Thoughts on the inevitability of nicknames, esp for longer names?

[DorotheaPlenticlew]

One of our shortlist names is Penelope, which DP and I both like (so nobody tell me it is shit please, that is not what I'm asking ).

DP likes the nn Penny, but I can't seem to warm to it. Not super-keen on any of the other nns I can think of for the name, either. Should I therefore abandon Penelope on grounds that she will inevitably end up called Penny?

I am pretty sure that the answer is yes, and DP definitely thinks that if I can't learn to love Penny we shouldn't take the risk.

However, I do know some people with long names who don't shorten them and never have, and won't hear of it (one of them is called Evangeline, as posted on another current thread, which is what made me think of asking this).

Any thoughts?

Don't hear anyone calling Penelope Cruz 'Penny'.

What is so wrong with putting your foot down and calling your child what you want? Why do you have to accept whatever some random strangers decide your child's name is? You are the parents and you get to decide.

I have a DD with a name that could be shortened any number of ways, but I use the long name I chose for her and so does she, and so does everyone else. You really can correct people and insist on using the name you gave your own child.

I think you have to like the shortened versions of names. You can't control it forever. School etc.

It's a shame you don't like Penny, I think it's very pretty.

See that's the thing, I feel confident we can call her Penelope and put our feet down about what others call her when she's tiny; but she might well grow up and decide she prefers Penny.

And then if I didn't start to like it more, I'd be one of those annoying mums who insists on using the DC's full name even though nobody else ever does and the DC doesn't even like it...

thighsmadeofcheddar, I don't hate it, I just ... dunno, it doesn't do anything for me at all. Penelope has positive associations in the form of people I admire, eg Lively, Wilton, Cruz etc. And I like the fact it's a classical name. Penny, on the other hand, just sounds a bit "generic little-girl name" to me, which is of course just my personal thing and probably because I don't know any Pennys (Pennies?). Or it makes me think of her who wuz married to Rod Stewart.

You don't have to love it, but you would need to find the obvious NN at least tolerable.

My aunt/uncle got around this by putting cousin's name down as Andrew, but they consistently called him Drew from early on. So they had a ready alternative NN and nobody would ever think to use 'Andy' (which aunt/uncle absolutely wanted to avoid).

I'm Isobel and my parents (especially my Dad) couldn't abide Izzy (with very good reason, I might add - it's horrible), so all through my childhood I was never known as Izzy.

But as soon as I moved away from home, I started getting Izzy all the time, and you feel like a right curmudgeon telling people you don't like it, so you tend to lump it.

We have a good friend called Penny (Penny on birth certificate), but DH always calls her Penelope. As a term of endearment - Penny suits her laid back nature so much better that hearing her called Penelope actually sounds quite amusing.

I think you would end up having to live with Penny to a certain extent, so depends whether you can or not.

DD's friend is called Lilli and her nn in school is Didi. No idea why.

You could call her Penelope and then her friends decide to call her Peaches. Or Nele.

You cannot control what nn your DC will have once they get to a certain age, you can just give them a name that you love and hope that they continue to use it.

i am with mmelindt u can say from the off that nobody is to shorten it, but once shes at school is free for all!!

Well, she might grow up and decide she likes tattoos and hairy bikers and think that lots and lots of piercings are cool too. You'll love her just the same, though.

Ture, mathanxiety ... though at least I won't be kicking myself for having given her the tattoos ...

Thanks for all your thoughts, will continue to turn it over in my mind. I think it boils down to whether I can train myself to like Penny more, just in case DD ends up liking it.

Or we could just call her Alice

It doesn't have to be inevitable. I know an Elizabeth just a couple of years older than me (I'm 31) who insists on Elizabeth rather than Liz or Lizzie. Penelope is very pretty (although Penny does work on grown-ups, my best friend is 34 and carries it off very well!)

Nicknames are not inevitable, but as a pp said, you do not own the name, the child does. Therefore, once the child gets to five or so, she will choose her name and I think you need to find something that you don't mind, even if it is something you don't love. My DD1 is 6, and she has experimented with her name, favouring for a little while a shortening I wasn't particularly keen on. Thankfully she has gone through that now, and now prefers her full name. But it is something you might have to face... unless, you can guide her towards another nickname you prefer. We've found that lots of people like a nickname if the name is long (and both our DDs have lond nick names), and where DD1 just had the long name, people took to choosing their own nickname. Whereas with DD2, who has also got a long name, we give them the choice of her full name or a nickname we approve of, and we find people are then less likely to make up their own nicknames. So there is always an argument for getting in there first and choosing a shortening that you prefer!

I think it is likely but not inevitable that at some pint she may be Penny, and also possibly Pen. If you really don't like those, then I'd think again. Partly because you may find that you want to call her something shorter/less formal at times. I'm always called by my full name by everyone except for my immediate family, and my mother did very effectively head off the more normal possible shortening, so it is not that you have no control, but I can't think of any alternative shortenings for Penelope, so I think there is some risk to this one.

