Bit of an odd one - toddler DS won't get OUT of bed...

[amyboo]

My DS1 (2 years 8 months) has been in a bed for nearly a year and he never gets out. Ever. In the mornings he'll shout for us till we go and tell him he can get up, at which point he'll climb out of bed. He won't get up to get his drink from the side, won't get up if he drops his dummy/toy, and just stays in bed till one of us goes to him.

This was/is mostly fine. However, he's been in maternelle (Belgian kindergarten) since September and has now basically dropped his lunchtime nap. He dropped it at home months ago so we pretty much stopped putting him to bed unless he asks to go. However, at maternelle they all go to bed even if they don't sleep. DS rarely naps there. If he does, he's dry. However, he's recently started doing a wee in his pants when he's in bed at maternelle and not sleeping. He knows he can take himself to the toilet or ask the teacher to take him, but he just won't get out of his bed and go. He just stays in bed and wets himself.

After a week of wet trousers every day, I'm getting a bit fed up. He knows better - he's been toiled trained for nearly 6 months. I've explained to him several times that he should get out of bed and go for a wee, and he says he understands, but then we get the same thing the next day. I'm not sure if it's relevant or not, but I'm 19 weeks pregnant and we explained it to DS after I had to stay in hospital for a week a the start of November. Could it be because of that? Any help/advice gratefully received!

Not sure what help I can be except to say that DS1 (now 5) has always been the same - always yelled if he wanted us (eg when he woke up in the mornings) but would never, ever get out of bed. It's only in the last six months that he's started coming up to our room in the morning, but it's only after he's yelled to us that he's awake, and we've yelled back that he can come and see us - and most days he'll still wait for us to come to him. He's never got out of bed to have a wee, but luckily he's got an iron bladder so he never needs a wee in the night. I don't really know why he's like this; two things spring to mind. First, he's quite a dependent boy, especially at home - he always wants me to get him dressed etc, even though he can do it himself. Secondly, he's quite a stickler for rules and authority - although he can (of course!) be naughty in his own way, he does quite like a sense of order and people doing what they're supposed to do. He's also reasonably anxious, and I suspect he may be a bit scared of getting up on his own.

If I had my time again, I'd be a bit more relaxed about 'rules' - I suspect that when he first went into a bed we told him he wasn't allowed to get out (to try to stop him getting up and down constantly), and it just stuck.

With your particular issue, could you ask the Maternelle to bend the rules, even if only slightly? Could they put him for quiet time without him actually having to get into the bed? Presumably they're quite keen for him not to wet himself too!

Could you ask the Maternelle teacher to make a point of taking your son to the toilet before he goes down for a nap (that's good practice anyway, I would have thought?).

Thanks for the comments. He goes for a wee with the other kids before naptime, but for the last week has still managed to wee in his trousers (although not a massive one as they don't seem really really wet). I wonder if he's doing it as a way to get out of naptime?

Lapin your DS1 sounds just like mine! He really likes a sense of order - things to be in their right place, etc. he's quite independent though, but does like order in his life... Maybe it's my fault laying down too many rules. We did have yrouble ith him waking early when he was about 18 months and told him he had to stay in bed till xx time.

I thnk I might see if his maternelle teacher can put him downstairs with her to sleep (the kids sleep on a mezzanine above the lassroom). Maybe that way he'd feel he could get up to wee...

Just on a practical side what about 'pull ups' for nursery?

I know several children who did this, they really think they can't get out of bed til mum/dad comes.

Sorry, no advice on how to break it, but it is quite normal!!

They don't really tolerate nappies in Belgian maternelles, and in any case he's perfectly dry the rest of the time. He was potty trained at 2 and has been completely dry for at least 4 months!

Success today at any rate. He stayed downstairs and went for a wee part way through nap time, and even managed a short sleep! Glad to know we're not the only ones going through this.