PND or just mat leave loneliness?

[Ancilotta]

Usually I read other people's posts first to find my answer, but I just really feel like I need to offload first.
I've felt this emotion building up and building up for a few weeks now and this morning totally the most stupid thing tipped me over the edge and here I am with tears in my eyes. I am on mat leave with DC2 and am just finding it so incredibly lonely. Admitting that is hard, as for weeks I've been putting on a brave face.
I can't work out if it's just because the days are emptier now without work and therefore I have more time to think or if it's something deeper. Then I can't help wonder if when I am actually at work if it's just one big distraction anyway and this depression or whatever you want to call it is always lurking.
Sorry if I'm not making much sense. I don't really know what I want to say but I do just want to scream!
I find myself so jealous of other mums in the playground chatting away and then every now I hear them mention something that they've done together out of school hours and I just wonder why haven't I been included, what is so offputting about me? Am I really sending out "go away from me" vibes? I try to chat and be friendly to as many people as I can but haven't really formed any friendships and it's starting to get to me now. Hell I don't even know if posting this is going to help but nothing to lose.

I found I really missed the company from work, chatting to other adults. And the tiredness is a massive part - you can react a bit more than usual to minor irritations when you are totally knackered.

I spent a lot of time feeling got-at, hard done by, the only one who was worrying about the children and sorting stuff out and rah rah rah. I was mostly very grumpy and tired, rather than actually depressed, IYKWIM

How old is DC2? Do they sleep?

That was a quick reply, thanks so much.
Sleep is so-so, been worse these past few weeks as DC2 (5m) is teething. I agree lack of sleep makes you snappy and irritable, I can definitely relate to that. I slap myself on the wrist though every time I see myself being irrational, but it just sort of comes out anyway.
I just really miss chatting. People. Contact. Anything. It isn't enough just chatting to my kids as wonderful as they are. I also find it depressing when I think "who have I spoken to today" and none of them are friends, no one has asked "how are you".
Do you think making friends just comes more easily to some than to others? I find myself having to make a massive effort, it doesn't feel natural at all at the moment. But the way I am now semi-friends would be better than no friends. I don't know, maybe the common ground of having kids isn't enough. I have never been great at small talk anyway.

Same here. I am not overly keen on people as such! But IME it is more lonely in a crowd you are not comfortable with, than on your own.

Are there any baby groups eg at a SureStart centre nearby ? I sometimes forced myself to go, even though the other mums were not really my type, because just to get out of the house, let the DC play and a change of scenery would help sometimes.

I remember going once feeling very fed up, one of the family support workers asked me how I was. I welled up and said I couldn't really talk because if I started I wouldn't stop. She very kindly left it at that, they don't harass you but if you want to chat they are very friendly and kind.

The friends I have made in the last few years have mostly been where the other person made most of the effort, TBH. I am trying to be a bit more proactive but I am quite happy with my own company 99% of the time. But it is nice to find someone to just bounce things off. Here is good for that too - for all the snippyness at times, there is usually someone to offer a shoulder when needed.

If you can, maybe try to go for a lunch out with some people you like from work, ideally without the baby. Nice to go out without a bag of nappies, have a chat and a laugh, be 'you' again for a couple of hours instead of just Bobby's Mum.

I did go to my local community centre a few times but like you, the kind of people there weren't my type so it just felt cringey and awkward.
I find the workers are really geared up to chat to you, they must have had some sort of PND awareness training or something, but then I can't help thinking "you're only talking to me because it's your job to". I suppose I am overly fussy, there you have it.
I mean maybe I am good at giving the impression everything's fine and I am loving motherhood (which on the whole I am) but it's that missing piece of the puzzle that bothers me day in day out.
It doesn't help when you compare yourself to others who seem to have amazing social lives. I met a woman the other week who was telling me about her Mon-Fri schedule, but she was totally into it and is obviously the sort of person who can make conversation with anyone. I am not like that. I tend to scan people in a room and pick out the ones I think I can connect to. God I sound like some sort of sociopath.
The baby group I started going to with DC2 I thought was terrific and could see myself making friends, but it hasn't happened. It's baby centred though, so you can easily go to the class, sing songs etc.. and not have to chat to anyone and then leave - which is what most people seem to do. No one says "hey does anyone fancy a coffee after class". I wish I'd done that at the beginning but now it seems a bit weird and I'm too shy to do it.
Gah. Mumsnet is great, but I tend to lurk and get upset if no one acknowledges my post! I mean if I've contributed to someone else's. Now that sounds so stupid. But I take it personally, like in the playground. Why am I being ignored?
I need to get a grip, I know I do.
Anyway Frieda, I hear what you're saying about being happy in your own company - I generally do, as I love crafting etc.. and can spend ages doing that, but I just have these fantastical visions of a life with kids, and with pals that just drop by and chat and cook and have coffee...but that never happens. Maybe that doesn't exist.

Sorry, it took me ages to write that last post (got interrupted). Luckily over Christmas I have a couple of non-baby things lined up, but they have been in my diary for ages and it seems like I have been waiting (and looking forward to them) for ages, like a saddo. Bet for everyone else they are just yet another social event, one of many.
But you're right, it should help. It bloody has to.

Gosh, an culottes (as iPhone has chosen to call you), I could have written your posts. I have just one dd though and can't be doing with craft . Will reply properly later...

An culottes . Cooking fat, tell me more!
I have to go out in a bit so will be back later this pm to see your post :)

Frieda - just read your MN prayer. Brilliant.

Thanks. It was Quote of the Week a long long time ago. I am a minor crafter too, knitting is my current thing. Am working on a couple of hats that out local lollipop lady has asked me to do for her at the moment.

Off out for a bit, but just letting off steam helps a bit.

We are all making it up as we go along. Every one of us. Remember that, and be kind to yourself. Don't speak to yourself/criticise yourself in a way you wouldn't speak to a friend - you need to be your own friend first. You can find critics any where you care to look, make sure that you are not one of them.

Have pmd you (turned into a list, sorry!).

I feel for you! I've always thought I was fairly friendly and easy to get on with and has friends etc and yet did not manage to make ANY 'mummy' friends before DD went to school. I've collected a few acquaintances and people to chat to - but the cosy coffee mornings and playing with other tots completely eluded me! I felt - and still feel sometimes, that there must be something wrong with me (maybe there is...) but coming on MN has made me realise my experience was by no means unique.
DD is at school now and I'm volunteering to help with the PTA and that has helped me get to know other Mums better and I'm hopeful that friendships may arise from that in time.

Frieda - I haven't knitted since I was a kid, but would like to get into it again. Do you got to any knitting groups, stitch and bitch (just love that name)? Post your pics won't you, of your finished wares.
Glad it's not just me then who looks upon the "cosy coffee morning" as something of a bit of a myth. I long for it, but maybe it's just a fantasy.
Good luck with your PTA work, I hope you find some like-minded friends :)

Sorry, meant to say Beamur for the second part.

Hi Ancilotta,
Just wanted to say I know how you feel, I find the day can be really long at home, and I am also crap at making friends! It's good to hear that someone else is in the same boat! Are you going back to work at all? I am, and even though I'm looking forward to it, I'm also worried about how tired I'll be, and guilty about leaving DD (5m).