Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think maybe I should change a bit?

23 replies

mummyof1butnotforlong · 27/10/2009 11:12

I have always been a pink lady! I like girly clothes, girly stuff, whole house is a homage to Kath Kidson.

At our mums and kids group the other day we were talking about what we thought everyones bump would turn out to be ie, boy or girl. We have been together for 2 years so everyone knows each other well.

I have 1 little boy already.

Anyway, one of the mums said "oh I really think your have a girl next"

"Everyone has the 'right' gender so far.....but it seems odd you having a little boy"

She wasn't saying it horribly or anything but it has made me think a bit.

I dress DS in very 'soft' clothes, I like him in unisex clothes and I guess he wears the 'sweet boy' type clothes IYSWIM.

His toys are wooden, lots of non typical boys toys, a cooker, dolls pushchair, I always buy a mix of colours. I guess in part because I want to keep my house 'girly' but also because I think why does he have to be 'hard' and wear slogens everywhere??

I am 99% sure our next baby is going to be a boy and I am very happy but in a way dreading the comments people will say.

Should I change a bit???

OP posts:
Morloth · 27/10/2009 11:16

Nah, I have no intention of changing our house if we have a girl to be more feminine so I don't see why you should change yours to be more masculine.

I went into Kath Kidson with a friend the other day, it is like a whole different world!

Kids don't care either way, you should suit yourself.

posieparksherbroom · 27/10/2009 11:18

As long as you're not really making choices for your son and the toys he has are the ones he likes then I see no problem!

whoooooisasking · 27/10/2009 11:18

What does your DH think?

My DS2 had lots of unisex toys, a little cooker and whatnot, but I never gave him things to fit into the decor of the house, TBH that seems a little weird to me.

Also, not too sure what you mean about your DS wearing "soft" clothes? My boys never wore t-shirts that said "I'm HARD"

CaresMildly · 27/10/2009 11:20

Absolutely not - you like what you like and your children will like what they like. So long as you don't foist your preferences on them then you can all be true to yourselves and happy.

Lulumama · 27/10/2009 11:20

absolutely not !! are you happy? is your boy happy?

don't change because it makes other people feel better

i have a girl, she is not a girly girl, she much prefers, since she could choose her clothes, dark colours, her favourite outfit is a black tutu, black & grey leggings and a black and grey top. no pink for her !

not all girls are pink and girly

my son also had a dolls pram, cooker etc..

they both had toys they wanted , whether or not they fitted the gender expectations

Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 27/10/2009 11:26

I don't think I impose on purpose what his toys will be, but if I have the choice between two toys of the same variety, I will choose the one that looks best in our home IYSWIM.

By 'soft' clothes I mean not rough looking style......that sounds terrible....but I mean.....think petit bateau style......

OP posts:
PoisonToadstool · 27/10/2009 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DorotheaPlentighoul · 27/10/2009 11:35

Please don't feel you should change because of other people's random comments. Only try to change if you feel in yourself that perhaps you are not being the parent you want to be.

I don't think your approach to your DS's toys or clothes sounds like a problem -- in fact, it would be good if more people had gender-neutral toys for their little DSs. As long as he is happy and as long as you're willing to take his personal preferences into account when he is old enough to express them, then fine.

mumblechum · 27/10/2009 11:38

Just so long as you realise that when your ds is 3 he WILL start making guns out of sticks and lego and WILL be a boy no matter what, and be happy with that, too.

A neighbour of ours brought her ds up in a very non-boy way and it's caused him a lot of grief.

lisianthus · 27/10/2009 11:46

You sound fine to me. The main thing, for me, is that you accept him however he is, which you certainly seem to do.

He will always be "a boy". What "being a boy" means is not set in stone, and is completely up to him. If he turns out to be a gentle, sensitive, poetic sort, that's just as fine, and just as masculine as if he turns out to be a toy-gun-toting, loud type of boy.

Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 27/10/2009 11:48

mumblechum what do you mean? "it's caused him a lot of grief"

The gun thing though is different, I would not allow my DS to think playing guns was ok. I wouldn't let any child of mine boy or girl do that. We already have lots of duplo and lego, a little tool kit etc. I'm not saying I don't like boy toys, just that I want him to have a range of toys that work in our home. If he wants a drum kit when he is 5, fine........but it will live in the garage!

I kind of also think that as mum you should dress in whatever makes you feel good. I like to look girly......that's not to say I won't put on a pair of wellies and a gillet to watch him play football when he is older.....I have seen a fab pair of pink Hunters this year!

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 27/10/2009 11:54

"but also because I think why does he have to be 'hard' "

Well just as long as you don't object when/if he wants to be 'hard'. And like non-girly things.

Sorry but have to at "I guess in part because I want to keep my house 'girly'" That sounds pretty awful to me TBH. What happens when the children want messy old lego and leave muddy football boots and sratched grubby skateboards about? Cos that can happen if you have either gender...

I think there might be a problem if you see your child as an extension of your 'girly' house.

Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 27/10/2009 11:57

But shouldnt children learn to look after thir home? i.e. muddy shoes in the porch, skateboards in the garage, lego gets put away afterwards??

I would have thought that had nothing to do with gender?

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 27/10/2009 12:00

Oh and just to add I do teach Reception children and they love looing after their classroom. So I do get mess, lots of it! They are also really good at packing away too!

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 27/10/2009 12:01

sorry 'looking'

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 27/10/2009 12:01

Yes as I said. Either sex can be messy. But I do see it as a bit of a problem if you insist on keeping your house in a certain way and you have children. They don't always follow the rules. And I suspect that your DS is quite young. 'Putting things away' becomes more of a battle when they are older and there is more than one. If you dictate they way they are and behave according to your decor that is quite strange IMO.

However to answer your OP, no, you don't have to change but maybe your expectations do.

nearlybeans · 27/10/2009 12:03

Sounds like you live in a novel.

fledtoscotland · 27/10/2009 12:05

I wouldnt say you have to change but it does seem a bit odd to buy toys to fit into the scheme of your home. I buy toys that my boys will like (they have a hoover, toy kitchen, pushchair, lots of cars, megablocks). I dont see toys as being gender-specific. I also hate babies in jeans and logos.

Your friend has made a strange comment about having children that are the "right gender". Am not really sure if there is a "wrong gender".

If both you and your DS are happy, why change it but do consider if you are buying toys you like rather than ones he wants to play with.

BiteOfFun · 27/10/2009 12:05

I mis-read that as "hovel", and thought "Blimey, that's a bit harsh!"

OrmIrian · 27/10/2009 12:07

LOl me too bof and I thought it was aimed at me (Actually it would have been quite accurate atm).

boodeniites · 27/10/2009 12:15

its Cath Kidston by the way

nearlybeans · 27/10/2009 12:20

LOL - really ought to go and tackle my own hovel.. The OP has really rather put me off though - I'm feeling a bit rebellious

Original poster
mummyof1butnotforlong · 27/10/2009 16:43

Thanks for your comments
Now get back to the cleaning nearlybeans!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread