to say this is basically standing me up and dump?

[AmberCatz]

I've been out with a guy a few times in the last month and we've slept together. Sex was amazing - some of the best of my life tbh. He's been in consistent contact since but here's the rub:

• he holds a senior position at an NGO
• he has a young toddler

At the start this lead to a rescheduled first date was all fine after. At the weekend he asked to make plans in advance to see me yesterday but then cancelled 3 hours before, very apologetic and citing childcare issues. He asked if I could do a lunchtime date today and I said I could - and asked him to confirm in the morning.

So here we are, almost lunchtime and he hasn't messaged. I sent a quick check in about 10.30 but nothing. I feel so disrespected that he couldn't even take the time to say he can't make it or whatever. I am actually shocked that he's just dead silent and left my hanging.

I almost feel like blocking him. Would you say something or not?

His wife has probably found out about you?

Blocking is childish. If you're annoyed, have a conversation and see what he says. You can dump him afterwards if you want, but he might have a good reason.

Hard work? Why?

He asked to reschedule for today lunchtime, it's now lunch and tumbleweed

@ColdAsAWitches would you follow up and say something? Or leave it and see if he comes up with an excuse later.

You don’t sound hard work at all. 🙄 Ignore PP.

Yes it doesn’t bode well. I wouldn’t block but leave it up to him to contact you while you consider what you want.

Don’t say anything else at this stage.

Too much too soon.

What’s with “blocking”, feels like such a juvenile thing to do.

what do you mean 'too much too soon'?

No she doesn't

I’d send him a message and say something like:

It’s disappointing that the lunch plans didn’t materialise. It seems that we want different things out of this relationship, and I don’t appreciate you ghosting me after making plans. It’s been nice but let’s not take it any further.

I wouldn't block him yet. I'd want a decent explanation though!

Are you sure he doesn't have a partner if he has a young toddler??

Anyway, assuming he's single, I wouldn't block him but I would speak to him and let him know that you were disappointed that he didn't get in contact with you.

Realistically though if he has a young toddler in his care most or all of the time, then naturally his child will be his main priority. That's presumably going to impact on you and the relationship significantly if it continues - is that something you are happy with?

If this is the start where people usually put in the most effort it doesn't say much for how the future would be

I feel hurt.

It's not so much the cancellation and reschedule - it's not letting me know

Youve done nothing wrong OP and are certainly not hard work.

Where did you meet him? I guess what I'm asking is, is he married/partnered up? Because arranging a date for a Thursday lunchtime is a really odd time to have a date. Isn't he working?

What day of the week was your other dates?

it's weird because it was just yesterday he was expressed (seemingly) sincere regret at not being able to meet.

to then ignore me next day is very odd.

Yeah this is what would annoy me the most. I can be pretty flexible but don't ignore me

We've mainly had evening dates until now. He wanted to meet another evening last time but I had plans. This week he suggested an afternoon.

Obviously I cannot definitively say he isn't partnered - I hope not but don't know him well enough to know if he's lying or not.

You're not anything of the sort. Ignore that juvenile post. You have perfectly reasonable adult expectations.

Having said that, if you are going to call it a day, I think you should let him know that before you then block and delete.

Personally, I don't think this man is in any position to be seeing someone. He has too many other commitments and responsibilities pulling on his time.

A month, a couple of dates, having sex. It’s not a commitment, it’s a fairly casual set-up, that doesn’t require constant communication.

He’s missed one “date” and you are so emotionally invested you are looking to block him.

I would just leave it. And yes, block! If you don't block he can worm his way back in.

He's married

I hope not :(

Yes I'd block anyone who stood me up especially if they'd cancelled the previous date