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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I think I may have an apoplectic fit dealing with DS(2) and his tantrums

18 replies

NorkilyChallenged · 15/06/2013 08:36

help me keep calm!

this is not entirely serious (I have no idea what an apoplectic fit is but just like the word) but he is giving me mad. DP hasbeen away for 2 weeks with work and DS is rage-filled, tantrums over nothing (this morning it was a dance of "I want porridge, NO PORRIDGE, I want porridge, etc"

I try to be patient, ignore, but it is every day. he's also resisting sleep so am knackered (and probably so is he). my older two are missing out as I just don't have the mental energy to do stuffs and am so stressed.

Every day he has a tantrum because he's not allowed to drive the car not sit in driving seat to play, actually drive and also as soon as he sees a bus because he wants to go on a bus, but we are in the car.... you get the idea.

Think I just need to vent to grown ups Thank goodness DP gets home today!

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PacificDogwood · 15/06/2013 08:41

I didn't want to read and run: massive symathies, really.
'Tis so wearing.

My DS4 is now 3 and finally a bit more verbal which has helped...

I am sure your DP will have missed his darling offspring and will want to spend a weekend of man-to-man bonding, allowing you some time to yourself

Original poster

NorkilyChallenged · 15/06/2013 08:46

thank you, sympathy much appreciated!

DS is very verbal indeed, can express himself well but still... I don't remember my older two being this bad but maybe I blotted it out!

in the interests of balance, he is also funny, cute, affectionate but GAH!

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PacificDogwood · 15/06/2013 09:07

Yes, it is just as well that they have their redeeming features as well !

It's the 'want porridge, want it NOW, no, not that porridge, where is my porridge, why is it taking so long, no not that bowel, I don't want that horrible porridge, give me it NOW, you put the bowel on the wrong spot on the table, the spoon is all WRONG, it's too hot, blow on it, no don't blow on it, feed me, give me the spoon, no I need feeding, now it's too cold. I don't want it' that gets to me.
The unnecessary energy expended on just Getting His Way.

I am exhausted just thinking about it.

DS1(10) is quite sensible now... DS2(9) can still have tantrums

Original poster

NorkilyChallenged · 15/06/2013 09:11

Exactly So nice someone understands.

apparently he was an angel at nursery so he's saving this for me

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Original poster

NorkilyChallenged · 15/06/2013 09:48

had to go into another room to scream

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mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/06/2013 09:56

I posted the other day with similar issues. You are not alone, we seem to be coming out the other side, well a little better at least.

Original poster

NorkilyChallenged · 15/06/2013 10:10

ooh, I will go and read your thread for moral support! Glad things improving for you

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mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/06/2013 10:28

Also if you look in this section so much of the behaviour refers to 2 year olds which I think is rather comforting.

It's that age old parenting mantra isn't it "this too shall pass"! Likely to be replaced with a next stage of sonething that will either stress, worry on some level.

Original poster

NorkilyChallenged · 15/06/2013 10:34

Yes, that's what I'm finding. weird that I don't remember it being this bad with either of my older DC. Maybe you forget - am hopeful it is a short-lived phase but I can feel the tension on my chest when he starts

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mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/06/2013 10:38

Yes I also have two older ones, DS2 often had tantrums but he is incredibly stubborn so although few and far in between and better controlled at 5 it still happens.

I can see it isn't a personality trait with DS3 though so feel sure we are going to come out the other side.

I think there is an element of not remembering it all quite how it happened otherwise I probably wouldn't have had Da3 I clearly just forgot.

Original poster

NorkilyChallenged · 15/06/2013 10:45

Thank you so much for pointing out your thread! it sounds exactly the same, down to the tutting from other mums at school. I've had to physically force him into buggy and car seat this week which actually quite hard to do. I shout back when I can't stand it, which is awful

It is worse just now as I'm by myself so hoping things improve soon.

I find my fear of his behaviour means I don't do things - my other DC didn't go to their class this morning as I couldn't face taking him

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SauceForTheGander · 15/06/2013 10:59

I'm hiding from my toddler after a horrible hour of screams, anger, demands for crap food.

She's now eating tomato soup which is all wrong apparently but was the thing she said she wanted after I said no to ice cream. Tomato soup is too HOT , she wants cold ice cream. Arghhhh.

mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/06/2013 11:02

I plan the others activities around when DH is around, or my mum is around. It must be difficult when OH is away as it is all in you. Bizarrely though DH doesn't seem to have my issues.

PacificDogwood · 15/06/2013 11:34

A very wise woman (who had adult children by the time she told me this) said to me when I was on my knees 'You as their mother will get to see their Best and their Worst'.
I think this is true.
None of them kick off as they do with me when they are with DH, but I do have a much closer connection to them emotionally. I sometimes think it is unfair as DH misses out at times. And he is a very hands-on, involved father, but work long and antisocial hours and is crap at listening.

I think going in to another room to scream is a very good strategy. I used to have chocolate hidden in places I could go to when whichever child had a meltdown over me having suggested the wrong sock, then given a choice of socks, then said 'ok, no socks' - none of which was the right thing. Apparently.

Gawd, just thinking about it makes me want to have a lie-down in a darkened room!

Sunshine200 · 15/06/2013 21:35

I nearly wrote your thread yesterday! My DH is also away and yesterday I had the same 'wanting to sit in the driver seat of the car' tantrum. Then I had her jump out of the bath with shampoo all over her head and refuse to get back in. I ended up soaked and shouting, she was crying and the shampoo still isn't out!
Sorry to post without any advice - I have been googling but am yet to find any gems of wisdom to pass
on!

fishoutofchlorinatedwater · 16/06/2013 08:33

Oh, I have one of these too. We have the "drive the car" tantrum numerous times a day. Yesterday we also had a tantrum in Tesco because he couldn't see his own nose (I kid you not; it deteriorated into full on screaming and flailing to the extent that he split his lip on the trolley handle), and then one later on when, to my complete horror (because I have tried so hard not to encourage materialism) he decided that he wanted "mine own pie-pad" - a shot on my iPad was not good enough - then proceeded to yell, interspersed with sobbing, about "mine pie pad" for about an hour.

What to do? My older DS never tantrumed on this scale, so I've no real advice. It helps me to keep calm and ignore when DS1 (4) is around as he is so completely confused by it all - "but what is he doing Mummy?" usually helps me to see the ridiculous side of it.

SauceForTheGander · 16/06/2013 09:23

fish can't see nose tantrum? Brilliant.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 16/06/2013 09:40

I've got one like this too

and she came as quite a shock after a relatively biddable dd1

this morning we started the day good 20 minutes kicking and screaming because I gave her a cup of milk. which she's asked for. it was even in the right colour cup . i do have to walk away sometimes, to save my sanity

and (this might sound a bit Pollyannaish) I really do try to relish the brief moments when she's not being utterly oppositional, and remember that she's lovely. shouty, but lovely.

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