable - nothing wrong and not our parenting style as we're both fairly quiet. Your DS sounds lovely :-)

hettienne · 26/08/2013 19:27

9-12 months is the typical separation anxiety period. My DS didn't really suffer with it at all during that period, but was hut by it quite hard at about 18 months.

Viviennemary · 26/08/2013 19:30

He sounds perfectly fine to me. I would be worried if my DC's had screamed if I went out of sight.

ConflictDodger · 26/08/2013 19:35

OP please don't worry about this. All the bollocks about separation anxiety - I was the same, DD super friendly and no obvious clinginess. I ended up googling 'is my child not attached to me' She is just a happy, friendly, sociable baby who loves being around other people. So relax and enjoy her :)

ConflictDodger · 26/08/2013 19:35

Sorry, enjoy him in your case! :o

alto1 · 26/08/2013 19:45

He sounds fine. He is a bit selective - in the early evening and for the first few minutes with new people. So he is able to discriminate between people he's attached to and new people.

The main reason he shows so little anxiety is probably that he's securely attached to you and has an even temperament. Dd was the same. Showed no more than a few days of mild stranger anxiety, always went happily to nursery and was everybody's friend.

People told me she'd be a nightmare later on to make up for it but so far, she's running true to form

Lifeisontheup · 26/08/2013 19:52

My DD was like this, would happily go off with anyone, we didn't co-sleep and left her with babysitters etc so totally different to you. 21 years later she is affectionate with a very close relationship with both me and DH.
She never showed separation anxiety.
Just enjoy your confident, happy little boy.

gotadifferentnamenow · 26/08/2013 19:55

I would be worried if my DC's had screamed if I went out of sight.

Erm, no, that would completely developmentally appropriate at this age.
(Sorry OP, I don't think your child's behaviour is not also developmentally appropriate and I'm sure it's fine - but wanted to pick up this comment as I think it's unhelpful to all 'sides'.)

If you really wanted 'proof', you could probably fairly easily set up a "strange situation" test in a few months time and see what happens. My bet is that all is totally fine and your DS is just - for the time being - very friendly and secure.

I agree with the pp who said it's nothing to do with parenting style, and also with those who said it can change. My (AP'd, hardly ever apart from me) DS was textbook separation anxiety and social referencing at that age, but at 17mo he's really really outgoing and confident.

Smartiepants79 · 26/08/2013 20:01

My 9 month old is just like this. She is happy and content, rarely cries and enjoys the company of anyone who will smile at her! I just consider her to be a very secure baby. It's great.
She is EBF and she has not spent very long periods away from me because of this but I wouldn't say i was an AP parent! Don't 'get' co-sleeping, slings hurt my back.
I am still best tho. I don't question our bond. I think the fact that she is so content to be left shows how much she trusts me.

Original poster

froken · 26/08/2013 20:17

It's great to hear there are lots of other unshy babies! We didn't really aim to be attachment parents it just sort of happened.

I do hope it's just that he feels secure with me and not that he doesn't care if I'm there or not.

OP posts:

Callistone · 26/08/2013 20:19

DD was always very confident, just like you describe your little boy. Generally she's carried on like this, but we did get a joyous week at about 14m where she screamed herself into hysterics if I dared to leave her with DH even to pee

It might hit at a later point, it might not. All kids are different - just enjoy his confidence!

No1MummytoOtto · 27/08/2013 01:26

My now 11 month old DS was exactly the same at around 8 months and I had exactly the same thoughts as you; he was, and is, very sociable and smiley with absolutely anyone and everyone and I wondered whether he realised I was his Mummy or whether he didn't differentiate in his mind between me or anyone else. Since the last couple of weeks - he is still a very smiley, happy little chap - but he has become noticeably more clingy; always wanting me, wanting me to hold him, being bashful and shy around other people. So in short, I'm one hundred per cent sure your little one loves you to bits and knows you're Mummy, he just seems happy and very secure in himself. The clinginess, cuddles and 'only Mummy will do' phase will come, wait and see :)

GTbaby · 27/08/2013 01:38

My lil boy was same at 8months. No tears. And one time I walked into the room after being out a few hours and he didn't even seem pleased to see me.
He is currently going thro a clingy phase.
I think it is a personality thing.

NapaCab · 27/08/2013 01:50

He's just too young for separation anxiety to have kicked in yet by the sounds of it. Give him a couple of months and he'll be crying for you soon enough!

My DS was like that at 8 months, very happy to go to strangers, rarely anxious but then it all changed a couple of months later.

Smartiepants79 · 27/08/2013 09:42

My eldest has never suffered from separation anxiety. She is 3. Hopefully she never will!

DeWe · 27/08/2013 10:54

My dd1 didn't have separation anxiety. She happily went to anyone until she was about school age. She's now very shy (age 12yo) and would still choose for me to come with her when she's going somewhere new.
Dd2 didn't go to anyone until she was about 3yo (except dh) without a good deal of persuasion. By 5yo she would happily go with anyone and still will.

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