Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For thinking DP is being a bit of a wimp?

29 replies

Panscrub · 08/11/2009 09:14

We're going to Florida next year and I promised DSD that we would ditch the boys one day (including DP, thinking he could take the boys out somewhere 'boyish') and we would go shopping around the mall.

She was really excited but DP says no way. He says it's far too dangerous for me to go off on my own in a 'foreign country' and anything could happen.

I said it's America, not bloody Iraq but he's adament that he doesn't want us splitting up.

I've been to America soley on my own before and I think he's being a bit ridiculous.

He wanted to go to the space centre and I didn't, I suggested he go and I'd do something else and he went in a mood saying I wanted to 'leave him on his own in a strange country' and it was too dangerous etc.

He's never been abroad before, could this explain his OTT fear or being split up? I think its a bit wimpy for a bloke to be scared of being on his own personally.

AIBU?

OP posts:
tinkerbellesmuse · 08/11/2009 09:20

If he is worried for himself then I suppose he is not being unreasonable (although perhaps a little strange). He cannot help it if he is a nervous traveller.

If he is worried for you then he is being ridiculous.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 08/11/2009 09:33

He's nervous himself and trying to turn it onto you because he's embarrassed. Bless.
He has to get over it, it's the US, they speak english, he has a mouth to ask for help should he need it, and I think your idea is very sensible. Why should DSD and you have to go somewhere you don't want if he's more than capable of taking the boys?

edam · 08/11/2009 09:37

He is being completely daft. Can you google and show him lots of info about where you were going?

Ask him what he'd do if he got lost in this country somewhere he's never been before - and point out it's exactly the same in the US!

whooshspicemonster · 08/11/2009 09:40

Precisely what dangers does he feel are out there that he will protect you from

Original poster
Panscrub · 08/11/2009 09:45

He says "there's guns in America"

I say "there's guns in England!"

We're far more likely to get mugged living where we do than in that part of Florida anyway!

You have more chance of being killed in London than you have in Florida.

Unless of course you rub an alligator up the wrong way, I suppose.

OP posts:
whooshspicemonster · 08/11/2009 09:48

Yes there are guns in America. But again - what exactly does he think he's going to do to protect you from guns? You're not more likely to get shot if he isn't around.

edam · 08/11/2009 09:49

Don't remind him about the alligators, he'll get even more nervous!

Get a box set of old Golden Girls episodes, then play it on a loop until he gives in and confesses Florida is not particularly dangerous...

Original poster
Panscrub · 08/11/2009 09:52

lol He's actually looking forward to the alligators. I think he's under the impression that they just potter around the streets like stray dogs

I know he's the one that's scared and like someone else said, he's trying to put it onto me so he doesn't look bad.

I would quite happily spend a week in New York on my own, it wouldn't bother me. This shocks him and he says I have a death wish.

OP posts:
primarymum · 08/11/2009 09:53

Crikey, I spent a week alone in Miami a couple of years ago, including wandering round shopping malls, the harbour and beaches and popping down to local restuarants for a meal, I never once felt worried, tell him not to be such a wimp!

Original poster
Panscrub · 08/11/2009 09:56

Oh I would love that Primarymum! Sounds lovely!

OP posts:
whooshspicemonster · 08/11/2009 10:01

I guess if you're not going for a while, then you could put this discussion on hold until you get there. Once he arrives and realises it's more Golden Girls than Miami Vice, he migh relax a bit.

I can sort of understand his POV - the Floria that is portrayed on tv/film doesn't really look very family friendly (apart from GG of course but, being a bloke, I suspect he's probably seen rather fewer episodes of that than I have )

Honeypeckle · 08/11/2009 10:25

He is being a bit wimpy!! I can understand him bit a bit nervous if he has never been abroad before but it is only America.

Can you maybe make a few rules, like say you'll both have mobiles turned on and send a text every few hours to say that your OK and have spent all his money shopping!

Tee2072 · 08/11/2009 10:47

As an American I am giggling at the thought that American is any more dangerous than London.

Perhaps if you remind him of the deals you'll get (provided the exchange rate is still so favourable towards Sterling next year) he'll be glad to have you go shopping without him!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 08/11/2009 10:47

Panscrub

He is being ridiculous and dare I say controlling to boot (using his fear and insecurity to stop you going somewhere). Make sure that you and DSD go to the mall.

BTW does he show such tendencies at home; does he dislike you going out without him for instance?.

Original poster
Panscrub · 08/11/2009 11:06

Attila, yes he's the same at home. Hates me going anywhere without him and when I complain he makes out that he feels I'm embarrassed to be seen with him etc when really, I just sometimes like to go out on my own! It drives me nuts.

OP posts:
skidoodle · 08/11/2009 11:15

If it's that dangerous then really you'd better not go at all. He is being vu.

You are being kind if unreasonable by not wanting to go to the space centre

Malificence · 08/11/2009 11:24

For god's sake don't let him read the Orlando sentinel online then!
You'll never get him off the plane - there's a shooting at the Florida mall every week.

Tell him to grow up or you'll drive him out and dump him on the orange blossom trail.

I know Orlando like the back of my hand, he's being very silly.
You could always stay onsite at Disney and never leave, he would feel truly safe and protected there, unless he's afraid of mice Shove him on the tower of terror and then run away!

bluejeans · 08/11/2009 11:33

YANBU plus when on holiday as a family it's always good to split up and do different things sometimes- doing everything in a big group is exhausting!

Firawla · 08/11/2009 11:40

yanbu he is being extremely OTT.
Splitting up sounds a good idea, its not like you said you will split for the whole holiday just one day to do girls things and boys things would be nice

nattiecake · 08/11/2009 15:05

wish i had your problem, my other half is forever disappearing on his own to explore when we are away!!

edam · 08/11/2009 17:29

Panscrub, I think you may have a real problem there if he's just as bad at home. Attila's right, sounds very controlling. Be wary. Stand up for yourself NOW or it will get much harder.

His behaviour is not normal. At all.

borderslass · 08/11/2009 17:32

That would drive me crazy i've been with hubby over 20 years and we live lives quite independant of each other if we didn't we'd kill each other.

junglist1 · 08/11/2009 18:33

and if he's scared of being without you. I feel like pinching his ickle cheeks

Feelingforty · 08/11/2009 19:55

when are you going & how old is DSD ? We should meet up !!

I'm flying to Florida next summer with my 2 DD's, then my DH is coming out 10 days later.

We went this year & I often drove off in the car on my own, on shopping trips.

I'm sure as soon as he arrives & realises it's a NOT a ghetto, he slacken the reins

blinder · 08/11/2009 20:10

good grief Panscrub you are all over the place. How many completely different, yet provocative situations have you got in your life?

infidelity, violence, Florida...