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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want dh to consider a job that involves a 20% cut in salary!

19 replies

dontwantbigholeinfinances · 03/08/2009 11:20

Ok - namchanged - Dh may have the opportunity to apply for a job in a location and role that we would both really like him to be able to go for but it's looking like it would be two bands below his current band. The bottom of that band is 40% below his salary atm, the top is 20% below.

AIBU to tell him that if the banding is this low that he is overqualified for the blasted job. AIBU to think this level of drop just isn't on with three children to raise? We have a reasonable mortgage that is comfortable atm, 1 holiday a year and no savings at all. I work full time but have a huge childcare bill which my salary covers with precious little to spare. I just don't see how we'd do it without making sacrifices that I don't want to make.

Dh would be away from home less in this possible role which obviously is a plus but it just seems like too much of a drop, makes me very anxious just thinking about it and then I feel mean - like I'm holding him back

Perspectives please!

OP posts:

delilahbelle · 03/08/2009 11:29

Hmm

This is hard. If he's away from home less will you be making any savings in commuting/travel expenses?
Would DH be able to take up any of the childcare and save you money that way?
Any chance of him asking for more money that is advertised?

Money is always a worry, and I guess only you will be able to balnce out the drop in income against the increase in happyness your DH would get from the new role.

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 03/08/2009 11:31

Is his salary likely to rise up again, and if so how quickly?

Cadmum · 03/08/2009 11:31

As you mention location as one of the features, I was wondering if it involed a move. If so, is the price of living in the new location lower?

We are currently struggling with similar questions at the moment as my dh hates his job but his dream career does not pay well and is located in one of the world's most expensive cities...

Does your dh know how you feel?

Pacita · 03/08/2009 11:32

It's a tricky one. Is his current job jeopardised in any way, or is this just an itchy feet kind of move? In the current climate, you can't really sniff at any decent jobs, quite frankly.

On the other hand, I would also feel anxious about money, and unwilling to make sacrifices that you don't need to make.

Good luck - like I said, a tricky one. It may all be resolved by your DH not getting the job though, applying does not always mean he's going to get the job.

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 03/08/2009 11:33

Do you recieve tax credits? Would there be an increase that would make up some of the shortfall?

Original poster

dontwantbigholeinfinances · 03/08/2009 11:42

We earn too much for tax credits to be a factor. Yes, he does know how I feel and he's ok with it - just feels he shouldn't be greedy and proud about his worth. I don't think we are being - just don't want to go backwards and with three kids to raise I don't think we can afford to - though I know it's all relative. We won't starve but our quality of life would be impaired as would our future plans. I feel so selfish just typing that though.

No he wouldn't be able to do any of the childcare.

We wouldn't have to move and whilst he wouldn't be commuting the costs saved would only be about a third of what we would lose in salary. The problem is the industry operates on very strict bands, there's no scope to be paid more - your band is your band and that's it. So his salary won't rise by more than cost of living EVER. In about 10 years he would be earning what he's earning now.

It's definately an itchy feet type thing. His current job is ok for now - that could change but hasn't yet.

OP posts:

gingernutlover · 03/08/2009 11:44

before he applies for the job sit down and discuss it

work out exactly what would be coming in and what would be going out

a while back me and dh did this and we worked out that unfortunatly things would have to stay as they were for a bit, ours was mainly based on huge cost of childcare too. How old are you children and will things be different in a couple of years time when they are all at school maybe?

I think it has helped dh to know that there is the chance of changing things jobwise, maybe not right now, but in a years time when dd goes to school

Karam · 03/08/2009 11:45

Depends... Do you need the extra money? Would he prefer the new job?

I took a huge pay cut to do the job I love. I don't regret it for a minute because I get up and enjoy going to work each day! Even though for me it means that I have to work 3 days a week in my new job, earning the same as I earnt working 2 days a week in my old job. I'm happy to take the cut because I am so much happier. But we didn't need the money.

Personally, I think there are far more important things in life than money... If it would improve your lives then I personally would jump at it and not look back. I think you need to look at the bigger picture and think about how it would enhance or hinder your life as a whole. To me, these are the things that make you happy not money (unless of course it is money you need to survive, as struggling financially is no fun, and that would not enhance your life imho!).

gingernutlover · 03/08/2009 11:46

well said Karam

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 03/08/2009 11:54

You aren't being selfish - you are understandbly concerned, because you would be outside of your comfort zone and what you've become accustomed to.

You are trying to look at the bigger picture but it's diffucult when you only have your current circumstances to draw experience from.

What you need to do is take a more philosophical approach. Is it better to regret something you've done, and work through it, or to spend your life regretting that you had never taken the chance?

