AIBU to pull DS out of music classes?

[MeerkatEyes]

DS is 6. He started music ( tin whistle) classes at the end of Sept. There are 3 other boys in his class - two are 8, one is 6 or possibly 7.

DS is struggling a bit. He can’t get his fingers onto the whistle properly to cover the bottom holes. The other boys seem to be better than him.

We didn’t have class at Halloween so there was a 2 week break. We were away for a few days so he didn’t get to practice.

The teacher takes the boys into a small room and parents stay outside (but must stay on premises).

Last night DS left class really upset. I knew there was something wrong and he started crying as soon he got into car. He says that the teacher told him he might have to go to a different class if he doesn’t practice. Also at one point, he says, he played a squeaky note and the teacher said ‘are you deaf?’ to him loudly

I am furious. I don’t know whether to pull him out and ask for our money back. I think it’s unacceptable that she would say that to him without having discussed moving classes or being annoyed at the lack of practice to me.

Just to add - he doesn’t practice daily. We did 20 mins practice on Saturday and I lifted him early from after-school yesterday and he did another 20/25 mins practice.

Just to add, my initial reaction was to say that we’d practice every night and work on it together. However when my partner got home he mentioned quitting and finding another teacher, so that’s what DS now wants to do.

Just looking for views and advice really. Posting in AIBU for traffic! AIBU for pulling him out?

Are you sure 'are you deaf' was not in response to DS not understanding he shouldn't have been playing, or something like that. Would be a bit unlikely for her to be shaming him for not playing perfectly and kids don't report things accurately.

I don't think we can expect teachers to constantly keep all traces of impatience or frustration etc out of their voices all the time. Not good for them to be so guarded, not good for the kids. Sometimes they have to bear the brunt of teachers' emotions or irrationality and that can be good prep for adult life...true needless nastiness is obviously a different story.

I agree with this. I find it hard to believe that he couldn’t have found time to practice for ten minutes on most days during a two week GWP between classes. Of course the teacher would have been pissed off.

You misunderstand me.

I am not suggesting working hard at something to achieve mastery doesn't make it fun, at all but you can also enjoy it with less focussed practice. Musical provision for kids in my recent experience seems to be aimed at participating with some progress or keeping up with grades/trying to get into particular groups/orchestras. The approach differs and suits different learners at different points. You can be really good at something and find the practice lots of fun. I'm not saying every proficient musician has endured hours of painful practice at the hands of an aspiring parent by any stretch. Some kids find the right instrument and teacher and are unstoppable. Some less so.

I am really glad for your daughter. I would indeed love to see her playing and enjoying herself. Who wouldn't? I think music has the capacity to bring much joy. I apologise for whichever nerve I inadvertently touched.

However, for some children they don't triumph and impress everyone right off the bat with their brilliance and they might benefit from individual instruction where what they can do is enough and the process is valued as a good way to spend time, not just as a route to improvement. There isn't one size fits all and we found a less grade focussed approach worked better for us, on every level. Ironically she practices more but not because I tell her to or she'll be berated in her next lesson. She will also be playing in a Christmas concert and it will be a thing of joy for everyone but she won't be being promoted to our local symphony orchestra anytime soon. Sometimes good enough is good enough. That's all I was saying.

Yes they’re meant to fun for everyone involved. What about the other children in class who are practising and want to progress but can’t because one child doesn’t practice and even the OP herself believes he’s being a PITA. Not re fun for them is it? Don’t find another class. Wait until he finds an instrument he wants to actually play so practising isn’t a chore.

I would stop the lessons, have a break for 6 months/a year and see where you are as a family. If your boy seems musically inclined, find him a lovely, rigorous, positive teacher in the instrument of his choice and commit to practicing 15 minutes most days. If you don't have the time or energy for that it's fine but there's no point going to lessons.

Honestly OP he doesn’t seem to be enjoying it so I think I’d give it a break, or maybe stay until Christmas and then see how he feels in January. My dd is much older but is doing a group guitar lesson and absolutely loving it as I think everyone in the group plans on being in a band (despite her not being great at it) and I know her teacher takes under 11s so he is definitely not too young. I’m also in Ireland and I’ve only ever heard of people doing tin whistle in school I’ve actually never heard of anyone to do it willingly 😂😂😂😂

He is six.
Take him to a guitar shop.
Get a guitar a real one he will be motivated

I think you should pause lessons for now. 6 is really young and you sound really busy. It's okay to just not have time for everything.

(Signed - a woman who never had any musical ability and had to be forced to practice with a little brother who is a musician today. The difference was astounding)

I think that if you can't find 10 minutes a day to practise, there's not much point in taking music classes because he just isn't going to make any progress.

New teacher ... one who can make it fun. Ditch this hopeless person!