15 week old baby very clingy - won't look at dad!

[belfast80]

Hi there,
Just wondering if anyone has any advice or experience of the following problem.

My lovely little boy is 15 weeks old and for the last 2 or 3 weeks has started being very strange with his father and both sets of grandparents - people he sees very regularly. He is usually the most content wee fellow but in the past few weeks he screams and cries hysterically if I give him to anyone else or sometimes even just leave the room if there is someone else in it. Weirdly, he still smiles at strangers - it's just people he knows who upset him.

He did have 2 small operations (routine hernia op and then emergency surgery 2 weeks later because of complications) in August and I am wondering if he could be traumatised by this or is it simply a case of something he will grow out of?

We have tried letting him cry with his dad but he gets so distressed I just take him back, and we are trying his dad leaving him to bed each night but this takes about an hour and he gets upset so I end up getting him to bed.

The problem seems to be worse at night - could it be a mixture of tiredness, early teething and just wanting to be with his mum when he feels like this? I'm due to go out for my first night out with my friends in a few weeks and am thinking of cancellling if he is going to be too upset without me. His dad is getting quite upset too -they had bonded brilliantly and now this is a massive setback.

TIA

I think it will just be tiredness and unfamiliarity (assuming you are the primary carer).

Perhaps try:

• short 10-15 minute cuddles with daddy
• daddy just carrying him around getting on with other stuff, so he has plenty to look at and entertain him while at the same time getting familiar with your DH
• your DH playing with your DS while he sits in a bouncer / on play mat
• lots of talking between you and DH so DS hears his voice a lot.

EVERYTHING seems to make by DD (also 15 weeks) cry in the evenings before bed, and we are really careful to "treat her with kid gloves", ie soft voices, low lights, gentle changes.

I don't think the ops will have had any affect on your DS to be honest.

Thanks for the replies. HandMini We've been trying those things but he still roars. Good to hear you don't think it is anything to do with the ops. Am totally exasperated! Loopymumsy That's a good idea about the night out. I can meet my friends after his bedtime. I have a uni tutorial on Sat morning so he will be with DP then and he is usually in good form in the mornings. Hopefully it will go OK for them.

Dd was a lot like that even with DH but eventually, she loosened up with DH and in her own time warmed up to others.

Strangely enough if she woke up and I wasn't there, she'll be completely fine with who picked her up from bed! What I used to do then was give her a bath and feed her and let her go back to sleep then make a run for it! That way when she woke up, DH would be there and they could have a cuddle and bond. After a few weeks, she was fine with DH.

I know it must be quite stressful for you now, I felt really stressed then but it doesn't last long trust me.

I had this with my ds when he hit 15 weeks too, also turning away from his previously beloved daddy. At about 16-17 weeks he went through a lot of developmental leaps, and I realised the increased clinginess had been linked to this. My ds is a high needs baby. But IMO it is important to make him realise you're always there for him, so don't leave him with someone else for more than a few minutes while he's actually screaming for you. It'll only make him insecure, as each time he has no idea that you'll ever come back.

At nearly 7 ms, my ds still goes through it to an extent when some big change is coming - e.g. over the past few days he became very clingy, cried a lot whenever I put him down even if I was still in the room doing things, and no longer warmed immediately to his grandparents - and hey presto! his first tooth appeared yesterday!

(There's a book called The Wonder Weeks which tells you when these phases are likely to happen).

Thanks for your replies. I have been getting very, very stressed about it but things were better yesterday morning while I was at uni and today DS was all smiles with my mum (Thankfully, as it is her birthday!) so he might be coming round a bit. I'll check out that book - sounds interesting.

DC3 was like this - if he couldn't see me or someone else was touching him, he'd get upset. For 14 months. Not an issue with DC1 or 2 as I'd gone back to work and didn't have the same bond (in their eyes ) And then he formed a similar attachment to DH and I became the devil sent to get in the way of their eternal love

we had similar issues with my dd who was born 10 weeks early. she refused anyone but me. We fixed it. DH would come home from work and after his wsh, put a clean teashirt on and wear it till bedtime. we would then use this t shirt as a sheet for her when she went to sleep. we did this for MONTHS. but it did seem to work.

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