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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is taking the piss

41 replies

mynamewasgone · 14/06/2009 15:24

There is a friend i know from school and we have children of the same age, 9 and 11. We often arrange for the children to spend time at each others houses so they can play.

One of us will generally phone the other and ask if they want to send the kids down for a couple of hours, we live at opposite ends of the same very long street, I'm talking about 200 house between us. So quite a way but we let the kids walk down on their own.

I was planning on having a relaxing afternoon today but at 12 her DC just turned up at my house, no prior warning. DD let them in as I was in the shower. By the time I came down and realised they were here the girls were on the computer and the boys were playing football in the garden.

They hadn't eaten so have had to feed them when making lunch for us.

I'm just think its really taking the piss to send your kids to play in somebody elses house without asking first. Its not like they live across the road and can nip home for toilet, drinks etc. It means that I have now been basically lumbered with her kids for the afternoon.

If she had asked I wouldn't have minded so much but I just hate been taken for granted!!

OP posts:
Tortington · 14/06/2009 15:25

send them back with a message that you have a headache

BitOfFun · 14/06/2009 15:27

At that age they might have just taken it upon themselves to call round. I wouldn't get the hump too quick if I were you. You could phone her and say "Do you know your children are round here? I need to send them back now because we have plans for today."

Or seethe in silence. Your call!

ilovesprouts · 14/06/2009 15:28

YANBU

Original poster
mynamewasgone · 14/06/2009 15:30

I could just send them back couldn't I. Feel mean on the DC though

I really do having a headache, it arrived about the same time as they did

OP posts:
JJsandcat · 14/06/2009 15:30

Would advice to check the door first & not open. Or if you'd like to get your point across, after an hour of fun & games I'd say to her kids, Look, I have to do this and that with my dc so I'm afraid you'll have to leave now but pls say hi to your Mum and tell her to call me.

I'm sure she'll get the point.

Does this happen often? If not, I guess I'd let it lie.

TrinityRhino · 14/06/2009 15:31

I reckon at that age they have just decided to come and play on thier own
just call and say sorry I have plans for this afternoon

Rubyrubyrubyinthegame · 14/06/2009 15:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JJsandcat · 14/06/2009 15:31

cross post with BitOfFun, think she's right. Don't go in guns blazing too quickly.

TheDevilWearsYFronts · 14/06/2009 15:33

I'd be delighted your children can still do that without parents ushering them up to the front door and asking the other parent for a CRB check.

Plus now she owes you, do the same next weekend and enjoy the peace!

Rubyrubyrubyinthegame · 14/06/2009 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 14/06/2009 15:35

But surely you will have a much more relaxing afternoon if your children have people to play with?

You could, of course, dig a moat and construct a drawbridge, but it does seem to be a slighly extreme measure to stop your children's friends popping round!

unknownrebelbang · 14/06/2009 15:36

Wot BOF said.

I do expect to know where my DC are, I don't expect to pre-arrange everthing (they are a similar age).

ginormoboobs · 14/06/2009 15:37

Send them home.
We have a child who does that and I send him home. Most of the time he has left the house without asking!

DesperateHousewifeToo · 14/06/2009 15:47

Send them all (your children too) back to their house just before tea time

Uriel · 14/06/2009 15:54

So you've had them for four hours now? Enough - send them home!

seeker · 14/06/2009 16:47

Why can't they just stay and play? It's no big deal is it? Or am I missing something?

curiositykilled · 14/06/2009 17:48

Let the kids play and call the mum to have a friendly chat about how you feel. It might've been a genuine mistake and is not the children's fault. It sounds like a good relationship you have going with the mum and it'd be a shame to mess it up but you do need to assert yourself (gently) about your feelings.

NormaSknockers · 14/06/2009 17:55

Are they still there?

psychomum5 · 14/06/2009 18:09

surely this is their home too??

my children don;t have to arrange everything when friends come and play now they are older, and I wouldn;t think about checking with other mums either......once they are over the age of having to be supervised, I let them play unless we have plans.

and if mine went to their friends and the mum didn;t want, I would expect them to be told it wasn;t convenient and for them to come home again.

seeker · 14/06/2009 18:24

I agree, psycho - I'm always finding unexpected children lying around the place! So long as they don't eat anything I was saving for myself or expect me to entertain them they can stay as long as they like.

Stayingsunnygirl · 14/06/2009 18:26

I agree with you, psycho. My dses' friends often turn up on the doorstep, either to ask them out to play or to come here and play. Generally it doesn't bother me because it means that they are all entertained. If I'm making a meal for my dses, and I've got enough, I'll offer to feed the visitors, but if I don't have enough in, I'll say so.

The boys will also go round to their friends houses to see if they want to play, and I've made it clear that they can only do so if it is alright with the other child's parents. I'd also be perfectly happy if one of my dses came home and said that their friend's mum had sent them home because the family had plans or it was lunchtime.

What bugs me is that my boys tend to go a bit wild when they have friends over - I think that they just get carried away and it can go a bit too far sometimes, but I think that's probably normal, and the boys know that they have to be responsible, to a certain extent, for their friends' behaviour and should exercise a bit of restraint themselves.

SlartyBartFast · 14/06/2009 18:27

perhaps they lied to their parents?
said it was ok?

Original poster
mynamewasgone · 14/06/2009 18:27

They left at 5 oclock! I phoned the other mum just after first posting on here and she wasn't in (or wasn't answering her phone)

I don't mind kids turning up to ask DC to play out, but because these other children have been here alot before they expect to come in and then I have a house full or children creating chaos!

Its the fact that they hadn't even eaten either. The youngest of the children is a bit cheeky and kept mithering. "can I have a sandwhich.....have you got any crisps....."

I probably am being unreasonable but Im 7 months pregnant and after weeks of chaos I was so looking forward to just sitting in the garden today and having some peace.

OP posts:
Original poster
mynamewasgone · 14/06/2009 18:28

Thats a good point Slarty, I wouldn't put it past them tbh

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 14/06/2009 18:29

i hope their parents are home?

maybe enjoying their peace and quiet (!)

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