Tell me your tactics for encouraging children to listen and respond first time.

[snowmummy]

Its half term and I'm being driven mad by two gorgeous kids who hear what they bloody well want to hear. I'm sick of repeating myself. For example, I've just told my DS to sit up at the table three times during lunch; I remind them almost everytime they use the loo to flush it. I'm sick of the sound of my voice. Am I expecting too much / being too lenient? I really don't know anymore!

Please help and tell me your tactics.

How old are they? Mine are 15 and 12 and yet to hear me first time every time....

I am constantly muttering about talking to myself, to myself, like a very odd grumpy woman

I thought it was normal behaviour from kids.... I will be watching for a magic solution.

As for the loo thing- if they are old enough, give them some flush able antibacterial wipes and make them clean it each time it's left. That worked for me.

2, 5 and 7. I can forgive the two year old! Please don't tell me you're still repeating yourself. If I'm staring down the barrel of another 10 years I'll go mad!

Will try the antibac wipe thing, thanks - can't hurt.

I think this comes under the 'Pick your battles' mantra.
Sit up at the table... not worth worrying about
Flush the toilet ... I like umpty's idea

It makes a difference if you tell us their ages, but, with mine, I think this is their holiday, and their chance to chill / relax / slob about / however you want to phrase it too, so I don't need to spend my life nagging them.

I also think it works better if you focus on praising the good, rather than nagging the bad.

For simple 'listening', a key point is to say their name first, then make sure they've stopped what they are doing, and are looking at you, when you give the instruction / ask the question / make the request.

x-posted!

Some years ago I did a course in NLP. One of the things that was discussed is that people have a different number of times that they need to be told things before it sinks in. The trainer said his then-4yo daughter was a 7-times repeater - i.e. she needed to be told 7 times before it made any impact on her.

I remembered this when it came to DS1 - he's a 3-4 times repeater. He NEVER hears the first time; second time only very rarely - but by the 4th time he's always heard. Because of this, I've got a lot less frustrated with him than I otherwise would have. Now if I need him to do something quickly I just say it 4 times without a break.

So maybe try it out on your children - individually of course! - see how many times you have to ask/tell them something before it sinks in and then you have their "repeater" number. :)

Positive reinforcement. Ignore, ignore, ignore the bad stuff. Look for every little thing that is part of the behavior you like and praise, praise, praise.

Shape in little ways... Eg. I really like it when we are all sitting nicely at the table together.

When they do remember to flush toilet, tell them thank you for remembering. Ignore the times they don't.

It feels clunky to start with, but truly is really does work!

Tell them once (make sure they have heard you) then make them do it. If they don't do it then time out (or whatever system you use). My DS1 has SN but it would go something like this: "DS1 look at me. You forgot to flush the toilet so go and flush it."

If he does it say "Thank you for flushing the toilet" in the hope he'll remember on his own eventually next time.

If he doesn't do it then say, "If you don't flush the toilet then you'll have a time out."

If he does it then thank him as above, if he doesn't then he has a time out.

This is just a suggestion based on works for my family, if you don't like it please ignore.

^^yes to all this. They are still young.
Just popped back on to reassure you mine have improved since they were this age!!

No magic solution I am afraid.
At least, there wasnt with mine.

I presume there is nothing wrong with their hearing?

Thanks for all the replies.

Definitely nothing wrong with hearing - I have tried whispering "anyone want chocolate" at 50 yards. They hear every time. Its a case of selective hearing/ignoring. I have had a chat with them this afternoon and told them I'll be telling them once and then there will be consequences. I do do the positive reinforcment thing so I'll carry on with that and hope for the best.

To be honest I was hoping for a magical answer!

Anymore suggestions, please keep them coming.