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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

How did/would you settle a disagreement on baby names with partner?

20 replies

RL20 · 31/01/2015 20:01

To cut a long story short- I would of had a whole list of girls name as I find it much easier. Only had a few boys names in mind as I've felt really picky towards boys names as I didn't want them too modern or too old.
We're having a baby boy.
Partner has never really had much thought or input into anything so far (I'm due in April). He hasn't expressed many ideas to anything at all. Now all of a sudden he decides he doesn't like the name that I've said I love for the past 2 months!
I feel as though I want to choose a first name as he will be having his dad's surname, and also one of his relatives as a middle name!
This will probably be the only child I have, (he has one other child). I just feel really strongly that I want to name him, within reason of course. My main annoyance is that he's not mentioned that he doesn't like it before, and even says "well let me pick the first name and he can have your surname". Which made me feel a bit hurt as I thought I was doing a really nice, traditional thing by putting baby's surname as his! (His other child doesn't have his surname). And now I feel like it doesn't even matter that much to him! Feeling a bit down about it.
Any suggestions?

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ProveMeWrong · 31/01/2015 20:12

Drop the subject until the birth and say you want to see what he suits first and have a look at him, then throw it back in the ring at that point. Not worth falling out over, he will always grow into his name. I chose the name if it was a girl, he chose for a boy and it ended up with my husbands' choice which was a family first name. I then had a boy's name from my family for the middle name.

wesH · 31/01/2015 20:13

Its not really much of a compromise if he doesnt really mind whether the baby has his surname or not. Sounds like you just really want the final say on the forename and you're using the surname thing as a way to shut him up. My advice would be just keep trying to find one you both like. make a list of names you like and get him to do the same, then see if you have any in common.

Coconutty · 31/01/2015 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

toddlerwrangling · 31/01/2015 20:14

Wait until the birth and see what happens. My DP wasn't as keen on my name choice as I was. After the birth he said "after seeing you do all that, you get to call her anything you want!"

Guyropes · 31/01/2015 20:18

Decide together . Some parents aren't interested in picking a name until nearer the time. If he's not shown any interest in the discussion, it was perhaps slightly foolish to just go off and pick a name by yourself. It might have been wiser to wait until he was ready to discuss it. Wouldn't you prefer it to give your child a name you both like?

And he's clearly not arsed about the surname, so I wouldn't be trying to use that as a payoff.

Guyropes · 31/01/2015 20:20

Google 'named together' for a nice website to help you choose names.

WooltonPie · 31/01/2015 21:24

Agree that whoever takes on the task of expelling the baby through a bodily orifice gets the final say. (Especially as you've already conceded re surname.)

JakeyBurd · 31/01/2015 21:48

Years before we married, my EX and I had a drunken chat during which we agreed on a brilliant name for our one and only son, should we have one. Then five years later when I was expecting twins, he had no interest in the names and left them up to me, so I said I'd stick with the name we agreed before, and came up with another (it was two boys).

But as soon as they were born, he declared one of them looked like his dad and wanted to name him after his dad. It happened to be the middle name of our old first choice, but no pleading or reasoned arguing would shift him and I was furious because the name is OK as a middle name, but far too dull and "traditional" for a first name choice for me. He wouldn't budge, but just kept saying that I was getting to choose one so he was claiming the rights over the other.

I just gave up in the end, and the brilliant first name we chose years before became the middle name and I've never got over it. I still don't like my son's name much. Every time I say it I just wish it were more, well, exciting. And that there weren't always two or three in whichever class he's in.

So, OP, please try and find something you both like. It's miserable being the parent who was railroaded into a name, and never grew to love it.

Guyropes · 31/01/2015 21:52

Woolton pie, love your description of childbirth. I'm terrified now!!!!

WooltonPie · 31/01/2015 22:00

That's the description you use in negotiations Guy

Don't be terrified.

Mrsjayy · 31/01/2015 22:03

Wait till you have him his dad will let you call him what you want believe me I got the final say on both babies names

SirChenjin · 31/01/2015 22:06

We compromised and got something we both liked, as opposed to something that one of us loved and the other disliked.

If DH had had his way DD would have been called Sara - which is a nice name, but also happens to be the name of his ex-fiancee. He genuinely couldn't understand it when I said "no fucking way"

Guyropes · 01/02/2015 09:03

Pp's saying don't worry, he'll let you pick after he sees you go through childbirth ... It may be so for their partner, but not all dads are the same. As proven by other pp who got railroaded. How well do you know your partner, op?

Guyropes · 01/02/2015 09:05

Chen... He wanted to name your baby after his ex? What a prick! (For that moment) has he learned?

SirChenjin · 01/02/2015 10:40

Firstly - my DH is not 'prick', OK? Just so we're straight.

No, he didn't want to name DD after his ex-fiancee - he really liked the name Sara, and to him it was just a name. He was genuinely puzzled when I put my foot down. Actually, what I said was "fine, providing you are happy with calling the baby " - which seemed to encourage the penny to drop.

Guyropes · 01/02/2015 10:55

Chen, I am sure your dh is not a prick, which is why I said 'for that moment' every wonderful person is entitled to a moment of prickishness, and unconsciously suggesting your ex's name for your new baby is one if them.

Glad the penny dropped, and sorry for calling him a prick.

SirChenjin · 01/02/2015 10:57

Thanks for the apology.

cathpip · 01/02/2015 11:04

You keep looking at names till you find one that you both like. Our ds2 was called a name that my dh came across on a cv he was reading, I had trawled website after website and we didn't like anything and then he just walked in from work one night and said ......, I just exclaimed ooooo I like that one. Dh has gone on to higher the chap but has not told him he is the reason that our ds has the same name :)

cathpip · 01/02/2015 11:05

Hire clearly.....

RabidFairy · 01/02/2015 14:47

I found it helped to get my way right after I'd given birth. At least that's what happened with DD; fortunately DH was happy with the name I preferred.
With DS, again we made the final choice after his birth, but it took a few more hours and compromise.

I'd keep a shortlist, including the name you love, and readdress it post birth. We're pregnant with DC3 and have a shortlist. Just like the last two times we each have names we prefer over the others choices, but we'll figure it out when the baby is here.

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