My dd's friend Emily calls herself Emmi precisely because she knows it"s "finger nails on the blackboard" to her mother!

Penelope is our girls name choice too - I love it! Like you I am not so keen on Penny but while I am pretty certain family and friends won't use that abbreaviation I am sure that she is likely to dictate her own preference when she is older.

I don't dislike Penny enough to reject the name - I think I just prefer some of the other abbreviations.

Nicknames can just happen anyway, regardless of name, my brother is Thomas and has been known as 'Hammer' by school friends for years - even he can't remember where the nickname came from!!

I think that you will certainly have a few years where you can control what your DD is called. My sister and I went from birth to 16 never having our names shortened - when we did it was our choice. Interestingly, we both now prefer the long version but it's hard to change friends who have been calling you by a nn for years.

My DS is Edward and one of the reasons that I chose it was for the many shortenings, having said that, DD2 has a nn that I never considered when choosing the name.

Just pick the name you love. (Penelope is super gorgeous btw)

I agree, it's up to you to make it clear the name is Penelope. Tell toddler group, pre-school and all the little chums she makes there (they won't think of shortening it will they, cos they won't know the short form). Continue it to school... it should be easy. I have a good friend Catherine who is and always will be a Catherine because that's what she insists.

You will certianly have a few years of putting your foot down and calling your child what YOU want. However as with nay name with possible nn's, they will inevitably end up choosing what they prefer / get used to.

When pg with both of mine i vetoed several names for the sheer thought of nn's.

For example i liked Thomas and Benjamin, but couldn't envisage a Tommy, Tom or Ben or Benji - eugh!

Both my dd and ds have longer names with various nn's, but i liked the nn's that were possible.

I have a longer name and there are soooo many variations, some people call me one thng and others another. , that's not to say i like all of them, but is helpful if you find a few of you in a scenario and can use nn's.

I love Penelope, i know an older Penelope who is known as Nelly.I also know of a Pen and Penny.

By the time your dd is old enough to have acquired a nickname that you have no control over, she will also have acquired a complete personality, habits, taste in music etc etc that you will also have little control over. You get used to it, honestly. And watching somebody growing up and changing into somebody totally different to how you had envisaged your baby is actually even more fun than just planning the dream future of your tiny baby.

So choose whatever name you like now and let the future look after herself.

or itself, even

I love the name Penelope and agree with you about Penny, actually.

i have a long name, and although my family gave me a nickname, it's not used outside the house!
i used to try to give myself a short-name when i was at school but found i automatically called myself by my proper name.

i have a friend who is an Andrew, and like the poster earlier he was Drew in his family, but introduces himself as Andrew and most of his (new) friends call him Andy. even his girlfriend does, which is really confusing when you're round family (i was family friend, so know him as Drew)

Oh yeah -- I know you're right, cory, and mathanxiety too. I don't have a Grand Plan for the DCs, and am aware that they will be handing out large doses of The Unexpected over the next twenty years or so at least. Can't wait to see how their stories turn out

I'm just thinking that in the case of their names, it's actually me and DP who are choosing them, so don't want to be kicking myself for actually making choices for them in the first place that we end up disagreeing on.

Anyway, it is still a shortlist rather than the final name, and we still have a couple of months to decide. But this thread is helping me to clarify my thoughts on the Penelope option.

I have to agree that Penelope is gorgeus and elegant, but for some reason Penny is less nice. As Penny is an almost inevitable nickname, I think you should reconsider if it bothers you.

We've had to rule out quite a few gorgeous long names because of this:

Sebastian is lovely - Seb/Sebby isn't imo
Benedict is great - Ben is boring imo
Evangeline is pretty - Evie is bland/common imo.

We therefore chose 2 syllable names which roll of the tongue easily enough not to have to be shortened. But most importantly, we love all the nickname versions.

So, unless you love all the (obvious) nickname options, I'd reconsider.

My DH and I had always liked the name Eleanor but couldn't agree on the shortened version so went for Harriet (we both like Hattie and Harrie/y)!

I know a 5-year-old Penelope whose parents don't like Penny so she's always been known as Pip - Penelope is there for her to use as an option in the future.

Well, I'm a 32-year-old Victoria and, trust me, it's always Victoria If people start with the shortenings, I just say (nicely) 'actually, it's Victoria' and then move on. Why would I be embarrassed to correct people about my own name? So, if you want to go with Penelope (lovely, btw!) then go for it - and you can steer people kindly towards the full pronunciation as you are, after all, The Mother (cue spooky music! dun dun dun)

(That all being said - as previous posters have pointed out - after a while she will 'own' her own name and may decide on all kinds of shortenings that you could dislike intensely. In fact, I went through a Vicky period precisely to piss my mother off; it worked, too - obnoxious child - but as an adult I decided I liked my actual name. So, you could go with Penelope and then spend some teenage years with a Penny or worse or similar...)