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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DD&DS1 share a room?

28 replies

IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 18/08/2008 15:56

DD(7) and DS1(3) Haver been told time and time again to keep their rooms tidy.
I'm not a cow, I don't expect them to be perfect, but general order shouldn't be impossible.

I got so fed up with DD shoving toys/rubbish/bits of tissue/clothes etc under and behind things that she lost the big bedroom and now has the small one, DS1 has the big room.

Yet AGAIN, I've had to go and gut her room from filth and DS1's clothes were all over the place, toys all over the floor.
So I asked them to put all toys in boxes, rubbish in bin and clothes in drawers.

Did they do it? Did they fuck.

DP has said to them that if they can't keep their rooms tidy, they'll have to share when we move in three weeks.

The small room would either;
Be used for DS1 - I'd love a nursery for him tbh, and as he is currently waking about three times a night, twice not to feed, it would mean I could try and stop those wakings by helping him settle himself, which at the moment I can't do because I don't want him to wake DP.(He is only 19 weeks though so not sure I want him to have his own room just yet)
Or DP will use it as a study - Again, good idea as he is doing police college and the computer/desk is in the dining room atm so when he is trying to work he gets no quiet.

AIBU in putting a seven year old girl in with her little brother though? Is her privacy too important?

OP posts:
ravenAK · 18/08/2008 16:01

Wouldn't think there was anything wrong with that, but difficult when they're 11 & 7 possibly!

Can you go through their rooms with a binbag/big cardboard box & make them 'earn' the stuff back? Only had to do that once with ds (he's 4).

TenaciousG · 18/08/2008 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbaFan · 18/08/2008 16:03

We have just moved our boys (8 and 4) into the same room for simular reasons. Both had such messy rooms and didn't play with anything.

Now they are in bunk-beds in the small room, and we are currently converting the bigger room into a family / play room.

Original poster
IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 18/08/2008 16:07

raven, they hardly have anything anyway!
DD has one box of books and one box of dolls like barbie and bratz.
Everything else got thrown out because she had broken it.
DS just has a bucket type bin thing with toy cars and sticklebricks in it. He had his lego taken away for flushing it down the toilet, his trainset because he broke a table I made for him to play trains on and his books taken because he ripped them all!

OP posts:
maybelaterdarling · 18/08/2008 16:07

I shared with my brother for a few years and I'm perfectly normal (in my opinion at least).

My ds is 22 weeks (I think although I'm losing track a bit), dd1 and 2 are 7 and 4 and everything they do is currently driving me nuts (coughing, shutting the door, holding a glass, etc, etc). If I was moving house too I think it would tip me completely over the edge. My current approach is to shut their bedroom door and only go in there when I'm in the mood for a good sort out (and most importantly they aren't around to bear the brunt of my rather irrational rant).

seeker · 18/08/2008 16:08

Why do they need to tidy their rooms? Just shut the door and let them get on with it. Provide big bins and enough storage for all their stuff - tidying up is hard if there's nowhere to put anything. Then leave it. If their stuff gets broken don't replaced.

It's their space - you don't have to look at it!

seeker · 18/08/2008 16:08

Oh, sorry, I've reread. 3 is too young to tidy on his own in my opinion. He'll need help.

Romy7 · 18/08/2008 16:09

DD1 (8) has shared with both DS1 (6) and DD2 (4) at different times. They now each have their own rooms (with exactly the scenario you have described). we're not moving until next year, but i will be seriously considering putting two of them back together again. YANBU

MrsTittleMouse · 18/08/2008 16:11

Not unreasonable at all I would have said. The only problem will be when she is 10/11 and will need more privacy. Before puberty I don't see an issue.

Ashantai · 18/08/2008 16:18

I cleared away 3 bags of junk in my daughters bedrooms the other day and can now finally see the floor!

My son's room on the other hand is a total pigsty but in his defence, its quite small and we all know how much crap a 5 yr old has!

I need to get him one of those high beds so we can store his stuff underneath it, but all the ones i've seen are so bleedin expensive!

I dont think 7 and 3 are bad ages for them to still share a bedroom. Maybe once she hits 10, she might need her own space.

Original poster
IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 18/08/2008 16:18

Seeker, I have people coming tomorrow to take measurements to put the house of for sale and will be having viewings. Their rooms need to be tidy.
Apart from that, I don't think it is unreasonable to expect a three year old (he starts school nursery next month, and is 4 in December) to pick up his toys and put them in a toybox.
I was pissed off enough at having to paint both of their rooms yesterday (for the second time in six months) because they had drawn on the walls (not with pens, they are restricted as they drew all over their walls and my sofa, but with toys, they scraped toys across the walls to make marks on them.)
But I didn't say anything, I just took it in my stride, told them 'walls aren't for drawing on' and 'toys aren't for drawing with' etc but I've just gone up there again and asked then to tidy up, i.e. put toys away and clothes in drawers (any drawer, I don't care which, just a drawer) whilst I was making beds and cleaning windowsills etc and they didn't do it.

