Article in Guardian Mag - fuming.

[peanuthead]

www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/sep/23/pregnancy-reduction-fertility-abortion-america

Am so angry I'm shaking - the author dares to compare the reduction of a twin pregnancy to a singleton one to termination for abnormalities. Apparently both are lifestyle choices. Speechless. There writes a woman who hasn't got a bloody clue.

I'm kind of sorry to share it but I don't know anyone else in RL who has been through this and I need to rant. If only I were more articulate I would be penning a response. I may well do when I have calmed down.

God what a stupid stupid stupid comparison to make.

And I quote

"In some ways, the reasons for reducing to a singleton are not so different from the decision to abort a pregnancy because prenatal tests reveal anomalies. In both cases, the pregnancies are wanted, but not when they entail unwanted complications ? complications for the parents as much as for the child. Many studies show the vast majority of patients abort foetuses after prenatal tests reveal genetic conditions such as Down's syndrome that are not life-threatening. What drives that decision is not only concern over the quality of life for the future child, but also the emotional, financial or social difficulty for parents of having a child with extra needs. As with reducing two healthy foetuses to one, the underlying premise is the same: this is not what I want for my life."

Oh wow Peanut! 'this is not want I want for my life' - as you say, the woman obviously hasn't a bloody clue and yet comes across as such an authority on the matter. Bit sad that rubbish like that gets published at all, and that people who read that would most likely think that it is somehow based on fact, when clearly it is anything but. Sadder still that she has most likely dedicated some time to come up with that rubbish. I'm normally one that's happy to put my thoughts across to try to increase understanding, but I'm afraid the only reply I could be bothered to formulate as a response to that article would be something like (excuse the language) "You know jack sHt, f*k off" I'm guessing it wouldn't get published though. Hope all is well with you xx

Hi Mishta
yes me too re response - I don't think I can just leave it be though. I am trying for something very concise and to the point.

I am well - I sometimes I have a read through the thread but it is a bit sad for me - all the other ladies with their beautiful children now. It's a long time since my heart baby. Actually it's his anniversary today - I just realised. I'm slowly coming to terms with only having one child. Very slowly. Love to you and your Bella (and your other daughters too of course!)

Yes - i think that untill you've been there and got the t shirt its ill advised to pontificate about the why's and wherefor's like that.

And even IF she has got the t shirt (which i doubt) it's still a load of crap! Rise above it peanut. Not everyone can understand properly what its like. Bloody annoying to see them making money out of philosophising about our pain though.

Oh peanuthead, thinking of you and your boy today. Was his name John? I think I remember you writing about his funeral.

I hate reading things like that article. So many people think they know what it's like to terminate a pregnancy you tried so hard to achieve and wanted so much, but they never will.

And to add, the author spectacularly misses the point. It is not "this is not what I want for my life" as if it's an inconvenience that doesn't fit in with the perfection you envisaged, it's "is this a life I can justify for my baby?".

Thanks Peanut. Love to you and yours also. Also thinking of you today (my yesterday). I was thinking his name was Ben (?). Am normally hopeless with names, but Ben is the name I have always thought of my boy as, though I never actually named him. I figured if Benjamin means 'son of right hand', then Ben must simply mean son (?).

Good luck with writing a response. I find it hard to be concise when discussing the reasoning of my decision, as if I were to say, for example 'I did what I thought was best for my baby/existing children' then unless I go into the details of that thought process, it can be misconstrued that I think people that go ahead with the pregnancy aren't doing what's best for their baby/existing children. Hope you come up with something you're happy with, as I know how it feels when you feel you can't just let something slide like that. That's how I felt about 'that' thread - couldn't stand all the speculation/guesswork/assumptions made by those who had no idea.
If you do write a response, be sure to post it here. Take care xx

God that is a f*cking annoying article. The comparison between termination for abnormalities to reduction of a twin to a singleton pregnancy is stupid, and citing lifestyle as the main reason for either is a bloody insult. I'm in the early stages of a twin pregnancy after IVF: before the embryo transfer my clinic were very keen to warn me of the risks (miscarriage and premature birth) of having twins. I asked for two to be transferred anyway and would never go for a reduction but I can totally see how someone might do that if they just want to maximise their chances of having a healthy baby.