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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

this should read is *she* being unreasonable

37 replies

Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:11

slight trivia here - but am a bit about what to think

dd's bf who has stayed here twice previously booked tomorrow off his paper round which he does 7 days a week.

he phoned his mum and asked if he could stop over, telling her that he had booked the morning off.

she said "no" by booking off the morning you had already assumed that i would say yes, so come home.

i think she sounds like a bitch - but i spoke to her last time and she had a complte bitch tone - i mean she is talking to the gf's mum - you put on airs and graces to a degree and not a complete cow voice

so never met the woman and she has my back up... so wonering - is she just a loon?

or was she right to order the bf home as he had obviously made plans without consulting her?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:12

he is 16 and has to be home for 9pm

OP posts:
MrsFluffleHasAWuffle · 11/08/2008 19:12

I would agree with Bf's mum tbh. You ask, you don't go round making plans and then asking.

LuckySalem · 11/08/2008 19:12

Erm... I don't know. I can kinda understand that he made it expecting her to say yes but.... If it were me I'd be happy that he's planned how he could do it.

So bit mean but then.... nevermind.

pinkspottywellies · 11/08/2008 19:13

Sounds a bit harsh but he had already made the plan. Perhaps it's something they have discussed previously - maybe she feels put on the spot if he asks at the last minute.

NorthernLurker · 11/08/2008 19:14

How old are these children? Assuming they are under 16 then I would say she has the right to be consulted in his plans and if necessary to lay the law down accordingly. If he's over 16 but living under their roof then I still think she is right to want to be treated with consideration and respect and that's what she obviously felt she wasn't getting - so has put her foot down. Look on the bright side - at least you won't have him under foot and eating you out of house and home!

olympicsnotfederer · 11/08/2008 19:14

I think you need to butt out to be honest

It is between mother and son. You have no idea if he poss has a history of assuming he can do certain things without checking fully.

I think she was right, he DID assume the answer would be yes by booking the morning off. That would piss me off, why bother asking in the 1st place?

Original poster
Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:15

im kinda with mrs fluffle

but i too would be pleased that my ds had the forethought to give notie of day off to the shop - rather than just saying " fuck it - i'll ring in with bolleaux excuse"

but im kinda with mrs fluffle

but im kinda liking the fact that he was responsible about the whole thing and i would have given my lads some credit
but am kinda with mrs fluffle

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 11/08/2008 19:15

x posted. Right so they have rules they expect him to live by and he presumably has agreed to those rules in exchange for the benefits of living at home so I think she's fair enough to put her foot down.

Original poster
Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:16

oh aye - don't get me wrong - its fuck all to do with me. - but the phone call happened in my house and i am allowed to have an opinion in mi head

OP posts:
StellaWasADiver · 11/08/2008 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

olympicsnotfederer · 11/08/2008 19:18

of course you are custy

just out of interest, does he often stay at your house?

does he stay in the same bed as your dd?

ForeverOptimistic · 11/08/2008 19:19

If he is 16 I don't really think she is in a position to say no.

TheArmadillo · 11/08/2008 19:19

whether she is unreasonable or not depends on what she would have done if he hadn't booked the mornings off his paper round.

IF it was my mother it would be damned if you do adn damned if you don't.

E.g. if I hadn't booked them off then I wouldn't be able to go as would have shown I wasn't organised enough to sort it all out.

If I had booked them off then I would have done it 'assuming' she would let me so wouldn't be able to go.

Also not entirely sure what 'assuming' has to do with it. Surely regardless of situation he has asked and she says yes/no depending on whether it's a good idea or clashes with anything else. Surely booking time off just shows he is organised and well prepared for a 16 yo having thought it all thru.

SO I would probably assume she was being unreasonable for refusing on those grounds. Not unreasonable to refuse, but unreasonable to refuse for that reason.

x - marks the spot where the waffling ends.

Original poster
Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:23

ohhhhhhhhhhh no he sleeps in the attic with the ds's he had stayed twice

OP posts:
FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy · 11/08/2008 19:24

I wonder if the mum was just looking for an excuse to say no.
I mean, he may have been thinking, I'll show her I've ok'ed it with work, that I'm being responsible, then she'll see how grown up I am. Maybe if he'd said, I'm going to book the morning off work...?

OTOH what does his paper round have to do with his mum? Am I missing something here?

Original poster
Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:25

hmmm tricky one - i guess its like northern said - he'll ask before next time

hes here for 9am anyway!

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 11/08/2008 19:26

He is 16, not 13. She needs to learn to let go a bit. It smacks of being mean for the sake of it.

olympicsnotfederer · 11/08/2008 19:26

just being nosy wondering custardo

Original poster
Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:27

well his paper round is in the am, and i kinda get that he has a duty to not let the papershop down and he has taken on a responsability and should be good about that - i get that - i do - hich is why i would have been pleased at his organisation.

ahh well

OP posts:
olympicsnotfederer · 11/08/2008 19:27

grr, why didn't that cross out ?

silverfrog · 11/08/2008 19:29

If it was me, my answer would depend on the timimgs. Presumably he booked tomorrow off work when he was at work this morning, first thing. Did he then wait all day to ask his mum? It would annoy me greatly if he had planned from first thing to do this, but only got around to asking a couple of hours before he was due home (possibly meal planning issues at play here, too).

It does sound a bit harsh, though, unless there are other issues not yet disclosed. The poor boy was only trying to plan.

He could have ended up asking his mum first, then not being able to get the morning off work, and then having to re-plan with his mum.

Assuming no major plans at his home, I think he did the sensible thing in asking the people who had most re-working to do (ie his work) first. It all hinged on that, whereas other than decent notice, I assume there was no good reason why he couldn't stay over.

cornsilk · 11/08/2008 19:31

I think it's mean.

ScummyMummy · 11/08/2008 19:34

As you know, I don't have teenagers, so maybe I'll be singing from a different songbook in a few years, but in the meantime i think she sounds like a big meanie!

Original poster
Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:35

he eats here hever night 7 days a week.

i thought she might want some time with him - but the bf says that she will be with her own bf

OP posts:
Original poster
Tortington · 11/08/2008 19:36

ok that does it

she is a
MEANIE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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