Lodger wants to move evening meal time

[Proseccoisking]

I have had a lodger staying Monday to Friday for about 5 months.

It was generally working out quite well.

He has his own large room, which has a sofa and TV, and his own bathroom.

We share the kitchen and dining room. I have a separate living room.

The arrangement started that I provided basic breakfast food items for him to prepare: cereal and bread, butter, jam, honey etc

An evening meal was not included in our agreement. I did tell him, however, that he was welcome to have what I’d cooked, or if I was out or he wanted something different he could have one of several ready meals, or use any food in the fridge or freezer unless it was earmarked for another meal.

I made it clear that I eat fairly early, normally around 6.00pm, and if he wanted the meal I’d cooked and he wasn’t home in time, I would plate it up and he could re heat it when he liked.

He was happy with this as he hadn’t expected any meals ( the rent is very low for the facilities provided in this area), and had only asked for space to store his own food.

He now has his own cupboard/ fridge space in case he wants something different.

I like to cook and the meals I provide are cooked from scratch and accompanied by fresh vegetables. If we are both there when the meal is ready we often eat together in the dining room.

He has recently mentioned a few times that he would prefer to eat his meal when it was hot, rather than having to re heat it. This is quite a change from when he first moved in, and told me that he often ate Pot Noodles as he couldn’t be bothered to cook.

I advertised for a lodger to help with the bills and am happy to let him share my food, but I am not running a hotel. I don’t want to eat later, nor cook a separate meal for him and be clearing up at up to 8.30pm. He arrives back somewhere between 5.30 - 8.15pm.

Our contract only states that I will provide basic breakfast items. I am under no obligation to provide any other meals, although I am concerned that it might appear so through custom/ practice.

I’ve already told him that I am not prepared to change the timing of my meal, but it hasn’t stopped him mentioning it.

I am considering withdrawing the offer of evening meals altogether.

I am posting here to try to get a balanced view.

In other ways he is a good fit as a lodger, although there have obviously been some niggles.

Obviously you aren’t unreasonable.

He is the one being unreasonable. What are the other niggles?

Evening meals are not part of the deal- I would be thrilled if someone left me something to heat up!

He's a cheeky bastard but you've blurred the lines. Lodgers do not usually get meals provided.

You mention you charge below normal
rebt. Is there a reason why?

I think it was a bit daft to offer your food anyway as you can't possibly be having much money for the bills if you have to feed another adult.
You have a word with him and say that there will be no further negotiation about evening meal and your appreciate it if he didn't mention it again.

You just oh that's fine, I'll leave you to cook for yourself at a better time for you.

Does the lodger even contribute to the cost of the meals?! I think you are being very very generous

Never ever give lodgers extra mileage. They always take the piss Ime. I have had several. Only one was respectful.

And increase the rent if it’s below market rate or less than you need. Seriously. You are not a charity.

6pm isn't early. We eat after work about 5pm. My parents eat at 4pm. I think 6pm is reasonable. Your lodger eats late. You are not unreasonable at all. They are onto a good thing.

The main niggle is that he has the room from 3.00pm on Monday to 11.00am on Friday.
I provided a lockable chest for him to be able to keep personal items in when he wasn’t there so he didn’t have to lice them back and forth.
He has started to leave items spread out in the room. It’s not that I want to let it out to anyone else over the weekend, but I sometimes have friends or family to stay and need to use the room.

Just say to him 'I eat at 6pm. If you want to sort your own evening meal out then that's fine. I'll just cook for myself going forwards'.

I'd stop from now on as he's been cheeky. If he mentions it again just say, 'We've discussed this already. I cook for 6pm'

Don't be drawn into any discussion. You're not running a restaurant and he's not booking a table. Neither are you his mother. He's taking the piss.

You’re being way too generous! I do feel as well if money is tight and you need a lodger you should be saving your left overs and eating them the next evening. Food is expensive and this is way beyond a normal lodger set up.

Seriously anyone thinking you are unreasonable needs to give their head a wobble.

I’d stop providing any meals for him - including breakfast and dinner - and bring the rent up in line with your area. You’re not his mum and you’re not a charity.

6pm is early for most people. I am still working at 5pm on weekdays!

Sort of. I’ve never had a lodger before and I wanted to find someone who agreed not to have overnight guests. It’s a bit more restrictive than some agreements, hence the price.

You should never have offered to share your food in the first place
Obviously, he is taking the piss

He’s got it into his head that you’re a pushover

Put your foot down about the way he’s leaving the room and also tell him that the offer for sharing food is withdrawn. You’re going to have to be really clear about this.

YADNBU time to reiterate that options are he can eat at 6, reheat meal or cook himself.

I wouldn’t be happy if I was renting a room and someone else was sleeping in it at the weekend. Do you thoroughly clean the room and bathroom after someone stays?

This is weird, you have a lodger yet want to use his room for other people?

I think that however kindly meant you ate blurring lines by offering food.

I agree that you have blurred the lines with the provision of evening meals. I think you need to look at changing the current situation towards something which suits you.If he doesn't like it, then it is a perfect opportunity to find a lodger who is more suited. Keep things simple in future.

Tell him you are not his housekeeper. He rents a room in your home. He eats or he doesnt but he doesn't call the shots.

Unfortunately you have blurred the boundaries by offering food not in the contract, and now he's treating the place like his own and you like an obliging mum or partner.
It might be easier to end the contract, but if you want to continue you need a reset. Eg, you could say that sharing evening meals isn't working, and that from now on he's in charge of feeding himself, apart from breakfast. And tell him nicely that he needs to put away or remove his possessions each Friday so you can use the room.
If he makes any kind of fuss, give him notice and mean it.