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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Why does my daughter keep saying no to my mum & tell her not to touch her

12 replies

HollyAlice · 07/04/2013 22:27

My mum stays in another country so she tries to come home about 4 times a year from between 2-4 weeks at a time. On this visit my daughter who is 27 months has taken to just saying no to her. When we are in the car and I park it she shouts 'no gran, mummy get me' before my mum has even stepped out the car. She also won't let my mum help her with anything, it's always mummy do it. I love the fact that she wants me to do everything as when she is with my mother-in-law, who watches her 1 day a week, she just ignores me. My mum has said that when I am not there that my daughter is fine with her. Has anyone else experienced this?

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NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/04/2013 22:40

Yes...my MIL loves abroad and my DDs both rejected her. They stopped the rejecting when they got to 4 years plus.

Skype helps...we skype once a week and she sits and chats...they've got used to her now!

It is very normal. To the child, the Gran who is not familiar is another Mother figure who they don't trust yet...that's kind of weird for them.

Original poster

HollyAlice · 08/04/2013 08:38

Thanks for your comment. I do try and Skype but my LO has no interest in it so usually my mum just watches her play. I'll try and get her to sit even for 5 mins and chat to her x

OP posts:

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/04/2013 09:07

Yes...it's hard when they are too small to really converse...you're doing the right thing though. We leave MIL in the corner of the room for ages! She just sits on the shelf looking at the DDs....they run up and show her the odd thing but we don't pressure them to talk to her...we figure that will come. DD who is 8 has a conversation with her but our 5 year old is a bit hit and miss.

It will wear off I promise.....if you could get your Mum to send the odd postcard or little parcel that helps too build up some excitement around Granny as it were "Ooh look! The postman has brought a present from Granny all the way from X!" and then help the dd draw a picture to post in return.

My MIL loves postcards from my DDs too....

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/04/2013 09:08

Oh and once, we popped MIL on the dining room table whilst we had Easter lunch. She was right by the trifle and DDs thought it hillarious that she kept trying to eat it...through the screen!

Moominsarehippos · 08/04/2013 09:14

Poor grandma! I suppose your little one doesn't really know who she is and grandmas, being grandmas, probably just wants to cuddle and kiss her lots when she does see her!

Skype is your friend! I'd ask grandma to send postcards and letters to keep up the communication in between visits.

rrreow · 08/04/2013 14:45

With regards to building a bond through Skyping. Is it possible for your mum to do stuff on Skype that your DC would be interested in? Like singing songs or pulling faces?

My DS is 23mo and I Skype my aunt once a week. We have done this pretty much since DS was born. Basically we just chat while DS plays and I show it to her on the webcam. Once he became mobile he wouldn't just sit on my lap and the screen with just a talking head doesn't interest him. However my aunt will try to actively engage him and sing songs to him. He responds really well to this. Still I think it's normal at this age for a 30 min Skype conversation to only have about 5 minutes in total of actual interaction between the child and Skypee.

He now really enjoys it and gets really excited when he sees me get the computer out or when I tell him we're going to Skype. It also helps that he can see himself on the screen in the little preview of what your own webcam looks like. I think just keep at it so that your mum becomes a real person to your DD, rather than just a stranger who visits sometimes.

BettyandDon · 08/04/2013 14:49

Well my DD isn't that find of my mum as she tells her off!

neolara · 08/04/2013 14:52

Yes. Completely normal. My 3 1/2 year old only wants me to do everything for her. Her dad, grannies, grandads, sister and brother don't get a look in. I think it's mainly about exerting control and frankly, I'm looking forward to this stage being over.

defineme · 08/04/2013 14:58

My Mum lives round the corner so no familiarity issues here, but my dd is similar -doesn't want her when I'm there, fine when I'm not. My dd is far more a mummy's girl/attached to me than my ds. I think she feels divided loyalty when we're both there and doesn't know quite who to love the most!

pamelat · 08/04/2013 19:31

Very normal, my kids do this to my DH and shout about only wanting mummy! It's normal for them to want whoever they're more comfortable with in that moment, or be showing their control in dictating ;)

fififrog · 08/04/2013 20:31

My DD acts like this towards her dad - exactly the same she's fine when I'm not around also. He even looks after her one day a week, gives her breakfast every day and we take turns putting her to bed so it's not like he's an absent father. There is a pecking order in her head and poor daddy is at the bottom! Incidentally granny is at the top!

doradoo · 08/04/2013 20:51

My DD is the same - she has two big brothers and it's always DS1 who has to do stuff - and not me or DH or DS2 - just the way she is at the mo (she's 3.1) I'[m sure it'll pass!

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