You say your future plans would be impaired, but who knows what the future holds? Maybe you will get a better paid job. Maybe the things you think you want to do in the future may change in 2 years time.

Another way of thinking might be this: Imagine your DH lost his current job tomorrow and he had no income. Then he was offered this new job. You would see it for the opportunity it really is!

I'm not trying to sway you, but just offering an alternative way of thinking about the situation.

I understand it's a hard decision to make

meemarsgotabrandnewbump · 03/08/2009 11:58

Also agree with Karam. The good that comes from personal satisfaction and happiness should never be underestimated.

You may discover you have a much happier DH and begin to enjoy things that don't cost as much money.

readyfornumber2and3 · 03/08/2009 12:07

another one who agrees with Karam. Job satisfaction and more time as a family are priceless in many ways.
I dont think you are being selfish wanting to maintain your lifestyle either though.

Another way to look at is how would you feel if your DH pressured you to stay in a role you werent so keen on because of money?

Its a very difficult time with the economy and I think many people are thinking twice about moving from stable jobs (well as stable as can be) but you should sit down and work out the exact incomings and out goings as you may be able to make up the difference in travel costs and childcare if DH is closer and hom more? and then once you know if you can afford to do it or not you need to discuss with DH which job HE would prefer and go from there

Ripeberry · 03/08/2009 12:15

And as someone mentioned earlier, once your eldest children start school, the cost of childcare will come down a LOT! You just may have a couple of years when you might not be able to go on foreign holidays, but at least your DH will be doing something he loves and maybe have less stress as well.
Very hard decision, but you do need to list out all the pros and cons and see how it 'could' change in a couple of years.

slowreadingprogress · 03/08/2009 12:59

If it means your children will have their father at home alot more, it's a no brainer IMO

Childhood and fatherhood are precious things. A father's presence MATTERS to children and what you he and they will gain from his increased time with them will far, far outweigh some material sacrifices.

I do understand that you're not in that comfortable a position, no savings etc but tbh it's not different to most. I think it's about priorities.

Your kids won't remember whether you had a new fridge or something when they were 8 but they may well remember all their lives something that dad was there to do with them!

Mybox · 03/08/2009 13:03

Wouldn't go for a drop in salary by that much - is there anything alse he can apply for? At the end of the day he may enjoy the job but the stress of money worries is too great to balance this out imho.

stoppinattwo · 03/08/2009 13:11

20% salary drop of what?...it all depends upon what his salary is to start off with.

20% of 20k, i could live with, 20% of 100k...well probably not.

I do think you need to do the maths to see if you can practically manage as it is pointless consdiering it of you cant pay the bills (dont forget that you can also cut out luxuries when considering the maths).....however if the maths does work then you can look at quality of life and job satisfaction.

And dont just look short term...look at how long it will be until you dont need to rely on child care....

Take a step back from your gut reaction and look at it objectively....good luck

ReallyReally · 03/08/2009 13:48

I would be quite happy to be honest if dh wanted to go for a job with less money if it meant he was home more and was happy

mind you having said that we earn very little precisely because we have put quality of life before money

"if the banding is this low that he is overqualified for the blasted job" - that depends on the industry to be honest. In the sectors that we work in, pay is low across the board, and dh is working at a level that would be paid far higher in another industry. Thing is, he wants to work in the industry he's in, so that's fine. Money isn't always an indicator of 'worth' more of the financial 'pull' of that particular sector.

It's a difficult question to answer on a message board because it is hard for someone like me, who has savings, holidays, and lives quite comfortably, even though I am well within the lowness of income required for tax credits, to quite understand the nature of the 'sacrifices' that you mention.

pasturesnew · 03/08/2009 13:52

I think you have to let him consider it. Who knows, he might not like it anyway when he goes for interview. Or he might like it and then change his mind after a year or two. But of course you have every right to explain your concerns about money etc., you might need a contingency plan e.g. if he were a teacher could he take on extra marking at home from time to time? Same way one of us might agree to do tupperware / Ann Summers etc. parties or whatever if necessary?

cocobongo · 04/08/2009 15:19

I think the other thing to bear in mind is what level he would be likely to start at. In most places, you start at the botom of the salary band and work your way up (particularly if the industry is as fixed as you said with regards to salary banding). so it sounds as though he is likely to be on 40% less rather than 20% less. and even if he does manageto get paid at the top level, it also suggests that he won't be able to increase his salary for quite some time after starting the role.

i would suspect that 20% would be do-able and worth it in terms of happiness & getting to spend more time with the family, but 40% would be a stuggle.

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