AIBU? Police attitude

[PrincessLeia1990]

I don't know if I'm in the right topic here but I need to vent and ask if I'm crazy. Apologies for the long post.

I left an abusive partner ten years ago, he was a truly horrible person and he had knives in our house. When I left he made a number of horrible threats to me and I was so scared I just left. Left the town, left my family, my friends, my job and just started again. He has made attempts at contacting me through the years (all blocked) and had friends and family of his approach me. This is to help explain my state of mind about lurkers.

Recently, I have noticed a group of people parking up at the end of the street in 2 or 3 different cars in direct line of sight to my door. These are not neighbour cars or people. I chose this street to know my neighbours. The people stay there for hours. Just sitting in the car and eating sandwiches and looking around or on their phones, which scared me but I tried to keep it rational.

For context, this street is a new style housing estate with one way in and out to the main road and is built in the middle of fields. It doesn't lead to anywhere and there is nothing here but houses. I work at home and it's completely empty of cars and people in the day except a couple of other WFH folks. If you were to imagine the part of the estate where I live as a capital T shaped road at the end of the estate. I am on the left hand side of the top of the "T" with four other houses in a dead end. There are four houses on the right side of the "T" and down there road leading back towards the main road. There is nothing here worth looking at but they can see all the houses and doors from their parking space.

In my head, worse case scenario, here he is again but also could be someone else's creep, a burglary gang (we've had them here) or a drug dealer who found a quiet corner. So I phone Devon and Cornwall police to advise them this is a bit odd and to ask if they can check out the car and man there now. I explained my own history and the other burglaries and Martin from Devon and Cornwall police tells me to "not worry about it as people do sit in their cars, to get on with my life and enjoy the sunshine." In a tone like he works on the phone selling King Charles plates to grannies.

AIBU to be furious about the tone and response or is he right and I am crazy to be concerned in the first place? It took me a long time to be ok after my ex and I do sometimes get over afraid of mundane things but I really don't feel wrong about this.

The thing is, it is true that some people sit in their cars in quiet spots, to have their lunch or a break etc sometimes for long periods. My street sometimes gets used like this because there are no parking restrictions and it is quiet. You’d be surprised at how many people and in which jobs do it. Builders, driving instructors, mini cab drivers, delivery drivers etc etc. Where else can they realistically take a break that won’t cost them money?

I am not saying you are definitely wrong, I am just saying that it is highly unlikely to be anything sinister. And the police are probably loathe to bother people who are not doing anything illegal, as it could be seen as harassment. They do have the right to ask people who they are and what they are doing but people asked to account for themselves have no duty to tell them.

That said, if you think you really are in danger, and the Force aren’t taking it seriously (and I have seen in the news recently that Devon and Cornwall Police are in trouble for various failings including re: domestic abuse) then I would contact them again and/or possibly file a complaint about the inaction and see if that makes them act. Make clear you are a victim of domestic abuse and you suspect this is linked and hopefully that will make them take it more seriously.

I mean, I’m not surprised you’re hypervigilant, given your past, but I think there’s information missing. How many people are in these cars — men, women, ages? Are they communicating with one another while there, and/or getting in and out of one another’s cars? How long has this been going on? What time of day/night? How long do they stay?

It's one car at a time with one or two men in who might be in their 30s/40s, they sit in the car and talk and eat. They seem to arrive at about ten and leave around four at my best guess. I don't constantly watch, but every time go out or get a parcel or look out they are in the car. I made a point of checking hourly one day and this is based on that. From what I had seen there are three cars and about five men but I couldn't hand on heart swear to that as I don't want to stare at them or make them pay attention to me. Another woman who WFH a bit further down has noticed them but doesn't know who they are either. I can honestly see that I could be over reacting but it was so much more his attitude on the phone that has got my back up. I wasn't hysterical or panicked, I honestly believe if anything it could be burglaries, I just wanted to feel like help was there. In ten years, I've rung the police once because he was right there but now I feel I'm a crazy old woman 😕

I had a similar concern a couple of years ago, op. It turned out to be a Virgin Media team canvassing for customers for a new fibre broadband service they were rolling out in the area. Could it be something on those lines?

