Shortened names. How do you get on with them?

[Eleta]

There are some names that have obvious short forms, Samuel-Sam, Thomas-Tom etc where I'm sure at school your child on paper would be known by full name but be called by short form. But how about names that have more than one short form? And if you choose the less obvious one? Eg: Robert-Bob, William-Billy etc.

I love Ted/Teddy and so am thinking of calling dc3 Edward. I like the name Edward, just not for a small child but I am concerned that he woud go to school and be called Ed/Eddy which I hate. Can you ask schools to call your child Ted or would they use Edward?

Would I be making life harder for him? Would he be forever saying "My names Edward, but I'm called Ted"

My DD has one name on her birth certificate but it always known by the short version. We did it this way so she would be called what we wanted (the short bit) but could choose when she is older to use that or the long one.

I dont tell people her long name, i just introduce her with her short one.

hth [and makes sense]!

Eleta - I think that if you always called him Ted/Teddy and never used Edward, then it is more likely that he will go by that name, even at school - but you would always have to let everyone know that he is called Ted or Teddy.

The only other thing to consider is that your baby may one day have his own opinion about his name and might actually prefer the Ed/Eddie nickname.

Unless you are completely set on Edward as a name, I think that it might be worthwhile trying to think of names that you like the nicknames for as well...

Sorry - not much help, but Ed and Eddie are the more obvious nicknames for Edward, so if you really dislike them then you are risking having to hear him being called that by his mates as he gets older...

I presume though that at the doctors, school etc they use her long name?

Surely if your DS is known as "Ted" by the time he starts school, that's what he will be known as?

I'm a teacher and we always use the childs preferred name - i.e. shortened version, middle name etc... We only use the official name on school reports or official documentation.

Well I hope so. I would imagine that if he had been called Ted for the first 5 years of his life, he would tell people "My names Ted".

My dd2 is Catherine, known as Cassie.

Everyone calls her Cassie/Cass, including at pre-school where her notes just state that she is known by that name. Will be fine all through primary. By secondary, she may need to let some staff know she prefers that name (class lists prob full name) but she may not want the diminutive by that point anyway.

As long as you are clear about it, everyone else will be.

DS is known as Max but his name is Maxi...... (can never remember how to actually spell it!) - everyone knows him as Max and he will be known as Max at school - we only gave him a long name to laugh at him when he gets married!

I don't think (and I expect to be disagreed with!) that you can always dictate what other people call your child, and what he chooses to call himself. If you REALLY can't bear Ed/Eddy, then I think you ought to avoid the name - not least because he may very well choose it himself because (to my ears at least) it sounds more grown up than Teddy.

But you can call him Ted at home and always use Ted yourself, and teachers will always use the version you tell them to, and his classmates will call him what the teacher calls him. It's outside school, at football clubs and so on that he might be Ed, simply because if you see Edward, Ed is the shortening that springs to mind.

For what it's worth, my ds is Patrick. He is called Patrick, Pat,Paddy, Patch, Little Pat and Patarica depending on who he's with and what he's doing.

lol Twinkie1 I hope you twinned that with a really embarrassing middle name

Children's names take on a life of their own, but I've generally found that people call a child what you want him to be called.

One of mine is a Robert, known generally as Robbie, by everyone.

One of the school form asks what their preferred name is, and most staff would use that/ask the child.

It did get a bit confusing for a while though, as his then reception teacher (wonderful teacher but very old-fashioned, since retired) always insisted on using a child's formal name, whereas the Head (who knew him as Robbie) called him Robbie.

Over the last 2/3 years, he's been called a lot of variations and it's now a bit of an injoke (including Ronnie, but that's another story).

My sister is called Eleanor but was only ever known as Ellie at primary school. By the time she started school she knew she had a long and shortened name so she told the teacher herself I think. Of course, once she was known as Ellie in nursery/reception it was known that her name was Ellie right through the school, there was only one class per year at her school so most of the teachers knew most of the kids. At the doctor or dentist she was Eleanor but it doesn't matter for short appointments like that.

WHen she went to secondary shcool she was called Eleanor by her teachers but as she gets older (she is 16 now) she seems to be leaving behind Ellie and calls herself El or Elz now.

No sadly Elliot is his middle name - I wanted it as his first name but it rhymes with his sisters name and I would sound a turkey shouting at them both in Waitrose with rhyming names!

I call him his real name sometimes and he doesn't even answer me!

