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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

About to pull my hair out from lack of sleep HELP!!!

23 replies

jessebuni · 04/04/2013 20:44

So my daughter is 9 1/2 months old. She's my second baby, DS is 4. She is EBF and from about 2-3 weeks old she slept through the night. Until she reached about 6 months. Suddenly she started waking up about 4 times a night. I thought, maybe teething pains, growth spurt...etc. Well it's now been 3 1/2 months and she is still waking up every 2 hours at night! I have tried everything!!! calpol, feeding, walking, sharing my bed. Doesn't matter she still wakes up at least 3-4 times a night and with my husbands job he is gone from 6am-7pm sometimes more than that and operates heavy machinery so needs his sleep. She has three naps during the day at regular intervals and eats well but I can't nap during the day because I have my 4 year old at home who doesn't start school until September. How on earth can I get my daughter to sleep better? I don't mind her waking up at night but 4 times every night sometimes more is getting ridiculous!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

jessebuni · 04/04/2013 20:45

As an example she went to bed at 7pm and is already awake screaming!

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girliefriend · 04/04/2013 20:48

well I would cut down the naps in the day, at that age my dd had 2 naps in the day. Approx 45 mins in the morning and 2 hours at about 12-2pm.

What do you do when she wakes? If you are feeding, I would stop that, offer water and reassurence but not milk.

Is she in her own room?

KLou111 · 04/04/2013 20:50

Can you leave her to self settle for a few minutes?

Original poster

jessebuni · 04/04/2013 20:55

she has 3 short naps. mid morning for about 30mins, after lunch for about 45mins and about 3pm for about 30mins so it all adds up to less that 2 hours.

when she wakes if she isn't crying i leave her but once she starts crying it doesn't take her long to get into a state so i can't usually leave her to cry for bery long. I have tried just comforting her and trying to get her back to sleep but she is EBF and so won't take water from a bottle. She won't take anything from a bottle at all. She will use a sippy cup but that's a bit fast flowing for in bed.

She isn't in her own room as we only have two bedrooms. She will be sharing the big bedroom with our son and it is plenty big enough for them both but until we get her sleeping under control I don't want her to ruin his sleep by sharing his room.

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Original poster

jessebuni · 04/04/2013 20:56

KLou111 - tonight we left her crying for quite a while before going to her and she just cried worse and worse and eventually just stood up in her cot and screamed the house down!

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girliefriend · 04/04/2013 21:05

I think you will have to support her to fall back to sleep without being bf, have you seen any of the bedtime live programme?

I would also encourage a longer afternoon nap and not let her sleep at all past 3pm.

You will probably have a few nights of hell but once she learns how to sleep without being bf in theory she should sleep better!!

Original poster

jessebuni · 04/04/2013 21:09

nope never ever heard of it. I am currently BFing her now ready to put back down and then try not feeding her for the rest of the night. After all if she's full now she is hardly going to starve before 6am! shame i'm so knackered i don't know if i can physically stay awake now let alone when she wakes up in 2 hours!

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KLou111 · 04/04/2013 21:12

I would agree on dropping some of her day sleep. Can you shush her and not pick her up?

girliefriend · 04/04/2013 21:15

Bless you, she definately doesn't need feeding again before 6am so I think its just going to be a case of tough love. Think bedtime live was on ch 4 so can probably watch it on repeat.

Good luck tonight

Original poster

jessebuni · 04/04/2013 21:16

I have tried the calming her without picking her up but it tends to make her worse :/ she seems to go mad that i'm there but not comforting her. then my husband starts to get in a strop because she's woken him up and then eventually my son wakes up too. i'm really starting to feel like i'm useless and that there is no hope. she does seem to be able to self soothe sometimes because when i put her to bed at 7pm i put her to bed and leave her there and she usually cries for a bit before going to sleep, so why can't she do it at night?

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girliefriend · 04/04/2013 21:27

Babies are annoying like that!

My guess is that you would need to either just go in shush and reassure and leave to self soothe. Tell your dh and son that for the next few nights this is what is going to happen, it sort of has to get worse before it gets better iykwim.

Can your dh sleep downstairs or something for a couple of nights.

Also I think moving your dd into another room would probably help.... if she can smell you, know you're there it will just make her more frustrated.

girliefriend · 04/04/2013 21:27

By the way you are NOT useless!!!

