To cry that I've made a huge mistake with choice of Primary school

[Starbear]

We got the results today. We got accepted for our second choice which is a school near by. Our first choice was a CofE school as was our/my third but the third one looked crowded and our second a Catholic school wasn't larger class rooms etc library where the third had borrowed space for a library. I liked our second choice. When I applied DH went along with my decision. He has only now compared Sats results and our 2nd choice is below national average Now we didn't get 1st his angry and he going to appeal. I now feel its all my fault. I've come home late from work and he's gone down the pub and left me crying. Please make me feel better?

Sorry you are upset. Men can be so insensitive, sounds like an excuse for him to go to the pub! This is not your fault, he should have taken more interest in the decision in the first place.

Are you CofE and Catholic? I think both have their own entrance criteria?

Chin up honey x

SATS are completely meaningless in terms of predicting how your child will thrive at and enjoy a school.

If you visited all the local schools and ranked them according to your criteria, that's a far better way of ensuring your child gets a place at a school that will suit them. You know your child best, after all.

Don't cry!

Surely he could have looked at the SATs earlier?

As herbietea says there's a LOT more to a school than that. I know the academic side is important but it's also something they can catch up on later. I think learning life skills, how to be part of society, matters just as much, especially at primary.

If you liked it when you visited then I'd trust your instincts - & if it does turn out that you made a mistake, I know people who've moved their children to a different primary school in their area with no problems.

SATs results are meaningless. I know a school that got fantastic results last year-they don't have a hope this year, with completely different children but it is the same school. The visit is all important-and what you thought of it.

I know that sats are poor indication but I but DH being a PE teacher now thinks differently. I neither religion my dad was Muslim Mum Catholic. I do feel more comfortable with a Catholic school but DH doesn't. He was brought up CofE and started going to church when Ds was born. I went once or twice but it I really didn't like it and it turned out to be a little bit of 'me time' when they went to church.
Now, DH has always expressed a dislike of the catholic religion which I think is unreasonable and I should have taken him more seriously. The school is made up of kids from lots of different background which to tell the truth suited my way of thinking as well. I also liked the friendly staff and children. Still sad sorry

SAT's are evil, as a teacher and a parent I view them as a form of child abuse.

To have a student hyperventilating and literally shaking in fear over the stress of mock Sat's, mocks ffs not even the real ones, to be so worried that if he failed them his future was over that he couldn't sleep at night told me all I needed to know about SAT's.

Any fool, myself included, can train a child to do well at an exam. Look at the rest of what the school has to offer.

Thankfully they are on the verge of being abolished, lets just hope what replaces them is better. And no I wont be letting any of my children do them.

As others have said, SATs tell you about the performance of one group of children at one time but tell you very little about what your child's experience at school will be like.

I can't see anything in what you've said sos far which suggests you've got any grounds for appeal, unless you think there was some irregularity which emans you missed out on your first choice. Your husband changing his mind (or looking at the SATs results for the first time) isn't a reason for appeal. Can you stay on the waiting list for your first choice? There's often a lot of to-ing and fro-ing before the children actually start school and late places quite often become available.

I'm sorry you're so upset but don't be disheartened. Your instinct is a better guide to whether your child will thrive and be happy than a set of SATs results.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to the SATs results as they don't really tell you anything. There are so many different factors involved that it's impossible to judge how good a school is from looking at them.

Our local school doesn't look so great if you go by SATs results alone, but when you visit the place you can see just how happy the children are to be there and just how dedicated the staff are.

I wonder though whether your dh will actually appeal himself or whether that too will be delegated to you.

I'm already worried that Ds won't do well. He can't write his name,read the alphabet or recognise numbers 1-10 Can count to 10, do up his buttons, wipe his bum and chat for England. I hope his education might be the only subject we row about

I think your DP is actually angry with himself for not taking a more active role in the decision making at the time and is now blaming you for the result.
The school will be fine.

Your son's teachers will be very happy indeed to have a child who can do up buttons and wipe his own bum. Honestly, you will be so surprised when you see just how much he learns during his Reception year.

coppertop I'm soft but not that soft. He can do the paperwork and phone calls which if he felt so strongly, he should have done in the first place. His parting words were 'I would never forgive myself if I didn't appeal' To be fair on the pub thing he always goes on a Thursday

It really doesn't matter if he can't write his name yet - they spend a lot of time on all of those things in reception and many other children will be exactly the same.

Have you looked at the Ofsted report for the school? That will give you a much broader picture of what it's like, including the non-academic aspects like pastoral care.

why is this all your responsibility. your dh sounds like he's being a tosser... if he's a teacher and if he thinks sats are v important how come he didnt research the results before now??

SATs results don't matter. I chose a school that had low SATs results even though our nearest school was at the top of the league table for the LEA. I just had a good feeling about the other school and it has been the right choice. The league position of both schools had reversed by the time my son got to year 6 anyway.

My DH did a similar thing to yours with secondary school. My son got into a grammar and was really pleased, and my DH then decided we should have put the other grammar down as first choice. I have just ignored him. He should have decided this before the application went in!

I would not worry about the school, and you may get into the first choice still anyway. Hopefully your husband will calm down.

Shitemum You are so right. He's not blaming me. Well, he wasn't in the house long enough to blame me. OR am I being a typical woman and blaming myself for his upset feelings.

I am surprised to hear your DH is a teacher

Most teachers think SATs are crap and know they don't always reflect the effectiveness of the school or the teaching therein(More the amount of time teachers are prepared to dedicate teaching children to jump through hoops.)

My DDs school IMO is really not that great and gets good results due to being in a fantastic catchment with lots of parents who pay for their children to have extra tuition.) They rest on their laurels then take all the credit when their pupils gain level 5s (OFSTED think they are good with outstanding features)

Where I teach we just about get national averages (with loads of kids on the SN register)but the teaching is first rate and pastoral care, free extra curricular activities and breadth of curriculum fantastic.(Ofsted think we are satisfactory with good features)

If the school where I teach was in the town where I live there would be no contest.

Personally, I would look favourably on a school that isn't SATS obsessed- IME they strip all fun out of learning, which should be integral to any decent education.

MadBadandDangerousToKnow I think it's the pastoral care he doesn't like too catholic. We pass the school everyday and the kids are happy, neighbours children went/go there and they are lovely. Another neighbour is a TA and elderly couple neighbours help out and do reading. I think that's pushed it up to second our village would be around him (In that African proverb that Hilary made popular, kind of way)

smartiejake he had a pushy working class Dad that made sure he got to Grammar School.
Apparently otherwise he would be on skid row.

Going off now to have some hot milk. Don't even feel like watching Madmen now

I agree that results are a poor way to judge the experience your child is likely to have at school.

Thanking my lucky stars we are in Scotland and don't have this problem.

PS- I went to Catholic school, and even though I'm an atheist as an adult, the caring atmosphere was fantastic. I also did well academically, if that makes any difference, as it was quite traditional.

Ceolas Curious, Why is it different in Scotland?
BitOfFun I'm agnostic (In times of really trouble I pray)It was the caring atmosphere that I liked and the space. My third choice was cramped. Hall was divided with screens into library/computer room/gym. It didn't seem right.
DH is phoning our first choice and asking to be put on the waiting list.
Still crying but not in front of DS.
Trying harder today and not MN other than this thread. He's going to playing with a friend at 12 . Mum psychratist maybe she'll make me feel better!