Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

Original poster

Tactics for persuading DH to go with my favourite name

20 replies

Stase · 03/07/2011 21:39

How do I do it? I love LOVE a particular name for our DD1 due in September, but DH isn't having any of it. He's a stubborn git, so I've shut up about it for now, as I don't want him to dig his heels in permanently.
How do I persuade him?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PurveyorOfBaloney · 03/07/2011 21:41

Wait until just after delivery, when he will agree to anything after the ordeal you have just been through!

deemented · 03/07/2011 21:41

I don't think you do, tbh. I think the name has to be something that you both love.

Or just pounce on him immediately after you've given birth and he'll agree to anything as he'll be busy being infatuated with dd.

iwasyoungonce · 03/07/2011 21:49

You have to keep referring to the bump/future DD as that name. "Oh, I can feel little Tarquina moving!" and "I wonder what Tarquina will look like..."

Be relentless.

It worked for me. :)

diggingintheribs · 03/07/2011 21:55

agree with purveyor

after watching me go through labour DH would have agreed to calling baby Satan!!

he put up a bit more resistance second time round but I won him round in the end

he oftens says, you know he/she really is a 'childs name'! So he accepts I was right!!

wigglesrock · 03/07/2011 22:17

Mr W wasn't overly bothered with boys name I really liked, I went the opposite way and didn't mention it after the initial row discussion. A few months later he said "oh I like that name now" Of course I had dd3 (we always agree on girls names )

SloganLogan · 03/07/2011 22:18

Erm, why not choose a name you both like?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 03/07/2011 22:19

I love Verity. DH absolutely will not entertain the idea. I have tried all tactics and he's not budging. S'not fair

Sugarkane · 03/07/2011 22:38

This is going to sound really bad but with both my DC I bugged the hell out of DP making name suggestions that in the end he said call the baby what you want but please stop going on. Worked both times and hoping it works a third.

Rosemallow · 03/07/2011 22:47

I wrote a list of my favourite names and took it into hospital with my notes. We hadn't agreed a name yet and DP preferred one I didn't like. My choice was at the top of the list and when DD was born he immediately said 'she looks like a < my name choice >, let's call her that!'
He didn't realise it was my first choice at the time and loves telling everyone how her name 'just came to him'.
I haven't the heart to tell him!
Not sure if what i did accidentally would work for you but some sort of subliminal messages might help!

Tommy · 03/07/2011 22:50

I was set on DS2's name but DH didn't like it so we hadn't agreed on anyting. When he was born and the MW asked us what he was going to be called, I said we hadn't decided yet and DH suddenly said "I think he should be called.... (exact name that I wanted)

agree with purveyor - aftre labour, he should agree to anything

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 04/07/2011 07:01

Does he hate that particular name, or is he set on a different name, or do you have different tastes generally? It's three different problems. If he's not just vetoing everything in sight, and is set against that one particular name...then recognise that it's his child too and find a compromise like a mature adult, rather than tricking him into it like a passive-aggressive child.

yellowflowers · 04/07/2011 08:12

Pretend you like something really awful. That way this name becomes the compromise solution!

Bandwithering · 04/07/2011 08:20

Stop discussing it. Stop trying to make him like it. Don't mention names again. He will NEVER feel like you have the right to make that final choice more than just after you've delivered, so that'd be my advice. Leave it 'til moments after she's born and then just say the name like it's just come back to you. NOt like you've been stubbornly pushing the name for months and now you're using this chance to get the name approved.

I wish I'd done this! I blew it. My x said he hated the name I loved,but really, he hated every name except Elizabeth and Catherine. I WISH I'd just refused to discuss it. Why did I try to 'move the discussion along' every day. Still cross with myself over it.

BikeRunSki · 04/07/2011 08:28

I love a particular name for DD1 due in October (it was also my GM's name).
I am training DS (2.10) to use it in reference to his new sister. At the moment I am leaving DH to "think about it". He has not yet counter-bid any other names.

Other weapons in my arsenal (have yet to pull out the big guns, we've only known it's a girl for 2 weeks) include:

1 - 7 weeks in bed/hospital with hyperemisis
2 - Labour and/or major abdominal surgery
3 - DS was named after DH's GF, so logically DD should be named after my GM.
4 - When baby is born, getting in there first when Mw/Doc asks what the name is (I realise that this is a risk strategy as I may well be full of drugs and not too quick off the mark).
5 - My mum (said GM's daughter).

Bandwithering · 04/07/2011 08:31

omg bike, if you don't win that one I'd be surprised. It's not even 'winning' really, given number 3 on your list.

I do 't understand number five on your list though. what do you mean? that your mum also likes the same name?? that will convince your husband....??

IvyAndGold · 04/07/2011 08:34

DP wasn't keen on the name with the middle name that i really really wanted for DD, but after he'd seen the birth the midwife asked what her name was; i just looked at him with a bit of a sad face and said 'what ever you want...'

he picked the name i wanted

risky, but it worked!

Original poster

Stase · 04/07/2011 11:16

I like to have a short list, so there can be some discussion. DH plumps for a name quite early on and won't be budged! DS2s name is the result of this - I like it, but it felt odd that is was decided on at 20 weeks and nothing else was ever considered. I agree children 'become' their names. We agree on boys' names, but as this is my first daughter, I'd like her to have a strong name that will serve her well as an adult, while DH is thinking cute and girly, what I think of as 'pat-on-the-head' names.

Two months to go! Thanks for all the suggestions. Having witnessed labour twice already I'm thinking he won't be THAT impressed third time! Anyway, he likes Josie, which I like too, just without the steamroller approach!

OP posts:

Hedwig3 · 04/07/2011 11:25

Agree with wigglesrock - wait for it to be his idea!

My hubby does this all the time, I have an idea, pause, then he has the same idea and passes it off as his own.

It used to really bug me but then I learnt to use it to my advantage

BikeRunSki · 04/07/2011 13:53

bandwithering My mum can be very persuasive..... she is a good person to have on side in times of crisis like this!

Agree with hedwig and wigglestock though. All the best ideas are when the men think they've had it. We just plant the seeds.

mamaesi · 04/07/2011 21:42

my husband is refusing to discuss as he did for the first one.
i am open minded about girls names but I have one boys name that I am dying for...and he said no to already.

have no idea what to do....he is difficult. but we did agree after the first one was born...which he still claims was all his idea...(which of course was one of the names I suggested)

Flip