Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

Original poster

Would you still call your child by a name they hated

23 replies

Elbelle6 · 20/11/2015 22:08

We are trying to choose a name (hence my previous thread) part of the problem is I was given a name I hated and changed as soon as I was 18.

It got me thinking, would you continue to call your child by their name if they told you they hated it and even changed it or would you respect their wishes.

Not only did I detest my name, I hated the shortened version of it my family used (Sue) from as early as I remember I never used this name myself, I never asked anyone to call it me and I always said how much I hated it and yet my mum continues to introduce me to people using it. It felt quite weird to grow up in a family that actively encouraged other people to call you by a nn you hated and that everyone went along with it.

Would you persist with a name you chose?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Kpo58 · 20/11/2015 23:32

I would try and give at least a couple of names to a child, so hopefully there's a name that they do like in it.

I hate my RL name and it doesn't have a shortened version and my DH hates my middle name

AnnaMarlowe · 20/11/2015 23:48

No, and in fact we have our children middle names for just this purpose - in case they didn't like their first names.

I do know a woman who switched to using her middle name when she went to uni. Everyone who met her from then on called her the new name her family and old friends didn't switch.

The wedding was apparently confusing. FOB speech about 'Mary' and then the groom pops up talking about 'Anna'.

Trinpy · 21/11/2015 00:04

No, you only give your baby a name of your choosing because they can't decide for themselves. Imo, as soon as they're old enough to have an opinion on it they're old enough to decide what they want to be called. I really felt the pressure trying to come up with names for my dcs that hopefully they will like.

I don't like my name but I can't think of anything I'd rather be called...

CharmingChampignon · 21/11/2015 00:32

I know a couple of people that have changed their name on transitioning to high school or uni and their families have at least tried to change too

Shesinfashion · 21/11/2015 08:34

I find it really odd that unless it was a really unusual name, anyone, especially a child could care that much about a name. I'm not particularly keen on mine but it's just a word to be known by.

Shesinfashion · 21/11/2015 08:37

And yes, I'd still call my child by a name they hated. I'd also tell them to cop onto themselves and focus their energies on something more important.

TwoTwoOneBravo · 21/11/2015 08:39

No. While I think I would be sad that my child disliked the names I had so carefully chosen, I would respect their wish to be called something different.

Bogburglar99 · 21/11/2015 08:49

It would depend on age of child, reasons for wanting to change, and proposed alternatives.

Eg 15 year old wanting to be Becky rather than Rebecca, no problem.

4 year old wanting to change from Lily to Princess Superhero Batman, don't reach for the deed polls just yet.

ragged · 21/11/2015 09:55

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest as long as I could say & spell it.

I changed my name when I was 8 (to something completely different). I was actually named after my mother (very establishment English name) but she gave me her full support to be called what I wanted. My brother also switched from his first to middle name.

Lots of my mothers friends questioned her decision & thought she should be firm and indignant with me instead. (Bet my father had no such hassle...)

I can't understand people who think it's sacred what they call their children. Thread about the name Boglarka pushed a few of my buttons.

HardWorkButTheyMakeMeSmile · 21/11/2015 10:05

I have an 8 year old that doesn't like her name. Nothing out there or unusual, she just doesn't like it.

She has mentioned this On a few occasions over the past 3 years, and I did say that if she dislikes it so much then at 18 she could change it by deed poll. This seemed to satisfy her but I have no idea if she would want to do this seriously or if it's just that today she feels like being Sarah or Rebecca !

Her name does not seem to upset her she just doesn't like it. I have to say though that I do find it upsetting(but hide it completely) that she doesn't like the name we chose for her.

Raines100 · 21/11/2015 11:35

This is interesting. I don't really understand how people get to have such strong opinions about their own names one way or the other- unless you're a boy called Tracey or a girl called Fanny, obviously.

I don't really know if I like my name or not. I can't really hear it- like when you say a word over and over so many times it starts to sound weird. It's probably not what I would have picked for myself, but it's a normal, innocuous name, and it seems to do the job, so I wouldn't change it. Do most people feel like this about their names?