I have an Edward. We call him Ted or Teddy all the time.
He's only 6 months now but so far the only time he is called Edward is in the Dr's waiting room!
Even then when we go in and the Dr says 'so this is Edward' I just say 'Yes, we call him Teddy' and thats that.
To everyone else I introduce him as Teddy. A lot of aquaintances probably dont realise that isnt his 'official' name.
Our family know his full name is Edward but when he was born we said he is called Edward and we will call him Teddy so they knew from the start.
I dislike Ed/Eddie too, so am hoping he doesnt choose it when he gets to school!!

I still love the name and would choose it again!

2.4kids - this is the case with my dd. Lots of people assume that she is called Cassandra or that Cassie is her given name cos they've never heard her called anything esle.

I think you have to accept that at some point someone will call him Edward, Ed, Eddie and you will either have to correct them or accept it. As you know when Oliver went to nursery I told them he was to be known as Oliver or Ol at at push but within days he was Ollie and has been ever since.

People will always invent things to call people, personally I always use the long version until I'm told otherwise, but I had so many Kathy, Kate, Katie, Kath attempts and I just politely said 'My name's Katherine' even when i was 5! If he knows himself as Ted he won't answer to Ed, don't worry about it.

I HATE Kathy BTW, so does my mum, it's ok to give your child a name with a shortening that you despise! The only one I answer to now is Kat, and only from a select few!

Oh yes - it depends how much your son himself cares. I wanted to be called Katherine, but he might like Eddie, or just not care, then there's not much you can do about it.

I have a Bob who tells everyone "I am Bob but my professional name is Robert".

Most people assume he is Bob on his birth certificate.

I like every shortening of Robert - If you don't like Eddie then call him by the shortened version only.

I think it's totally reasonable to expect people to call your child what you want them to be called - up to the point where they develop opinions of their own on the matter. So it's not OK for anyone to call an Edward 'Eddie' if that's not what you want.

My DD1 is always known by the shortened version of her full name. When she started school the teacher called her the long version; she came home at the end of day one a bit baffled by this. So on day two I explained to the teacher (as she was still too shy at that point) what she's known as, and that was that - no problem. There are a couple of different spellings of the shortened version though, and she has recently begun to assert independence by spelling it with an 'ie' rather than a 'y' - which makes me laugh.

Some people are very odd about names. I think it's wrong to call someone by an abbreviation that they don't use themselves and aren't happy with. My friend Elizabeth has spent her entire life correcting people who attempt to call her Liz - the cheek of it! Equally annoyingly, my mother has a blanket hostility to any abbreviation of any name - so for a long time she wouldn't use the shortened version of DD1's name, just to make a point. It just seems so rude to decide that you don't agree with what someone wants to call themselves (or what their parents want). There are similarities with the way some people react to a woman who doesn't change her name when she gets married - they use "Mrs Thing" anyway.

This subject is one of my great irritations in life!

Thanks Treeny. I am in total agreement. I have only ever shortened peoples names if that is the name they introduce themselves by or with friends that you are sure they are known by the correct shortform iykwim. I would never shorten an Elizabeth to Liz without her saying so as she may prefer her full name, Beth, Eliza etc. I have a friend with a baby Elizabeth and I asked her if she was going to shorten it and she said eventually she will be Beth but she is calling her ELizabeth at the mo, so thats what I call her

They did at first but I found most doctors/ professional types tend to say 'who is this?' or 'Is this Vanessa?' to which I just reply
'Yes this is Nessa'
and they then just copy what we have said.

(it's easier to explain by using names!)

I have a Jessica, who despite me trying to call her Jessi for her forst 4yrs of life, has decided she is in fact Jessica and will be known as Jessica.

I also have a Rebecca, but is known as Becca, ask her what her name is, she says Becca. Pre-school have noted she is to be called Becca.

DS is only 8mnths, but he is a Daniel, so far we havent really shortened it, but will occasionally come out with Danny-boy but it just doesnt suit him the same as Daniel.

I think that you can call your child whatever you want - and you can try to get other people to do the same. But it's not worth pushing it. I always call my Patrick by his full name becasue I like it, but he was always called Little Pat by his Grandad and his great Uncles and Aunts to distinguish him from his Grand dad, who was Pat. His football coach calls him Pat, his grandma calls him Paddy and his big sister calls him Patch. He is not just mine - he belongs in varying degrees to all the people who know him, and he has a different relaionship with all of them.

Seeker - perhaps I'm too uptight about this (perish the thought!) but I think names really matter and it is worth pushing it. I just don't understand why people would think that they have the right to give your child a different name! A person's name is a huge part of their identity - saying 'I'm not going to call you by the name you use, I'm going to call you what I like' seems pretty hostile to me.

As I said, I'm v uptight...