Hello I'm currently 4month postpartum with my 3rd boy. For context this baby was not planned my other two are 12 and 9 this was a complete shock to me I did consider not going through with the pregnancy but couldnt bring myself to go through with it. I dont really know what im trying to achieve by writing this post i suppose im just looking for someone to talk to but I am miserable I dont want to he here anymore I totally regret having a 3rd child and I feel awful saying it but I've ruined my life is truly have. I have suicidal thoughts everyday. My baby has reflux and he wont be put down nor will he settle with anyone else so he's basically been in my arms for 4month I am tired I feel like I'm failing as a mam to all 3 of my children. I dont have alot of support i only have one real friend and she lives quite far away. I dont like leaving the house with him because he hates his pram and screams the full time he is so fussy with his bottles and every feeding time is an anxiety filled battle. I am utterly trapped and just want to end it all its the only way I feel like I'll get any rest. Sorry for any spelling or punctuation mistake I'm really not in the head space to check.