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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Changing name of 19 month old

25 replies

Narabug01 · 16/10/2012 21:28

We gave our dd the name of another member of my husband's family, both the first and surname! At the time I thought it would be ok as we never see this person as she is from the second marriage of my husband's grandfather. I just feel, as time goes on that we have not given our dd her own name and it belongs to someone else in the family - although distant. If we ever met her at a family party - which is unlikely, but possible - I would feel really awkward.

Am considering changing the spelling of the name by Deed Poll, just to make it a little different from the other family member. Have mentioned it to husband but as the name was his idea in the first place he is not keen to do it. Also he considers that it is too late to change it.

Wondered if anyone could give some advise??!!

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Popumpkin · 16/10/2012 21:33

19 months does seem a bit late to entirely change the name - surely your DD knows her own name by now? You could change the spelling if you want to, but would that really make any difference?

I don't quite understand how you have given her the relative's first name and surname? Is the surname your DD's middle name? Also, was your DD named after the relative specifically or was it just a name you both liked?

Original poster

Narabug01 · 16/10/2012 21:58

It was a name that we both liked after I had exhausted my list of names and husband did not like any of my choices.

The surname is the same as the other relative has never married. the name was not used to name our child after her.

Changing the spelling would also change the sound of the name and I thought that as dd cannot yet speak I feel it is now or never to make the change.

Sorry you must think this is all very odd!

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5ThingsUnderTheBed · 16/10/2012 22:01

I wouldn't. Your dd is 19 months and will get confused if you start calling her something else.

Hassled · 16/10/2012 22:02

Changing the actual name = madness.
Changing the spelling of the name = I don't really see the point. Isabelle Bloggs still sounds pretty much the same as Isobel Bloggs, and I'm assuming your spelling thing would be along those lines.

And in any case, your DD is her own person and she'll fit her name just fine.

Hassled · 16/10/2012 22:03

X post - I see the spelling does affect the sound. Still no - way too confusing for a toddler. You're really overthinking this - your DD is not the relative, and her name is her name.

Original poster

Narabug01 · 16/10/2012 22:08

Good points x perhaps I am over thinking the whole name thing. I just want to do the best that I can and do not want her to ask me when she is older why we gave her the same name as soneone else. To be honest I do regret it and i suppose I thought that doing this now would make me feel a bit better about it.

OP posts:

Leafmould · 16/10/2012 22:58

I'm sure you will soon get to the point when the only thing your dc's name make you think of is your dc!

HolyAutumnGoldBatman · 16/10/2012 23:08

You can't change her first name now, it's too late.

Does she have a middle name? Is this the same as the relative? If she doesn't have one give her one or give her a second middle name if you need something different.

You could double-barrel her surname, so she has your maiden name hypen DH's surname to make the name different.

Or if you must change her first name, keep the bit that you've been using and add an extra bit i.e. if she's called Lucy, make it Lucy-Rose or Lucy-Jane or something.

echidnakid · 16/10/2012 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chislemum · 17/10/2012 10:29

Why make your life so difficult? Don't change it and relax.... you loved the name, little one knows the name. There will always be someone with the same name....or similar name.

AreYouAbleMabel · 17/10/2012 11:26

Can you get any nickname out of her actual name? You could start gradually sneaking that in over time!

RillaBlythe · 17/10/2012 11:36

One day your DD will say 'did you name me after auntie Jane?' & you will say, 'no, we just loved the name & knew it would be just right for you'. I honesty don't see the problem.

MyLastDuchess · 17/10/2012 14:29

I honestly wouldn't change it, you are dooming her to a lifetime of having to fill out 'other names you have been known by' and produce documentation of the name change. If she wants to do it herself later that's one thing, but forcing it on her is a bit much IMO. I'm sure she'll be fine.

I have a friend called John Smith and I'm sure he shares his name with many, many others. He seems to be ok with it

evamummy · 17/10/2012 14:39

At 19 months your dd will know her name and I don't think it would be fair to change the sound of her first name. Could you just add a middle name to differentiat it from your relative's name?