OP posts:
seeker · 18/08/2008 16:33

Ah, well if it's direct disobedience that's a different matter. And it if it's for a particular reason that's a different matter too. I thought you were just looking for generalized ongoing tidyness.(which in my opinion is a bridge too far!)

I would make a list of jobs and pin it up and get the 7 year old to tick them off as they are done - books on shelves, bed made, toys in toy box, clothes in drawers. And there would be no other activity allowed til it was done. If they do it together, first her room then his they might have more fun - even if it takes longer.

Original poster
IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 18/08/2008 17:08

Tried the list.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 18/08/2008 17:12

YANBU, But at 7 and 3 I woiuldn't expect them to be able to tidy thier rooms on thier own. You need to help them.

seeker · 18/08/2008 17:16

I think 7 could, so long as there was enough storage. Don't think 3 could. What happened when you said no tv or any other activity until the list was done?

Original poster
IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 18/08/2008 17:34

They would spend the whole day in their rooms just faffing around 'tidying up' but really playing.

Then say their rooms were tidy and I'd go check, nothing done, I mean really obviously nothing done, things on the floor in the middle of the room etc.

DD is dyspraxic, so I understood she could find it harder and we started doing the list thing, DS liked the idea so I had it for both of them. I would go in their rooms, see what I wanted them to do and break it down into smaller jobs, like

  • Put dirty pj's in laundry box
  • put bits of ripped paper on the windowsill in bin
  • put trains in train box
etc But they still defeated me! The only time they did it was when I put up a sign saying 'cake making at 2pm for children with tidy rooms', even then I found later that everything (toys/books/clothes/rubbish) had been shoved into one toy box, and when I tried it again it didn't work.

I don't know why this beats me! They are so good at doing everything else!

TBH, I don't really want them to share a room, I think it's unfair, but I don't want to have to go through this palava time after time, and DP thinks it's the best solution.

OP posts:
wahwah · 19/08/2008 08:08

Probably not what you want to hear, but I think that you should probably tidy up with them if you want to get the job done, otherwise it's just an unnecessary battle and more stress for you - they just don't care.

Original poster
IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 19/08/2008 09:14

wahwah, I'm assuming you didn't read my post where I said I was with them, making beds etc whilst I asked them to pick up toys.
They are 3&7 FFS. They have to tidy up their toys at school/nursery, so they are capable of doing it at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 19/08/2008 09:16

Oh also, I don't think it is an unnecessary batle. I have enough to do without tidying their rooms every day.
When I do their rooms, it takes me an hour to do them, and it takes them 2 minutes to return it to the state it was previously, which is why DP suggested giving them just one room, as it makes one less room to tidy.

OP posts:
wahwah · 19/08/2008 09:52

Sorry if I missed that, brain not what it used to be and all-only get a chance to look at this when breastfeeding. I don't think what you are asking of your children is unreasonable.

When I posted before, I meant doing the actual job with them, not just being in the room, only because I hate cleaning and tidying myself, but it seems much less of a faff when I have help. The only other thing I've ever found helpful is linking in a job with something nice, like you did with the cakes, but doing an inspection before the good stuff happens. eg we can go to the park if we get these rooms tidied properly in 20 mins...

It sounds to me as if you've tried a lot of things to get them to do this and despite being good kids, for whatever reason they're just not good at this particular job at home. Sorry that I can't think of anything else, but I hope someone does have a good answer for you .

mumeeee · 19/08/2008 11:27

I habe sen that your DD is dyspraxic in that case she will definatly need you to tidy the room with her. DD 156 is dyspraxic and she still has to be told to tidy her room.

mumeeee · 19/08/2008 11:27

I meant DD3 is 16. Oh I tidied the roomwith her until she was about 13 or her sister did it.

Original poster
IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 19/08/2008 15:36

mumee, I know she needs extra help, but that doesn't mean she can't read a list and tick things off one by one as she goes.

That is what I was actually recommended to do for her if she has more than one thing to do, and not to give her blanket tasks, i.e don't say tidy your room, but break it down into smaller chunks, as I said in the post where I explained what she has to do.

She may be dyspraxic but, thankfully, she is still perfectly capable of picking up the toys and putting them in a box.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 19/08/2008 15:41

I think at that age you should tidy their rooms in the main.

Original poster
IShaggedInVictorianSqualor · 19/08/2008 15:45

I do!

Why is everyone missing the point here?

I'm not asking if a 3&7yr old are able to put toys in boxes/bits of screwed up tissue in the bin/clothes in drawers. They are, I know they are, they have done it previously.

I'm asking if it would be unreasonable to make them share a room.

OP posts:
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