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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this or is this normal ?

42 replies

pindywop · 24/08/2008 06:46

I was at local parade of shops yesterday with ds(6). ds started saying he was bursting for a wee. There are no public toilets near local parade of shops so I went into a restaurant (which was completely empty apart from 2 staff behind the bar) and asked politely if ds could quickly use the toilet as he was desperate.

They said no - the toilet is for customers only.

Was IBU to be really annoyed at the petty unhelpful jobsworths or were they being perfectly reasonable.

OP posts:
posieflump · 24/08/2008 08:10

yanbu
it would have been kind of them to let him use it!

GordonTheGopher · 24/08/2008 08:19

I thought that was illegal now to refuse, or is that just pubs? Either way it was nasty.

Gobbledigook · 24/08/2008 08:23

I think it's out of order to refuse a child the use of a toilet. Whenever I've been in that situation it's not been a problem.

AbbeyA · 24/08/2008 08:41

Next time just rush past and say over your shoulder that you are taking ds to the toilet. They can then complain on your way out and you can say that you were very sorry but he was desperate, and walk out.

LittleBella · 24/08/2008 08:45

I think it's become more normal to be nasty to children. A few years ago when DS was 2, a charity shop manager - note charity shop manager - refused to let him use the loo on the grounds that she didn't have insurance to do so.

I'd never realised going to the loo was so very dangerous...

makeminealargeoneplease · 24/08/2008 08:47

YANBU, don't ask just go for it.
Would have been funny to let DS pee outside on their window instead! Imagine their faces...

Original poster
pindywop · 24/08/2008 08:58

I am glad I am justified to feel .

I am going to write to the local paper and name and shame as I think they were really mean, especially as their poxy restaurant was completely empty.

OP posts:
JuneBugJen · 24/08/2008 08:59

Think I would have let him wee on their front step. And perhaps persuaded him to embark on an no.2 as well..

AbbeyA · 24/08/2008 09:04

Name and shame-they deserve it.
I am sure that I read somewhere that there was a lack of public loos and cafes and restaurants should allow the general public into their facilities.
I would also write to the manager telling him that he has lost a potential customer and you will be advising friends not to go to an establishment that can't make an exception for a desperate child.

mrsruffallo · 24/08/2008 09:09

YANBU

JuneBugJen · 24/08/2008 09:11

well done AbbeyA, def inform manager. After all, a mum is also a potential customer. And the net of mums who you can inform about this can be very wide indeed.

Isn't there some odd fact that a positive comment about a place is said to 7 people but a negative one is about 20 people?

MaryAnnSingleton · 24/08/2008 09:12

YANBU - if a perfectly capable adult asked then fair enough, but children..tsk

AbbeyA · 24/08/2008 09:40

Often the manager is unaware of what the staff are doing and should be made aware. They don't like anything that damages customer relations. Letting a DC go to the toilet is a small price to pay for being known as friendly and helpful.

AlistairSim · 24/08/2008 09:44

If your dc needs the loo when out, head for Waitrose.
They are kindness personified, ime, and will rush you to the staff loos.

TheHedgeWitch · 24/08/2008 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

JulesJules · 24/08/2008 09:54

Obviously it would have been nice for them to let you use the loos, and they were being a bit jobsworth.
Please bear in mind, though, many people really abuse this. I used to work in a bookshop where people were always asking to use the loos (these were staff loos btw) and often left them in a terrible state - wee, poo on the floor and walls, blocked with loo rolls, stealing loorolls, cleaning materials, towels etc. Eventually we had a policy of not letting people use them, although in practise we would let pg women and accompanied children in.

birdinatent · 24/08/2008 10:11

you should have let him wee in the gutter outside the window, thats what I would have done

birdinatent · 24/08/2008 10:12

Oh sorry didnt read all the thread, someone else already said that. At least I am not on my own

chipmonkey · 24/08/2008 10:36

I am not ignoring birdinatent!

onebatmother · 24/08/2008 10:56

I did let ds pee to the side of the shopfront of a comic shop that wouldn't let him use the loo And I told them what I was going to do..

pollyblue · 24/08/2008 11:24

I used to work in a restaurant and would get miffed if people came in to use the loo when we were busy without asking, especially as there were public loos on the other side of the road.
However if anyone asked then ok, no problem and we would never have refused to let a child go.
You asked politely, they should've used their common sense and let him go.

ChukkyPig · 24/08/2008 11:41

I always ask if I need to go when out, on the basis that if lots of people just rush in all the time without asking then places will start saying no.

YANBU though they were really mean, possibly even evil.

Are you going to name and shame on here?

Jux · 24/08/2008 11:57

I thought it was illegal to refuse use of toilet to gen pub; also to refuse to give a glass of tap water if requested!

I got caught short in our local dvd shop; the woman was lovely and I'm sure I didn't need to be as apologetic about it as I was. If she's here - thank you.

lojoesmammy · 24/08/2008 12:11

I have a cousin who was refused the use of a loo in a pub, (mind you he was in bright orange and filthy works clothes, btw it was 3am in London, he works nights) so went down a very tiny alley and tried to pee descreatly . He got caught by the police, and fined £80. The police told him that NO public building (Pub/Hotel/Shop) are allowed to refuse you the use of a lav.
We still thought he was a dirty minger and took the mick out of him for months afterwards.

misi · 24/08/2008 12:29

the police may say that a pub/hotel/shop is not allowed to refuse to let you use the loo but on the other side, for shops anyway, your public liability insurance doesn't cover the public using your loo so if you allow someone to use the loo you are breaking the law, therefore you cannot win!! toilets meant for public use like those in pubs and restuarants etc are now required to allow non patrons to be able to use them, it was this governments way of saving money and closing down public loos and shifting the cost of maintaining and operating by stealth onto the private sector. other shops though where you are not required to have public loos (shops that sell food for consumption on premises are now required to have loos to fit in with the law about non patron usage) cannot be expected to open up their private areas to customers or non customers as this will infringe not only health and safety laws but the insurance regs too and put them at risk of prosecution and possible ruin. saying that, if someone with a kid came into my shop asking for loos (the only public loos in town had been converted to a snack bar ) I would explain the situation, then escort them upstairs personally as one, I didn't want a kid peeing on my floor, two, it was good PR and three, I hate all these PC health and safety rules that don't allow common decency anymore!!