HowToChangeThis · 17/10/2012 22:26

I'd say leave it, especially as they are different generations so, in the nicest possible way, the duplication will disappear at some point. Dd has the same first name as one of DH's cousins and one of mine but we have lots of cousins, it's a classic name and it's a new generation so I'm totally comfortable with it.

wigglesrock · 17/10/2012 22:33

I wouldn't worry about it at all, you don't see the other child. This has happened in my family - two little girls have exactly the same first name and surname - the women are related and both married men with the same surname (its quite a common one) and they both have used the same first name. The cousins (who are the Mums) - is it just me who's confused now? , never see each other and it hasn't caused an ounce of bother.

monsterchild · 17/10/2012 22:39

If you really want to then just do it. Lots of kids aren't called by their legal names.the other choice is to just call her something else.names in my family are very fluid and we all have a variety of names. My Dh wants to call our ds Catfish.I told him he can call him anything, but I'm not writing Catfish on a certificate.

amck5700 · 17/10/2012 23:49

My son was known by a nickname from the front of a jumper he wore as a baby....probably exclusively till he was about 2 then sporadically until he was about 8 - he still knows what his proper name is.

However, I wouldn't bother changing it - you picked it because you liked it and it went well with the surname. I am sure that those things still stand.

sashh · 18/10/2012 02:07

Don't change it.

I was 11 when someone with the same name as me married a relative so we both have the same first and last name.

Original poster

Narabug01 · 18/10/2012 13:23

Thanks all for your comments. It has made me fell a lot better about the name knowing that actually you are all right - I don't think it really matters as they are different generations and almost different families and will very rarely meet. It is good to know that there are others with a similar situation in their families.

I was at a toddler group yesterday and I have used a nickname for her for some time now and someone picked up on it and thought that was her name! I think I will continue to use this nickname as it does sound different but she responds to both.

We do both love her name and that is why we chose it and it goes well with her sister's name - who is older. I think changing it will probably confuse both of them - which would be a nightmare.

I did like the idea of adding an extra middle name and perhaps double barrelling her name - even if it is just used in the family and then she can have the choice when she is older as to whether she uses it or not.

OP posts:

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 19/10/2012 01:01

I come from a family full of Catherines. They are all shortened to something different. Theres a Cathy, a Catey, an Irene... Can you shorten her name to seperate her from the family member a little?

SavoyCabbage · 19/10/2012 04:28

I have an 'aunt' with the same name as me. She's not a actual aunt but the wife of my mothers cousin. It has never occurred to me that I was called after her or that we have the same name as there is 30 something years between us.

Original poster

Narabug01 · 19/10/2012 12:33

Yes I have used a shortened version of her name and also almost morphed her name into something that is a bit different. she answers to both as they sound similar.

I think this is the solution as it makes me feel like this an individual thing for her and doesn't make me think that she is "the other ..."

You are right I am sure she will not think about it (as much as I have!) as this is her name that she has been called for all her life and she will probably only meet the other relative a handful of times in her life.

I think I am getting nervous about the name issue as we have a couple of family does coming up and some of the closer family have not seen her yet and I think I was worried they might say "I can't believe you have named her the same as X!"

OP posts:

Minty82 · 19/10/2012 14:12

Really don't see why it would ever be an issue - I have a huge extended family and loads of overlapping names, often between much closer relations and people who regularly see each other (uncles and nephews, for example). Never been a problem, or caused one person to feel greater or lesser ownership of the name. You chose it because you love it, so please don't worry. I do think it would be odd to change it now, and would cause far more of a talking point among the wider family than the fact she has the same name as a distant cousin!

Original poster

Narabug01 · 19/10/2012 21:17

Thanks your comments really help. I think I have just been over obsessing about something that i know I cannot really change, without causing a lot of agro for her. She does suit the name that we gave her and it is ultimately her name.

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