If my DCs wanted to change their names, I can't imagine being that bothered. I'd think it was a shame, and I would explain the reasons that we'd given them those names in the hope that they would see the beauty of them through our eyes, but ultimately, their names belong to them.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/11/2015 11:48

No I wouldnt. And we gave great consideration to their middle names - no naming after grandpa Wally etc- and used names we liked so if they chose to switch names we wouldn't mind.

OnTheEdgeToday · 21/11/2015 11:59

I dont really like my name, but i wouldnt go to the lengths of changing it.

My 7yo despises his middle name. So much so he denies he even has one and gets quite frustrated if people tell him he has. Thankfully, he likes his first name.

WomanScorned · 21/11/2015 12:19

DS1 dislikes his name, and changed it to something worse (imo) for a year or so (on his social media accounts). I continue to call him by the name I gave him, just because I forget. If he really, really hated it, I think I would just have to respect that, and call him by his chosen name.
He hates one of his middle names and refuses to use it on forms, etc.
His first name is also the name of a deli sandwich, which I didn't know until he told me. The sandwich has lots of different types of meat in it, and he's vegan. The non-meat version, is called a 'virgin', so I get that a sensitive teen would be a bit upset about being named virgin meat sandwich!
So, yes, I'd go along with his wishes, if it bothered him enough, even though I still like the names I chose.
I do get how people can have strong opinions on a name, hence the angst in the baby names board.
I dislike the most common form of my name, but am old enough and confident enough to tell anyone who takes it upon themselves to cal me by it - it's not my name! I always use the full name, but my dad and brothers generally call me by a different shortened form, which I don't mind. I never introduce myself by that name, though, only my actual name.

SoWhite · 21/11/2015 12:34

Is sandwich DS Rueben?

WomanScorned · 21/11/2015 12:59

Yes, SoWhite - how did you guess? :)

SoWhite · 21/11/2015 13:47

I googled 'vegetarian virgin sandwich'

SugarPlumTree · 21/11/2015 13:57

DD doesn't like her name and said she wanted to change it for Upper school. She was bullied at middle school and it became synonymous with bad times.

Her name has lots of shortenings/variations in other languages so we asked if she would use one of them to keep the same initial. After lots of searching she came up with one she liked that is a Scandanavian shortening. My Mum comes from close by to that part of Europe so a nice link.

We all call her by her new name and I put then on the Electoral Roll form. In another year or so she'll be 18 and I'm planning to do a Deed Poll thing for her as I thought it would be nice for us to do it to show it has our blessing.

WomanScorned · 21/11/2015 18:06

Ahs, SoWhite; I'm impressed by your sleuthing!

Original poster

Elbelle6 · 21/11/2015 18:08

I find it lovely that so many of you are understanding. It is difficult. I found out later that my mu didn't actually want to call me by the name they chose but did so because no one liked her other choices and as a teacher she wanted to be sure I could spell it. She said we didn't know where he or not you would be stupid! I was also bullied for my middle name which ironically is now coming back in to fashion. I think I just find it odd that someone would continue to call someone by a name they never used themselves and never did.

OP posts:

hobitty · 25/11/2015 14:20

I also don't understand how people get to have such strong opinions about their own names one way or the other- unless you're a boy called Willy or a girl called Fanny, or Poopoohead.

All my friends' names are associated to their personalities, not the letters of their names... so names really aren't that important to me.

insan1tyscartching · 25/11/2015 14:31

My dc like their names but I hate mine and would let my dc change their names if they wanted. Having said that the names I call them are neither their names nor shortened versions just names that seem to have stuck. Outside of home they tend to use their real names (but their friends don't blink when they are called different names here) but in the family they are commonly known by their pet names.

Doublebubblebubble · 25/11/2015 14:33

I wish my parents would. I was born a Katherine (much to my chagrin) I have ALWAYS referred to myself as Katie or Kate... The only people (now dearly departed) to ever use my prefered name were my grandparents on my mums side... Even though I changed my name when I got married the still continue to used Katherine ( I hate it!!) They say its what they're used to but you'd think from the grimace on my face when they call me it would give them a hint to maybe stop. I'm 29!

Flip