Unplanned and undecided, first time pregnancy at 29

[Wren84]

Hi

I'm 5 weeks today. My bf and I have been together just over a year and been using NFP for 4 months after having IUS removed, only had amennorhoea, so wasn't best NFP!

I'm 29, he's 38. We'd both said we'd like children 'someday'. I'm in a professional training post and he looks after a small business with on site accommodation where we both live (this is long-term temporary). I have a house I'm trying to sell, so we COULD find a suitable place together when it's sold. The dream eco-offgrid-sustainable dwelling...

Really, I'm excited about the idea of a baby, although disruptive to everything we know and do (both outdoor lifestyle fanatics), becoming a parent seems like the ultimate adventure.

But, should we have a TOP, and plan our future together, plan for a child when housing, careers, ?marriage, fitness goals and aspirations have been achieved? Would waiting another year be wiser?

What would you do, what did you do?

Wren

Honestly hun - go for it! Without going into too much detail, I got pregnant at 29 too and for various reasons me and my partner decided it wasn't the 'right time' so we said goodbye to our baby.
I don't want to try and sway you one way or another but the decision we made wasn't the right one and I regret it to this day. We are now married and expecting a baby due early May and soooo excited with a bitter sweet taste that we should have kept the first one.
If there is a way to cope and bring a child up with love and happiness do it. There is never a right time to have a baby but you will never regret having this one, honestly.
I hope this doesn't sound too strong and forceful but think long and hard about what you both want. You will come to the right decision. If you need to chat please get in touch.
love and best wishes xxx

if it is only a matter of another year, go for it.

if you REALLY want it.

All of that stuff is just stuff.
The thing is, you might never achieve any of it even without a baby. Or the goalposts might move once you have a child. Life is like that. You never know what is around the next corner.
I went for it and ive never regretted a single day.

Thank you for your positive messages.

I wanted to echo the other positive messages. No timing is ever perfect.

You are now pregnant (and using nfp so must have wanted it to some extent?).

I had my dd at a far from perfect timing, but everything fell into place.

I was 29, with my partner for only 20 months before getting pregnant and had literally just finished a professional qualifying/training post and was just starting a PQE job.

We had bought our house just 3 months before I knew we were pregnant. Was 6 weeks pregnant on the weekend we moved into our home (did £50 worth of pregnancy tests the week before and digital that morning) and I was stunned, stunned, stunned!!!

We were using condoms (... except for pregnant time and obv didn't withdraw fast enough!) and I was quite significantly underweight and would go 4-6 months between periods.

We decided that it was right for us - we would have been having a child together anyway and both of us really wanted the baby even though sooner than expected.

I def agree, no timing is ever exactly perfect. It worked out for us beautifully in the end and after constant comments from my mum "oh, please get married, get married for your family (meaning them -my parents are christian and were embarrassed)".

I continued to work a very long commute/ stressful job up to 35 weeks and went back for 8 months after a year of maternity ended.

Got married when DC 1 was 25 months and started to try for DC2 3 months later. They are arriving in 15 weeks.

Life didn't stop, it didn't really go too far off tangent and things always happen unexpectedly.

However, really, you do have choices and you are entirely allowed to do whatever is right for you.

Have a long think about pros and cons.

Again, not trying to sway you, it was a surprise but the best ever even though I was constantly batting off the "was it planned" and marriage comments. Im quite thick skinned when it comes to some things.

I had my dd at 18 and I'd just finished studying and gone straight into work. Things turned out really well it all kind of settles into place in time. I don't regret having her for one minute

As others have said there is never a right time. Ds was planned, but I still don't think we were ever really ready for it. Go for it, it's the best thing ever !