I guess it could easily be that. They just drop people off and sit in the car while they go round knocking would make sense. Nobody has knocked for me but I have "nope to sales" sign so that also makes sense. Did you just go out and ask them?

I don't understand why you'd go on a public forum naming the area you're in and even the name of the officer, if you're scared of being found?

Just keep an eye on the cars and perhaps join an online neighbourhood group, and inquire there.

You think the police should come and look at someone sitting in a car
FGS get a grip

In an ideal world could an officer just walk past, knock on the window and check they were there for a legitimate reason, just in case? Sure. But unfortunately the police don't even seem to have resources to deal with actual crimes nevermind check on things that are just slightly out of the orindary.

My car was stolen from my driveway, I reported it, submitted CCTV of it. Noone came out or did anything and within 24 hrs I received an automated email saying they had concluded their investigation and gave me a crime reference number for my insurance. That was an actual crime and they didn't do anything other than, apparently check ANPR and generate an automatic email. These thefts still happen regularly in my area, nothing is done.

It could be undercover police surveillance of another house.

There is nothing you can do except maximise the security of your own house: door locks, window locks, locks on garden gates, cameras, camera doorbell, etc.

If there is an ongoing police investigation they aren't going to tell you. You probably noticed something they are already aware of or involved in.

YANBU about the dismissive attitudes from some.

In an ideal world could an officer just walk past, knock on the window and check they were there for a legitimate reason, just in case?

What is a legitimate reason? "On a break", "waiting for xyz'

And conversely what could they answer if the they lie?

What crime are they committing that the police could legally take any action against them?

He was patronising.

How did you report it? If you called 101 then it’s worth reporting to the neighbourhood team. Go into police.uk and put in your postcode and you’ll get a list of the local neighbourhood officers. They can arrange to do some patrols and maybe speak to these people. 10-4 does sound a bit odd and much longer than a lunch break!

Did you mention to him about your abusive ex who'd made threats? If so the way he replied was pretty crap.
10- 4 is a long time to be just having a lunch break.

I explained everything, both about my ex and all the burglaries from the last two years. The ex gave me the paranoia of odd things but I wouldn't really think it is likely to be him this time, this would be more likely to be the burglars again. I called 101 to ask if they could check on the guy there now just in case, I didn't know if they would or not but the tone and response really annoyed me.

It's unlikely they are there to do any harm.

If you want to burglar a house you don't wait around for days before you do it. You normally try to get in and out as soon as possible and away before anyone can identify you. Here you could get a description, a car reg etc. Burglars may suss out properties, but they don't do it by waiting around in cars for days.

The most likely scenario is they are waiting in support of something to happen.

They might be baliffs, or police supporting an operation that is taking place a few streets away and they are waiting ready to be called in if required. Clearly they are not undercover or you wouldn't have spotted them.

People are expensive, so it is unlikely they will be left sitting there all day munching sandwiches unless there is some good reason for it.

I did, I've had a lot of really good therapy and do well for the most part. It just gets me sometimes and I overthink. I would say it's been going on for about ten days, but that's just the first time I noticed them. I've only rung the police once before in another place (different force) but the ex was right there at the time and being aggressive so I phoned the emergency police and they came straight away. This was only for advice and I was more concerned than afraid so I rang 101.

There is nothing much unusual about people sitting in their cars, crime are very low in Devon and Cornwall and distances to check up great , so I am not at all surprised at their reaction.
Your personal history has no bearing on the threat level, only on your level of anxiety.

I don't watch them all day, every day. I saw them first ten days ago because I was walking the dog and they dropped a food wrapper out and I thought it was rude but didn't really think anything else but when I went to the bin later (a few hours) they were still there, I thought it was weird because it was a long time and I've noticed them generally since then. They could have been there forever. Could I honestly say they'd been there all day long in the car? No. One day I did check intentionally regularly all through the day and they were there the whole day then and sometimes the car is different. I'm honest about the fact that it could be nothing, I would honestly rather it was. I didn't think it was a wrong thing to ask the police if this is something that needs to be checked and if that was wrong, I deserved his tone. I just think sometimes strangers can give you clearer perspective which I am grateful for, even if it's negative!