Abortion - why does no one seem to talk about it on mumsnet?

[bealos]

It seems to be the elephant in the room. Is there, in fact, a discussion board for talking about abortion? (Can't find one if there is)

Antenatal tests and choices board. Most of it is about problems found at 12 and 20 week scans etc but there are also posts on there from people who are pg and don't want to be. It's a bit of an odd combination tbh. But I guess if they had a specific "abortion" board then it would be more easily targetted by abusive posters.

I suspect it is the elephant in the room because discussing terminating a pregnancy would be far more upsetting to women desperately trying to conceive than discussing ttc would be upsetting to women who have an unwanted pregnancy.

But I also think it is still seen as a bit of a taboo because a huge percentage of women on MN will already have DC, and having a termination when you already have DC is imo not looked on as kindly as it would be if you were 22 and in a short relationship. I have seen some threads where posters are trying to convince the OP that they really can and should keep a pregnancy, even if the OP makes it clear that they don't want to.

There are occasional threads about abortion but there does tend to be a 'have the baby! You won't regret it' collection of posters.

Incidentally half of abortions are to women who already have children.

Yes - lots of posters saying "I felt like this, but I decided to have the baby and now everything is wonderful."

I actually have had a termination and started a thread about it as I was utterly panicking when I found out I was pg. Tellingly I only felt confident doing it under a different username, it's taken me a while to talk about it under my normal name. I was criticised for not using protection. The supportive messages I had came in the form of PM's - many posters weren't comfortable sharing their experiences publicly.

I understand that Thurlow. I happily will post my positive experience of a termination under my name because it was 10 yrs ago & I have no doubts whatsoever I made the right decision but I wouldn't open myself up to a discussion about whether I should/shouldn't in a situation where I would no doubt feel anxious and vulnerable and be less able to be thick skinned.

its talked about when people feel the need, and in the appropriate topics. You obviously haven't been paying much attention.

Well this is the Internet, and abortion is a very personal occurrence.
Not many people talk about abortion in real life either. It's such a complex issue, and many people have strong views, only tempered with time and experience.

The Internet is full of hairy truckers, and it's difficult to find support for this, unless by private messages. You never know who is posting, and some people deliberately trawl through discussion fora, and chat groups, on a proselytising mission to glad, flame and troll.

I think it's best to discuss abortion with a counsellor, explicitly trained to be comfortable with all the issues that come up, in a safe and non judgemental space, I'm not sure the Internet provides all that a woman with this issue requires and deserves.

Sorry, to goad, not glad, autocorrect gone mad.

It's one of the taboos subjects isn't it and ironically one of the times when women could do with the most support.

I always try and post honestly and supportively on any abortion threads I come across, I remember just how awful the decision making process was.

Until contraception is a water tight 100% for every woman and there is no rape, abuse or risky behaviour then abortion is a necessary evil.

Sometimes having a baby IS the worst thing that can happen to a woman, but that goes against the current cultural idolisation of motherhood. I sit here four years on from my own abortion very glad that the service was available to me, that it was quick and sterile and legal.

Yes I agree with Thurlow that the Conception board full of TTCers would not be the best place to discuss abortion.

I'm not sure I agree with Venus - I think people should feel free to discuss it elsewhere on MN if they find it helpful. Of course there is a risk of truckers and flamers but we know that and can choose if we want to take that risk. Otherwise, if nobody mentions it except behind closed doors, it remains a taboo and there is a continuing impression that it is something shameful, which it shouldn't be.

Because you get horribly judged?!

Been there done that.

Abortion for reasons not to do with medical reasons don't really fit in antenatal choices either though.

Oh I agree minipie, I think women should be able to discuss their experiences anywhere, and mumsnet may provide an anonymous outlet to discuss the most private and inner feelings. I am in no way saying that women who want to, could post on MN about this.

There is a danger however, if you are exposing a lot about yourself, and all of it is of such a deeply personal and sensitive nature, that the poster may well feel worse after posting because of flames and trolls, and judgy posters.

There are professional and caring services in real life that are available, and sometimes a face to face talk in safety might be the best thing initially, in order to process all the complex emotions that arise with such a psycho sexual and spiritual issue.

Well it is discussed but often ends up a debate between those who are pro choice and a few posters who are pro life and want to stop women having a choice.

I have posted on abortion threads and been supportive but I agree you do get posters saying 'oh it will be alright'. I always say to do what feels right and never feel you should feel guilty, abortion is a choice a legitimate and legal choice and as women we deserve bodily autonomy.

Sorry that should be that I'm saying in no way that women who want to, should not post.
I fully support any woman who walks this path, and her free choice to do so.

5madthings, exactly, some people just can't resist getting up on a soap box to proselytise their own opinion, when the OP has posted for support.

I used to be involved in a women's lobby group on a national level, and we never discussed abortion in the general meetings. It was found it was such an emotive issue, and as everyone had their own strongly held opinion, it would often turn into a bun fight.

Anyone there who might have needed support wasn't the primary concern of the soap boxers, so we didn't discuss it in the general, larger meetings.

It doesn't surprise me that posters who look for support on the threads, get the support in private messages. The anonymity the OP has sought for her own thread, also serves to mask the identity of those on their soap boxes.

OP, people post on the subject of termination in various places, depending on the context, but most regularly on Antenatal tests/choices. We're going to move that thread to there now, where we think you'l get more responses.

bealos- is there something you need to chat about? Mumsnet can be a bear pit, but you can always find some sympathetic voices. pm me if you like.