Original poster

jessebuni · 04/04/2013 21:33

we have an apartment so all one floor unfortunately. and neighbours that like to complain about my son making too much noise jumping on the floor when he's excited. he's a complete moron! anyway we are planning to try having my husband and i sleep on an airbed in the front room over the weekend. since she can get herself to sleep when we aren't in the room we're going to test the theory overnight over the weekend and go from there. if she sleeps through or at least a lot better we're going to try putting her in the big room with my son and hope that she'll still sleep there too. all fingers crossed here!!! thanks ladies!

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KLou111 · 04/04/2013 21:39

Just another thought, is it completely dark? I remember my sons room was always pitch dark (we lived in the middle of nowhere, no street lights), and around that age i had to put a dim light on in his room as I think he got a bit scared of the dark.

fififrog · 04/04/2013 21:42

We found active calming methods only made things worse but she quickly (ie in about five days) got used to us coming in and sitting with her. Try to leave her 10mins before going in, feels like 10hours but I was astonished how many times DD would just shut straight up after 10mins of shouting. You might want to leave in one night feed for a bit - up to you. My DD was ebf too and I never even bothered with water. We went through this phase a little earlier - or I shoul say cracked a little earlier so we did the "training" at just under 6 months so my aim was that she should feed no more than twice in the night. Once she could self settle she dropped one feed herself quickly bit the other stayed until about 10 months though pushed later and later. I gave it up when she stopped goin straight back to sleep after a feed. Good luck!

woopsidaisy · 04/04/2013 21:44

jessebuni if it makes you feel any better my DS3 wakes every 45/90 mins, all night. He is 7.5 mo. And EBF.
I'm hoping he is going to grow out of it! He wont take a bottle, which my other DC did.He is the sweetest thing, I love him so much,I just cant deny the wee mite my boob. He is too small to realise what he is doing.
He is in his own room, but I usually pop him in with me from about 2 ish. He still feeds on and off all night!!
I know he isnt hungry, but I was told that bfing is more than just a food source. It is about security and comfort too. The way I look at it is he wont be 21 and still wanting bf!

cmt1375 · 04/04/2013 21:44

Just an odd thought.. is she cold? The timings would indicate it is the winter months she has been waking up in. Trying an extra blanket can't make it worse.

Original poster

jessebuni · 06/04/2013 04:23

Just to update, we slept on an air bed in the front room and she slept through until about 4am I prodded my husband after she had been crying for about 5 minutes and asked him to go check she wasn't stood up. I told him to lie her back down tuck her in and start her mobile music. He did and then came back into the front room. She cried some more and I thought alright I'll give it 10 mins and if she's still crying I'll feed her. She fell back asleep within 5 mins so obviously not starving. She obviously went through a growth spurt where she did need more feeds but then realised that we were there. So us being in the room meant she has been wanting my attention just because I'm there. So we will stay in the front room this weekend just to test the theory and then try shifting her into DS's room to see what happens!

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KLou111 · 06/04/2013 08:39

Yey!!! Hopefully the start of better nights for you :)

freetrait · 06/04/2013 23:00

Good luck! I did CC with my EBF daughter at 8 months and gradually reduced the night feeds. Kept one until about 15 months- it moved later and later and when it got to 5/6 am I ditched it, then gave up BF at 18 months (she never took a bottle). It was hard doing the CC but I had a 2 year old toddler and it preserved my sanity!

Original poster

jessebuni · 07/04/2013 06:52

Well just another update, slept in the front room again tonight and she slept through until half 6 this morning! So its definitely knowing we're in the room making her unable to settle herself at night. To be honest it could be my husbands horrific snoring... So we're going to try her in the big bedroom with my son tonight and if that doesn't work we'll move her cot into the hallway just outside his room for a bit to get them used to it :)

Back to her sleeping through! Yay! These last few months its obviously been us bothering her!

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KLou111 · 07/04/2013 07:45

That's great news!!

GoingToBedfordshire · 07/04/2013 07:56

Excellent.
My dd2 was similar and improved when we moved her in with DD1.
It's hard when you have issues like this with your second. I used to scream constantly in my head "DD1 never used to do this, what am I doing wrong??"
Hope the improved sleep continues.

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