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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be so upset about this?

12 replies

curleylizzy · 11/06/2009 15:53

One of my friends has decided to move to Spain with her DC to be with her parents who moved there about 5 years ago. We see each other at least once or twice a week and our DC get on well. The plan to move to Spain has come out of the blue slightly, but she's made her mind up and is in talk with her parents at the moment to sort out a property ready for the move in a few weeks time.

I know it's not about me or what I feel at all, it's about her and her family, and I respect that greatly, but AIBU to be devastated at the thought of "loosing" her? I don't dare tell her this because I don't want to make it harder for her by putting her on some sort of a guilt trip but the thought of not seeing her anymore really, really upsets me

OP posts:

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 11/06/2009 15:56

I'd be upset about this aswell. You are loosing a friend, you have a relationship with her so you are entitled to be sad about this. I bet she's going to miss you aswell but there's nothing you can do about this. You can maintain your relationship by phoning/email/letters visit, it's the change that is upsetting you.

bubblagirl · 11/06/2009 15:56

look at is as a place to go ofr a holiday and to catch up the friendship doesn't have to end it clearly wont be the same but make sure you all keep in touch

yanbu in the fact your going to miss her at all you can get cheap flights to spain and stay with her once a yr if you can

FairLadyRantALot · 11/06/2009 15:57

YANBU to be upset, of course not...
if you are close, etc...it is a natual reaction....

but, defintely try to refrain to let her know just how much....

OhBling · 11/06/2009 16:00

My two closest friends both left. I still miss them so YANBU. But as others have said, it's her life and her decision and you can still be friends.

I would let her know how much you'll miss her, but not how upset you are.

SuperSoph73 · 11/06/2009 16:00

curleylizzy - no YANBU. DH & I moved abroad 9 years ago and I still miss my best friend hugely. However, we still see each other every now and again and normally spend 48 hrs awake gossiping Also, I'm now going through the same thing as you. A very dear friend is moving back to the UK in July and I'm really going to miss her so I empathise with you completely.

carocaro · 11/06/2009 16:45

no you are not, one of DS best mates at school is leaving at the end of term and he is DEVASTATED, his Mum is lovley too.

It's so selfsih of them to ruin our lives!

DS is making a friendship bracelet with their names on, his idea, made me boo hoo.

BUT just think how cheap flights are to Spain and all those lovely holidays and long weekends you can have!

Get your Skype set up!

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 21/01/2011 12:34

Soph - I could come and take her place - would she let me have her house and everything?! I love it where you are!!

Curley - YANBU - and there's no harm whatsoever in telling her how much you are going to miss her! My best friend and I now live in different countries, far, far apart and we really miss each other - a lot. I have 'free' calls, so we chat a lot and are planning a holiday together this year. It's not the same as having her nearby, not at all, but we are just as close.

gallicgirl · 21/01/2011 12:44

One of my closest friends lives in Florida and I haven't seen her for 3 years but we email every day and manage to maintain the relationship.

Yes, let her know you'll miss her but if she's such a close friend you will still see her and your friendship will survive even if it mutates slightly.

Ditto the comment about Skype!

Asteria · 21/01/2011 12:54

YANBU I have a lot of army friends and it is really upsetting when they move on after their two year posting. Thankfully my closest mate is up here for another 2 years, but I will be bereft when she leaves.
My DS's "girlfriend" of 5 years (very sweet - they are only 8 and have been devoted to eachother since nursery) moved to Germany last year and DS was absolutely devastated. They email each other - which is brilliant for both of them, especially her as she gets to keep up her written English. She visited a few months ago and it was like they had never been apart.

wayoftheworld · 21/01/2011 12:59

You should let her know how you feel because it will be nice for her to know that she will be missed, but don't say it in a way that you expect her to change her mind.

It will be ok in long term, she can come over to visit for holidays and you can go over as well, free holiday's in the sun

theladylovescupcakes · 21/01/2011 13:43

My closest friend moved abroad in summer last year and I was gutted when she told me. Although, we text/email and talk on the phone, she was over before christmas and we're going to see her in a couple of months. My life hasn't ended since she's been gone (tho for a wee while I thought it would). Be happy for her and start planning a holiday over there!

Charlieknows · 22/01/2011 00:20

I know exactly where you're coming from. My best friend moved to Australia a few years ago and i was devastasted. Since she's moved I've had a DS (2.6) and a late stage pregnancy loss (29 weeks). Although it was difficult to go through them without her here I found that having her on the other end of the phone or Skype or email actually helped a lot more than a lot of my friends just around the corner. It's so much easier to talk about things that are close to you with someone who isn't 'there' IYSWIM?

We've actually become even closer since she moved away.

She's been back to visit a few times and we've been over there for a RELATIVELY cheap holiday.

What I'm trying to say is that it's very very difficult when one of your close friends moves abroad but it really isn't the end of the world and it becomes what you make of it. If you truely value the friendship (which it sounds like you do) then it'll carry on and could even become closer.

Good luck xxxx

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