Should I worry about upsetting my family with a name

[toadmum]

Hi,
We don't know what we are having blue or pink and have a short list for both:
Girl - Isla Joanne or Emilia Joanne or Brooke Joanne
Boy - Freddie James or Louis/Louie James

Girls are ok but boys - we both like Freddie but a family member wanted to name her baby Freddie (they had a girl) - can we upset them and go with it if we like it?

This could be no problem as I think I'm having a girl anyway but got to be prepared!

Thanks

Have you spoken to the family member? There was a thread on here recently about a name being 'used' if it was considered for dc1, so it wouldn't be an option for subsequent dc. Your relative might not mind.

Nice list btw, I love Joanne :)

I like Isla Joanne and Louis James.

It is very difficult when someone calls 'dibs' on a name. It doesn't seem to occur to them that both parents might fancy a name they liked. So even if you had a cousin who was especially fond of a name, and she was hoping you'd not pick it, wouldn't your DP get a say?

Especially since the name here is Freddie and first time round your family member had a girl instead anyway!

Go with what you fancy.

Depends.

Is her dad/ brother/ significant friend/ relative called Freddie? That makes it 'off limits' for me.

If not, it's a common enough name, go for it.

My brother and SIL 'stole' my baby baby name for their son. The name has a male/female version - think Harry and Harriet. I ended up using the female version anyway.

How would you feel if you use Freddie and they decide to have a boy they call Freddie too?

I don't think you would be "wrong" to use it but I think it would be better not to, unless you've spoken to the relative in question

It's one of those would you rather be right or kind moments

I definitely think they don't have dibs on the name in this situation (in fact I don't think people really have dibs on a name in any situation).

For all your relative knows, you might have been intending for years to use Freddie for your DS. Did she ask you when she was expecting if it was ok by you if she used Freddie?

And if you do bypass Freddie because of them, and they did have another DS, but decided on a different name (as people often do with the next pregnancy), how would you feel?

I think it would be weird if you used it without telling her first, I mean she may not mind one bit if you use it for your child. But if I had told all and sundry 'if I ever have a son I'll call him Freddie' I'd find it odd if a relative then used it without letting me know first. I'd think it was a single white female move or a passive aggressive move.

I don't think they have dibs on it.

But when I found myself in your situation I didn't even consider using the name.

I don't know, it just felt like it was theirs.

Now they have a baby called that name :)

And I have a baby called something else.

depends who it is.

your sister/ brother - I think I would choose something else.

second cousin - I'd go for it.

hmmm, who is the family member?

I like Isla Joanne and Louis James best

It's hard with people calling dibs on names, as they might want to use it if they have another chance, plus they're family. Depends on how close you are I guess, do you see them often or more like once a year? It's definitely a tricky one.

Just use the name you like.

Dibs on names is not ok

Freddie could be Alfred or Wilfred or Frederick.

If you use a longer name your child can be called your favourite short version at home and long version by extended family - until they get used to it anyway!

For the sake of harmonious family relations you should tell her though.

^ There are a lot of men with the same name in DH's family. They each just use a different nickname.

how long had she been wanting a freddie for? it may have been a passing phase. if she was already using the name then i wouldn't touch it with a bargepole out of respect and consideration, however she isn;t so its different. she may never have a boy.

I really don't see the point of just telling her. asking her if she minds (and then obviously choosing something different if she does) is good. But telling her just stinks of ......we are going with this whether you like it or not...and if you do mind its tough.

of course asking her will also clarify if there are likely to be 2 freddies in the family. this would personally drive me nuts, but maybe doesn't bother you?

I would use it but be prepared for her to either use it too later down the line, or for her to resent you for it.
My aunt did this to my mum with her chosen boys name and even though my mother never had a son she still harps on about it 30 years later

Difficult one, my SIL was due 5 weeks before me, we both liked same boys name although it was initially our 2nd choice. We knew we were having a boy and they didn't know if they were having a boy or girl. They had a boy but used a different name DS was born 5 weeks later and we used THE name.

I thought this was fine as they had their baby first and could have used it but didn't, they never said 'neither of us will use it' and they actually said they hadn't used it because a close friend of BIL was called the same.

Apparently we stole the name because they had decided to 'save' it for if they ever had DS2!!!!

Basically I think it's fine, you can't save a bloody name what if they have another DD? Is no one ever allowed to use Freddie just in case? But people can be funny about this kind of thing so if you're worried about offending them I would tread carefully!