In not accepting an invitation to lunch at a (seriously) posh restaurant?

[MrFibble]

...with my nearly 2 yo DS, 6 yo DD and DH in order to meet some distant relatives of DH whom I have never met and whom I will never meet again?

DS will not sit still for more than about 12 seconds - he has the equivalent destructive force of a tornado. A Michelin star restaurant is not the place for him. We've suggested compromises (kiddy friendly pizza place, we get a babysitter and leave DS behind, dinner at home etc) but MIL wants us ALL to go to a "posh" restaurant.

So AIBU to say no and to stay at home with DS and to let DH and DD go?

I've been in similar situations in not so posh restaurants with my 2 very active children when they were younger. It's not a lot of fun for anyone involved in my opinion. You could opt to meet them all for a stroll in the park afterwards and then they don't miss out on meeting you and your ds and you don't miss out on meeting them.... also MIL might understand your worries if you suggest a compromise!

You are absolutely not BU.

Have you explained the reason why you don't want to go to this posh restaurant? If so, and they still won't compromise, I'd be inclined to sit back with a clear conscience and let DH and DD go instead.

Better still, why don't you and DS go treat yourselves at the pizza place while they are out!!!

Just take them and let MIL deal with the merry chaos while you get on with meal- put 2yo in highchair beside MIL and sit on other side of table.

Saying that. At 2 mine would have all sat quite well in a highchair as long as there was food on the go and I had some other toys/snacks/juice etc. The 6yo should be fine!

YANBU - your MIL is being an idiot suggesting a Michelin starred restaurant for a 2yo. Unless your MIL is somehow going to be the one who has to "cope" with DS (which presumably ain't going to happen!), then she should either pick somewhere sensible, or accept that you and DS are not going to be able to attend.

Sorry... you HAVE suggested compromises, ignore that last remark!!

If your DS is not placatable with toys/food of his choice then YANBU. Every child is different and with suitable bribes ours would have been fine at that age and the better the restaurant the better they deal with it (not that we got to try it in an actual Michelin-starred place, as no-one else would pay and if we are paying we would rather go by ourselves )

We did have one spectacularly stressful meal in a very calm, quiet restaurant in France with ~18mo DS, but to be fair to him it did become clear 24 hours later that he had chicken pox.

Which one, BTW? If it was (for example) the Manoir au Quat' Saisons I might go for it anyway because you could always take DS outside if needed and the staff would not so much as raise an eyebrow.

oooooh dear

Dad did this for my DB's 40th. Beautiful place. Absolutely beautiful. Lovely food. And an 18m old and a 3yr old (DS#1 and DN). It was hard work and they didn't much care for the food. But the restaurant was quite empty so we didn't annoy to many customers. The waitresses smiles were wearing thin by the time we left mind you.

YANBU i would rather pull my teeth out than have taken my 2.8years to a Michellin starred restaurant they way she used to be and can be now. No way! Why dont you take ds and yourself out somewhere else and join them later.

DD would have been fine at that age and we did, in fact, take her to all sorts of places as she would behave impeccably. DS on the other hand leaves a trail of destruction behind him. Think of Looney Toons' Tasmanian Devil.

Am glad to hear that I am not being unreasonable. We will explain again why we cannot take DS along and I will enjoy some quality one on one time with him .

I would not relish the prospect of Michelin * and toddlers.

Can you ring the restaurant and check whether children are welcome?

BTW - Has anyone checked to see if the restaurant takes children this young?

I just couldn't do it to the other diners. Can you imagine? You go out for a slap up lunch and sit next to a table where a little tinker is busy destroying anything he can as fast as he can whilst being followed by anxious / embarrassed parent trying to clear up the mess and prevent the next disaster?

Actually, I don't think I could do it to myself!

Twinsmommy - good point! I will check and add that to my list of reasons.

YANBU - sounds my idea of hell.

DS1 is 2 and can barely sit still long enough to eat at home let alone a posh restaurant. If MIL is still insistent, why not do a trial run in a family friendly restaurant (eg pizza place) and then she can see for herself how the meal could turn out

Good luck

Would smile, nod, pretend to agree, book a babysitter and just turn up without DS be an option, do you think? (can you tell that greedy reluctance to miss out on my own yummy meal would be my over-riding consideration in this situation ?)

YANBU but just because a restaurant is smart / Michelin starred doesn't mean it isn't child friendly. Locanda Locatelli are nice like that, for example.

If it were me I would contact the restaurant before hand to see what their policy on young children are - I have found that a lot of places are far more accomodating than you think and also Michelin star restaurants are constantly bringing out food (bread, 'amuse bouche' etc...) so if your DS is a gannet like mine I would not be too stressed.

As stealthsquiggle said there are places in that league which are more child friendly than others!

I've been to this place before and they are extremely pompous IYSWIM.

Must go - DS has just spread cold baked banana all over sofa. Oh the joys of an active toddler!!

Which restaurant is it?

Does he still sleep in day? If so I'd be inclined to let your DH and DD go, drive him around for an hour or so while he sleeps then join them for dessert and coffee?

yanbu. Say it would be too stressful but maybe you could go to the get-together at someone's house afterwards

If they are pompous then call and ask and they will probably say "no under 10's" or something similar - job done for you.

However 'baby friendly' the restaurant was, DS was not at all amenable to sitting still for longer than it took to eat enough to take the edge off his appetite. No mater what toys were provided. And he had so little interest in food.
YANBU. If your children are like DS was it would be a very expensive miserable experience.

Your compromises are all so very sensible, your mil is being absurd to insist on a particular posh pompous restaurant. I can understand why she'd like your ds to be there, the relatives are probably keen to meet the whole family. Could you research other options (e.g. nice gastropub with garden)? Whereabouts in the country are you?

The proposed restaurant is the Clairefontaine in Luxembourg - v. good but sh*te for a veggie like me although the rest of my family are all omnivores so they'd enjoy it. Anyway, DH has now dug in his heels and is refusing to go. We'll find some sort of compromise but will no doubt hear ad infinitum ad nauseum, "I just don't understand why you didn't come...."

Sorry must go and clean baked banana off sofa and out of hand held vacuum cleaner. Let this be a warning - don't MN leaving a toddler unsupervised....