"That's just what boys/girls/brothers/sisters do"

[PureBloodMuggle]

What do you think of this as an explanation of behaviour?

Is it a reason for certain behaviours?

DH said it to me recently about DS1's actions towards his younger brother (he can be quite mean to him and DH said 'that's what brothers are like').

To be honest I really don't think it's a actual reason, and I certainly don't think that it means I shouldn't condone DS1's actions/words towards his little brother and just accept it.

DS1's behaviour isn't anything shocking, just saying things he knows winds DS2 up ("you're to little to do that", "I'm not playing with you because you're silly" and being really bossy or opting for the total opposite of what DS2 wants (regarding something such as which book to have read to them at night or which playground to go to). That sort of thing. Nothing to wildly unusual between siblings.

In a nutshell is it right to condone something because it's 'normal'.

I think it's a difference between expecting/understanding behaviour and condoning it.

Yes, siblings will fight/argue/wind each other up. They will have rough patches and good patches. Do you allow them to tease/hit/fight without consequence? I don't think so.

I was the younger child on the receiving end of the meanness, and I was always told it's just what big sisters are like. Actually I found it pretty demoralizing that no one stood up for me, and ended up with very low self esteem, she got away with telling me I was stupid, everything I liked was stupid, I was fat, I was ugly etc etc- and because no one stopped it, I started to believe it.

I'm not suggesting it's anything like this between your boys, but I don't think it's ever OK to be nasty to people even if they are your siblings, it's normal sibling behaviour in the sense that it's bound to happen, but that doesn't mean it should be condoned or ignored.

That's it exactly KurriKurri - it might be normal sibling behaviour but it has a long term effect. Sorry to hear it did on you

Just asked DH now he's in and apparently he didn't mean nothing should be done about it, more then it's normal behaviour and as in it's not abnormal (it that makes any sense!!)